Friday, April 29, 2005

I think I am going to throw up (still)...

I take pride in very few things:
1. my love for KSU Football (even in their bad seasons)
2. My knowledge of the most random things...
3. My administration skills

Today though, my admin skills totally failed me. I booked a trip to Denver on Travelocity so that I could go look at apartments. Once I pulled up my calendar though, I realized that I have two major commitments the days I am gone. Wednesday night, we (the interns) are being celebrated at New Community and Thursday we have an intern function at Sheryl's. I had even sent an email to my mentor and my supervisor saying I would be gone. As soon as I saw my calendar, I went into panic mode.

I called Viv, frantic for information regarding what the hell I should do. I called Travelocity and explained that I didn't realize the dates when I was booking the tickets and I couldn't make the trip. The stomach acid started to rise in my throat and the gag reflex began. I was sobbing on the phone to Travelocity as I explained my "Jessica Simpson" moment.

Thankfully, Travelocity was kind enough to refund my entire nonrefundable ticket except for $5. I'm no longer out $189, but I still feel like I am going to throw up. I'm looking over my calendar and the only time (without missing ministry or small group) that I will be able to go is at the end May/beginning of June and I'm moving June 15...maybe that's why I'm going to throw's just cutting it so close.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

A Lesson in Hurry Dating...

So last night, Alethea, Toni, Leah and myself all went to do hurry date. Friends, it was an interesting evening. After failing to properly parallel park (people, I learned how to do it in New the French Quarter...I know what I am doing), and paying $5 to park next to the place, we went in for appetizers. Toni and Alethea were on the nervous side, Leah and I were fine, but the 4 of us had n-othing to talk about...very weird. So, Toni and I order some drinks and then the evening began...

I was by myself for the very first round, but quickly picked up after that. It was interesting to say the least. We had a compulsive liar, a lawyer, and some weird guy who Alethea blurted out to that we all worked for Willow. Thankfully that was the only person she told that to. We bolted as soon as it was done, and once I got home, I entered in the people I would say yes to. Out of 10 guys I met, there was only 5 that could be possibilities and out of the 5, there was only 1 who was a yes to me too. We both love, who knows maybe between now and June 15th I'll have a hot date.

We were given another night of hurry dating for free and I doubt that Leah and Toni would do it again, but Alethea and I might give it another go. Who knows...but for me it was worth it.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Not just big, but big news

Sunsets in the Mountains

Friends, I have made a decision regarding my future. Some of you know this, some of you will be in denial about it, some of you will begin to become passive aggressive with (you know who you are).

I have loved being in Chicago. This has been an amazing thing for me to do, to accomplish, to be a part of. I have loved Summit, Axis, even Elevate...but God has released me from Chicago. I knew a while ago (maybe since February) that I wasn't probably going to stay in Chicago after I graduated, but wanted to listen to God to make sure. I prayed about what I would do, where I would go, who I would be around. I pursued some options, Young Life, a job in resume was on sites that I would want to be affiliated with. I then went on my trip to Denver. And I loved it. I loved the people, I love the church, I loved it. Granted, the entire weekend I wrestled with God and cried and asked the tough questions...believe me, this wasn't a rash decision. I sat with Nick, I sat with my small group, I sat with Sheryl, I sat with my best friend, I've consulted lots of people, and finally after about a month, I'm ready to tell the world.

On June 15th, I'm moving to Denver! I can't wait! I'll be flying out in May to find a place to live (downtown) and after graduation, I'll be packing up and starting my first career (if I can find a job) using both my undergrad and my master's. It should be interesting, it should be an adventure, and I know there will be mornings when I'll wake up, look over the city, see the mountains and think to myself, "what the hell did I just do?"

I know many of you will be shocked and surprised by this idea. And some of you will want some one on one time, which I will try to accommodate in my very busy schedule. I'm hoping to do a farewell party in June some time, so watch for the evite on that. But I'm open to hearing your suggestions, thoughts, concerns and would appreciate any prayers as I make this new transition in my life.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

unsolicited compliments

I appreciate when someone out of the blue says something nice about you. Even now, I have a hard time truly believing what they are saying, but I'm trying to trust that the words are sincere and true.

But yesterday was a blessing from God. I'm struggling right now, not with decisions, but with who I am and my beauty. As I was walking back from getting the walkies for ministry last night, I ran into Eric and Sharon. My friend Eric says to me (out of the blue, with no prompting from me) "hey you look really good...boot camp must be doing you well." I almost wanted to start crying then and there, but I just said thanks and told him that he had no idea how much that meant to me.

And it's true, it was a blessing to me, it was a gift from a God who wants to remind me on a daily basis that I am beautiful, that I am worthy, that in fact, I am hot stuff.

Now, if only I could begin to believe that on a daily basis...

Sunday, April 24, 2005

What a weekend...


It was a birthday celebration weekend. Friday night we celebrated Vicki's birthday at a Mexican restaurant and then off to karoke at a local bar of Hoffman Estates. Complete fun, laughing, singing, and smiles ensued. Good times had by most and I got home at 3 am.

Saturday I had a meeting with Sheryl that I had to prepare for. The second to last one. It's so sad to think that we won't be meeting on a regular basis starting in June. Like my small group, she is the only stable thing in my life over the past three years. Just thinking about stuff like that makes me sad that my internship is ending. 40 something days left. I don't want to think about it. After we met, I treated myself to Cold Stone and a nap.

That night, I went into the city to celebrate Toni's birthday. We even got to drive past the Virgin Mary site. After a terrible dining experience at Flat Top, we then went to Irish Eyes and Deja Vu. Fantastic time at both places and met some good people there too (hello Sean and Lewis). The fun thing about Irish Eyes is that we got to sing along to songs we knew...I would got there again in a heart beat. Deja Vu was nice, but getting into the Other Room was a pain. I got home this morning at 5:30 am. I'm out of sequence, which is going to hurt tomorrow.

Today was spent sleeping in till 1 pm, and laying on the couch all day. I watched Love Actually, and I was reminded of how much I love that movie. I think a while ago I was becoming contemptuous regarding love, and considering the current struggle I am facing with my own love, I still question whether or not I'm worthy of loving. But it's movies that like that restore my faith that even people like me deserve love like that and I have faith that one day it will happen. So instead of working ahead in school this weekend, I spent it with new friends and old friends and it was exactly what my soul needed. I am beginning to believe that this whole idea of working ahead this quarter is futile, but I'm going to continue to try it. Ministry kicks off tomorrow, and I have ministry again on Friday night. It's going to be a long week...I can feel it already.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

To all the math teachers of the world...

I just told some students that they will never use the following subjects: algebra and geometry...haha...I'm thwarting all your plans!

Lost in my own world...

I haven't posted in ages. Not because I haven't had lots to say, but I just didn't feel like writing. My friend Cari wrote about this one day. You just don't want to write anymore. So, I've been listening to music (which by the way, I have beaten the system again! Instead of buying all the CD's I want, I just check them out from the library....ehehehe!)

Decisions are being made, people are beginning to pack, and I'm sitting here still trying to for sure land the plane on something, anything that will lead me down a path past June 12th. And I think I've made one. But I'm waiting till I meet with my mentor on Saturday before I really say anything. No worries, I know for sure that is something I'll want to process here. Stay tune for that will be a doozy of one though.

We had a strategic (every time I use that word, I always think of the Bush/Gore debate from SNL in 2000) meeting with Darrien last night. I was surprised how well it went, though I feel at times people were holding back because we still don't know Darrien (even after a year), but the more I get to know him, the more I appreciate his leadership. He and I even had a good conversation afterwards...good kid, you should get to know him.

Lot's of lunch dates this week, ministry kicking off next, and doing laundry (again) at the laundry mat...what a week. But this weekend should be a blast. My friend Vicki is having a birthday party on Friday and my friend Toni is having one on Saturday. PLUS next Wednesday is Speed Dating...FINALLY! I'm actually excited about it...I can't wait to see what happens.

Otherwise, I'm going to work on more ministry stuff....but all I really want to do is take a nap. We had the best thunderstorm (with lightening) last night. Being from the Middle of America, you appreciate good rainstorms...the best are in Kansas. It's actually the few things I miss from Kansas.

Friday, April 15, 2005

I cannot concentrate at all!


I really wanted to call in sick and just sit in the sunshine all day long. I was at the laundry mat today (our dryer is broken, and I have anger around that, but haven't really processed it quite yet...though I tried with my mom yesterday and we agreed to disagree) and as I was sitting outside, I wanted to just stay forever...skip ministry and sleep in the sun. But instead I'm stuck inside, under fluorescent lights listening to Stevie Wonder.

I was getting a fountain drink today at Thorntons and realized that I want to write one of those survey things that gets floated around the internet, which asks you questions like "what don't you like about yourself?", but doesn't ask the good questions like "if you had to play a sport in high school (excluding the one you possibly played), what would you pick?". Check back next week for it and then pass it onto all your friends...Let's see if I can be that person!

I'm actually ahead of school work...YES! So, this weekend, I get to enjoy a yoga class, a bbq with princess, and cleaning my room. By the way, my arms are sore from boot camp today...stupid press.

I have to go shopping this weekend...there is a long story about the clothes I am buying, something I'm not ready to tell you all about, but it's necessary to be prepared...

So, get outside, enjoy the beautiful weather and until next week...

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

A discussion on media

First of all, isn't this the pot calling the kettle black (from Relevant):

Jerry Jenkins and Tim LaHaye, authors of the Left Behind series, have criticized the new NBC mini-series Revelations as being "unbiblical" and "weird." In other news, the 87th book in the Left Behind series will be available this fall ...

Back to the topic at hand...I think I've always been a closet Weezer fan. I remember when they first released their album and I couldn't get enough of it. In 2003, they put out a cd (which was good) and the music video featured the Muppets...COME ON! Who doesn't love the Muppets?! Now, they are getting ready to release a new cd and the first single I simply love. I doubt I'll actually buy the whole cd (I have a rule that I must like three songs off the cd before I buy it, unless it is one of my favorite bands).

Ben Folds is getting ready to release his new cd (April 26th) and I'm so excited because he is touring with this cd, which means I get to see him in May. YAHOO! I also enjoy the first fact I crank it up every time it is on the radio...I just wished they played it more often. In fact, I'm so obsessed with this song that I almost want to buy it from iTunes just so I put it on repeat.

I'm still l-oving The Office. Seriously...did you watch it last night? Don't worry, you can catch a repeat of it on NBC this Thursday at 7:30 pm (CST). Take the 30 minutes to watch this is hilarious (it's even funnier if somehow you can relate to the show...much like Office Space).

I'm hoping to catch Fever Pitch this weekend...with my friend Joel..but it's suppose to be 70, so maybe I'll take a nap outside with my iPod instead...

Monday, April 11, 2005


I'm trying, I really am, to write my first reading report for my last class. And while I have one section almost done, it is killing me to be working. So, I decided to wander around the web, trying to waste time from my class and using up a new free wireless place (the library, but it's too damn quiet, so next time I need to bring my headphones).

I began to think about what my future holds, where I will be in 9 weeks (I know, I can't believe it either). I thought about trips I would want to take if I had all the money in the world; songs I would want to download; the weather outside; everything you could think of. And then one thought stuck...what if I didn't have the major I had in college, would I be in this place today? What if I had the balls in college to go for a major in interior design and gone somewhere exotic to get my masters? What if during my freshman year of judgment from the Christians I knew I really had transferred to UNLV or Arizona State? What if I had gone through with rush and had become a sorority girl? Where would my life be now? I know that I shouldn't think about this stuff, but it's true...Where would I be now?

Even now, I think about things I want to do and grow in, but I never move forward on. I've always wanted to learn Italian, study photography, become a better chef, but I continuously sit on my rear and do nothing about it. So, as I sit here, continuing in my process of procrastination, I'll continue to surf the web and pimp the internet...and think about the what if's of my life.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

What a weekend (and it's not done yet)

First of all, I need to address something. A while ago, my friend Viv wrote about how she felt like Peter Gallagher because she needed to get her eyebrows waxed (you can read about it here). While I don't feel like Sandy from the OC, I do feel like I am beginning to look like this man:

So, thankfully, I'm going in next weekend, but it's currently driving me insane.

In other news, I had a weekend that I couldn't resist talking about...Friday night I went dancing at the Alumni Club that bears a resemblance to an old favorite from Manhattan once called KJ's (come on all you K-State grads, you know what I am talking about). A great new shirt from Old Navy (who knew they started producing club wear?) and then we were off. At times I felt like I was 20, dancing with a married man (we shamed him later) and meeting two Italian "dancers" and at other times, I realized that I do miss going dancing. I need to do it more often. We got home at 2:30, talked until 3, slept until 7, and drove home.

On Saturday, my plan was to work on LeRon's stuff, and hang out with my bootcamp friends. Well, once I officially got home at 8:30, I took a shower, and laid on the couch...until 11:30 am when I decided that I should go ahead and go lay down in my bed. I took a nap until 2:15!! Well, once I realized that I couldn't bounce back from that kind of nap, I filled up on bad Saturday afternoon TV and got ready for the night with my bootcamp friends. We had dinner and drinks, congratulated the people who graduated and then I went home. Friends, I was in bed by 10:15 pm and asleep by 10:30! I was exhausted.

Today I got up at 9, went to interview a potential volunteer at 10:30, and now I'm getting ready to go to Long Grove with VBT and Kristin. So much for getting school work done. A leader's meeting tonight and Axis later. I have to get work done some point today...or maybe tomorrow. All I know is that I am feeling behind and the class just started!!

Friday, April 08, 2005

Keen (and not the band)

This is how the Sun Times website describes the weather right now and my friends, it is keen. It is amazing outside and the weather is suppose to stay nice through the weekend. I can't wait to sit outside all day tomorrow and just enjoy the beauty of the day.

In other news, I came across an article yesterday that I couldn't resist talking about today. The title of it was "Cookie Monster Advocating Eating Healthy". You have got to be kidding me. The same blue monster that taught me C was for Cookie and that's good enough for me was now going to be saying that only one cookie a day was good enough for him? I had to read on. And it's true. Instead of shoving the entire plate of cookies down his throat, the Cookie Monster was now going to advocate that a balanced meal is now the new way to go. However for those of us who have watched it when we were little, perhaps this information and change in the Cookie Monster's philosophy might be too little too late. Don't get me wrong, I love the Muppets. I'm obsessed with the Muppets and on Tuesday I walked away from a $5.50 copy of the Muppets Take Manhattan (one of the greatest movies of all time in my opinion). I believe every child should watch Seasme Street every day because it teaches you so how to count to 12 with the pinball machine or how to actually get to Seasme Street where monsters are no longer scary but a friend. And now the big blue guy is changing his song? If he goes all Atkins on me, that might cross the line.

So, until then, my big blue friend, I will stick with your original story and realize that C is for cookie and that's good enough for me too...

Thursday, April 07, 2005


For me, getting stuff done and done well is big. Not just big but big. Becoming the second person in my family to graduate from college, and the second with my Master's is big. I've hiked the Continental Divide in high school. I've traveled through London by myself. But today, I feel like a new accomplishment needs to be recorded.

I own two belts (not including the multiple scarves I use as belts). One is brown and needs to be retired, and a black one that has rarely been used because at one point, it began to cut off my circulation on my lower half. Typically, I only wear the brown one, even if my shoes are black, simply because it allows me to breathe. Last night as I was grabbing clothes to wear today after boot camp, I decided that I would take the risk and throw in my black belt. This morning after getting ready, I pulled on my jeans and they felt looser...BIG. Then I braved the belt. I threaded it through the loops and realized I was holding my breath. And then I locked it into place and realized it no longer cut off my circulation. BIG!!! So, to the trainer that continuously kicks my tail every morning, Monday through Friday at 9 am...I thank you!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Being the cheeve that I am...

I like numbers...but I do not like math. Never have, never will.

I like to look at my odometer and see how far I have driven in a day.

I enjoy recently watching the scale tip lower and lower.

I love that my google pop-up blocker has over 17,000 blocked pop-ups.

And thanks to the internet community, I have received 1013 hits on my blog since starting my invisible hit counter.

So, thanks to all of you who have stopped by...invite a friend to stop by and add me to your links!

Happy Birthday Celebrity Boyfriend...

In light of Zach Braff's birthday (the big 30 today), I wanted to celebrate this special day with him. May his birthday be filled with unexpected joy, celebration and another punk'd episode.
and yes, I do realize that I am obsessed...I'm okay with it, either get under it or over it...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

The Most Random Retreat Ever!

The gospel of our meeting
I got back from the retreat on Monday morning. Thank you Dave for getting up at 4:30 am to take me to the airport! It was an amazing experience, something I am still processing...All I know is that I spent most of the time wrestling with God over answers to questions I felt I need Him to answer. It was the most beautiful site I have seen, watching a community from 5 different states come together for one reason. I saw personal light bulbs go off, freedom begin to flow through people's spirits and tears flow from eyes that finally felt emotions that were locked away. My friends, transformation began for people on this trip. I felt honored to sit in a room and watch it.
But for me, it was hard. I cried, I was tired, I was emotionally drained. I knew that if I didn't go after Nick, I wouldn't get much time with him. But we had dinner at the Tavern on Sunday night. I spilled out my past three months to him over an Amstel Light and a burger (which I felt today as I was running backwards up the hill for boot camp). He answered questions, he helped me see the light, I felt peace in my soul. Friends, it was an amazing experience and once I process it more with my small group and my inner circle, you'll know more about it.
I was fortunate enough to help Dave and Sara find their apartment...It's amazing! I laughed with old friends, made new ones and almost peed my pants at watching "The Office". I was called a cheeve (don't ask about the spelling, but the definition is basically anything you want to say); I went shopping and had the sun...with a dog. Friends, it was the best weekend I've had in a while.
But don't get me wrong, it was the most random retreat ever, but I loved it. It was where I needed to be this weekend. If you click on the picture above, you can see photos from the weekend.
By the way, it's currently 63, sunny, and beautiful outside. I'm in a short sleeve shirt, capris and flip friends, it is fantastic!