Tuesday, January 31, 2006


My friend Maria sent me this quote today because she is working on something for work. I don't know what it means to you, but for some reason it has struck a cord with my soul.

It is assumed that the woman must wait, motionless, until she is wooed. That is how the spider waits for the fly.
--Bernard Shaw

I until I get "wooed" I plan on moving...whomever he is will love that movement and our movement together will be beautiful...

It's started off to be a great day...

I would like to take this opportunity to welcome Adian Mark Smith into the world. My nephew was born today, weighing in at 8 pounds 7 ounces. I can't wait to see pictures of him.

The other reason it's a great day is that the Oscar nominations came out. Thus begins my weekends of watching movies. I'm hoping to see four this weekend alone. Plus great commericals are on Sunday...it's turning out to be a great day!

Monday, January 30, 2006

The stories you will hear are probably true...

The weekend is over...Thank God. And that's not a bad Thank God, it's just a "Hey, this was a really good, but long and emotionally hard." We spent time hanging around the island in this beautiful house, talking, laughing and playing "Would you rather?" We watched movies on the big screen tv and we talked about our community and where we've been, where we are at now, and where we have the possibility of going. It was fun to see so many different people using their strengths this weekend. It was beautiful.

So, the story you are about to hear is completely true. There is no way in hell that I would make this up...it's too good.

When we left Breckenridge, it was 3:00 pm. The snow had been falling steadily since we got up that morning and Loveland Pass had been closed. We decided that we would all stick together because there is safety in numbers. We stopped to get gas and then proceed to take 30 minutes to go 0.5 miles to get on to I-70. That's right 30 minutes. Luke, Sheralee, Maria D., Jim, Beth, Frank, Vivie, and Jen Po., decided that they would turn around and go 285 because they thought it would better than waiting to get onto I-70. That left Mark, Jenny, Maria G., Jared, Jeff, Tsinia, Wendy, Beth Anne, David, Sara, Hayden, Nick and myself on I-70. Then it took us 3 hours to get from Dillon (Highway 9) to the Eisenhower Tunnel. 3 HOURS!! In the process of that, cashews and chips were thrown between cars. Jenny left her car to sit in ours and left ours to sit with Beth Anne and Wendy. Yogurt was given to us, but without a spoon to eat it with, I threw it back at Wendy and Beth Anne. The phone was ringing off the hook. Come to find out, the group that went 285 got turned away half way and it ended up taking them to the Springs, so they didn't get home until at least 9:00 pm last night (remember, we left at 3:00 pm).

So, when you are sitting in a car, waiting to get to the tunnel, eventually you have to pee. David came up with a creative solution twice. Jenny, Wendy, and Beth Anne took their friendships to a whole new level and Jenny ruined (that's my opinion fully) Wendy's Nalgene. I however, saw an opportunity of a lifetime. There was a RV on the highway next to us. I couldn't hold it any longer, so Nick and I swapped seats, and I ran across three lanes of traffic (they weren't moving so I felt safe) to knock on their door. I kindly asked to use their bathroom and THEY LET ME!! I couldn't believe it either, but that my friends is the power of WOO.

The beauty of this trip home was that Nicky and I laughed, a lot. It was exactly what I needed (and I think he needed as well). The trip home, all 4.5 hours of it was beautiful. And the memories we all share are wonderful...so it wasn't all that bad.

And let the Internet know...no matter what you hear, "To The Max" will not, I repeat, will not make a come back, no matter how often Beth Anne decides to use it.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Reason 115 that Denver rocks

We were ranked with some of the cleanest water!

Way to go Rockies!

Don't believe me, read it here.

I officially will not be getting any work done...

As much as I want 2006 to be marked by love, I realized that there are pieces to my soul that I need to recapture. For example, I took dance lessons for almost 13 years. I think it's time to get back into a tap class and see what happens. I mean, I love going out and going dancing (that's also good for my soul), but I think it's time to get into a class.

I've started listing lots of stuff on Craigslist. My old mattress, my need to express my feelings, and my want of an old school Nintendo. I wanted to get back to the basics and play to my hearts desire. So, lots of people have offered me one, but it wasn't until yesterday that I actually bought one.

So, in the midst of desperately needing to clean my apartment, to do some laundry, to finish up my teaching for Friday night (oh yeah, that's right, I'm teaching at the retreat this weekend...YIKES!), to work through a lot of the anger I felt this week (along with the craziness), I 've decided that this is now what I will be doing.

And yes, you are more than welcome to come over and play...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


So, when I was 15, I worked at a sporting good store in Kansas City. This store had three branches, one in Overland Park, one in Olathe and one in Libertyville. So, I had been talking to this associate at the Olathe store and we started dating (he was 19...yeah, yeah, I know). But let's be honest, I picked him up over the phone.

Then many years later (10 to be exact) I moved to Denver. And I did it again. I picked up some random guy over the phone. He sounded young (he is), he sounded nice (he was) so we went for drink. Now, the day we went out was the day before I had to leave for my grandmother's funeral. Bad circumstances. He said he would call...never did. What's worse is that I have to talk to him still on the phone because his company and mine work together. In fact when he walked in today, I could feel myself blushing. I didn't expect to see him today...suck! Today has been so random...it's only getting worse.

On a side note, the radio station our office listens to is currently playing "I Believe I Can Fly" by R.Kelly, which was, that's right, our senior class song. Class of '98 rules!!

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Immense sadness

A note to person Anonymous:

Dear friend, I read your latest post on my blog, and for you, my heart breaks. My heart breaks that you have felt no/little love in our community, that you feel like you are unwelcomed in the midst of this community and that ultimately you feel that you have been actively unloved by our community. I don't know when you have interacted with our community, whether it is on a weekly basis (perhaps, you are someone that we come into contact with on a regular basis) or it was some time in the past. I want you know to know that like our community is in the midst of change. That we are continuously moving towards love. We by no means think we are perfect in this area, but I do think we are trying to be more loving each day.

My hope is that somehow you do find redemption, that you find healing, and the anger you feel towards this community will be released. Until then, please do not hesitate to ask questions, and I even encourage you to make up a fake email address if you would prefer to talk to me over email (as opposed to the blog). But to be honest, I think I know who you are, so if you want to have a conversation, call me (I know you have my number), we can talk face to face.

In love,

On a complete side note, I keep getting tweaked this weekend...there is immense pain, sadness and anger...this is good, but with a week to go on the retreat, this could blow up in my face.

Friday, January 20, 2006

a very random post...

So, I realized many things today as I drove into work this morning...

1. I had to scrape my car off this morning. In a skirt. In heels. In hose. I realized how blessed I was living in Chicago and had a garage to park my car. And in that moment, I wished for both a garage and a boy that would know how much it would speak love to me if I didn't have to scrape my car in the mornings.

2. The people in this town are nuts. My friend Maria posted this on her blog yesterday. It's just a team people...CHILL OUT!

3. That I love Ryan Adams. I have about 6 of his CDs on my iPod and every single one of them I love. It is on my list of things to do this year...see Ryan in concert.

4. That's I'm really excited to go skiing this weekend. To spend time with Jenny and Wendy, in the mountains, to ski...so fun.

5. The fact that today will be slow and I appreciate that. Maybe I can get some work done finally.

6. That next weekend, I'll be at a retreat with my community. We may not be perfect, but at least we are trying to figure out and that it frustrates me that people aren't willing to accept it where we are at and their anger and contempt are clouding their view on what is happening to our community. That I'm really excited about the worship experience that we have created. That I'm even more excited for our April Retreat (person anonymous, perhaps you should join us).

Otherwise, it's beautiful outside, nice and sunny with snow stuck everywhere. I'm just grateful today, and that my friends is beautiful in its self.

by the way, it takes me 10 minutes to drive to work.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I'll continue on the nerd streak...

So, my alarm goes off at 6:30 am every morning. I snooze for exactly 16 minutes (I hit the button twice). Approximately 1 minute after I turn off my clock, my alarm on my phone goes off to really make sure that I get up in the morning.

Once I am up, I brush my teeth and turn on the TV. I typically check three channels, VH1, MTV, and TBS. Why TBS? Because they show reruns of "Saved by the Bell" every morning. Then from 7:00 am till 7:50 am, I watch "Dawson's Creek". I secretly love both shows, and I typically can tell you what episode is on with Saved by the Bell within the first 1 minute of watching (this includes the weird years when they lived in Indiana, and then the school mysteriously moved to California and brought a majority of the cast with them). I know, I should be watching the news, but I don't care what you think, I like my rhythm.

Anyways, as I was reading through People Online today, I came across this article. Way to go Zach Morris!!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I'm fully willing to consider myself a nerd...

So, when I find a new celebrity crush, I take it to extremes. Case and point, my love/obsession with Zach Braff (ahh...did you see Scrubs last night? So beautiful).

Anyways, I'm slowly acquiring my second celebrity boyfriend...He's beautiful, funny, and so talented.

So, I created a myspace account and the beauty of that is that a majority of the characters from "The Office" have accounts there. And you can ask them to be your "friend". So slowly, I'm entering their world, and maybe one day I can meet him.

*sigh, I need to get a life.

A Dark Day Upon Us...

Everyone stop what you are doing.

Grab your calendar.

Go to February 10th and block off 2 hours that evening.

Want to know why? Because, based upon this article, this show will be airing its last 4 episodes...EVER!

Please give this show the going out party it deserves....

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

some times, it just happens

Saturday night was crazy. A good crazy, but crazy none the less. The stories I could share simply involve me, Maria, Sheralee, Vivie, and Jim at Mynt.

These stories involve dancing, a British man, screaming out the window of Jim's car, and a scarf. It also involves an email to Brian (which wasn't sent...thank you Jim and Vivie for talking some sense into me) and a text to Kairi (that I don't remember typing).

All I have to say is that it was so good for my soul.

And I still blame it on the British man...

Thanks to everyone for making it such a good, but crazy night.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Let that Grandma Out!

After class night (class is what we Radius people call church, well at least part of our church. Church happens every day, in every moment...through small groups, through one-on-one's, through class...) Jim, Sheralee, and myself wandered down to Wendy's.

A) I was starving. I had gone straight to a meeting after work yesterday and had no space for dinner.
2) I broke a chair right when class was starting and thankfully no ego was hurt. Now, the 100 year old chair that David put aside last week because he noticed it was weak, that's a different story.

Anyways, I got dinner, Jim got dinner, Sheralee got a Diet and fries. We sat down to eat and this is what we heard...

"I just don't like the writing on these cups. It's just obnoxious. Why do they have to put it on there? Couldn't they do it like they use to and leave the writing off?"

I looked at Jim, Jim looked at me, and we broke out laughing. And I commented to Sheralee that her inner grandma was breaking out.

I agree, the obnoxious writing on the cup is a little over the top, but I was next expecting Sheralee to say "back in my day, we had to drink out of our hands and walk up hill, both ways in the snow, barefoot."

Ahh...the inner-grandparent strikes again!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


I posted a while ago on people I believe should not be able to reproduce (you can see it here). Then, I pull up MSNB this morning and this was on the front page!


(I was going to type this entire blog in caps today to honor Pears, but decided against it)

Monday, January 09, 2006

a comment on comments

The beauty of my blog is that hardly anyone reads it. I, unlike dooce, will never get to a point where people say mean and hurtful things on my blog...I'm just not that cool.

I'm often tempted to remove the anonymous comments from my blog because if you aren't ballsy enough to put your name with your comment then there is no reason for me to respond to it. However, on my last post, someone put a comment that was worth responding to. This person knows I'm a part of Radius, so I guess I better fill in some of the gaps.

Centering down in the Trinity...what a complex question, with a simple answer. Part of my growth over the last 3 years was understanding my place in the Trinity (Father God, Jesus Son, Holy Spirit). My place in the Trinity is at the center, where I am loved, cherished and nurtured into who the Trinity created me to be. When I begin to swirl, believe the lies that run through my head and feel out of sorts, I realize that I am out of the Trinity and need to get back. Centering down means reclaiming my belovedness and believing that to my core.

So Person Anonymous, does that help?

Sunday, January 08, 2006

If love is a labor, I'll slave till the end

You would have thought that the day had ended in a catastrophic event. One would have looked at me and thought not only had my grandmother had passed away again, but something else happened too.

The one thing I hate about myself is when I cry. I can't cry like a person on tv. I get all red and splotchy. My friend Maria (different one from the one with previous funny post) says she loves when I cry because my eyes become even brighter then they usually are.

I don't know how to explain my current sadness. Nothing from the community changed. Something was ultimately tweaked in me. I don't know if it was my lack of value or the fact that my needs couldn't be meet, but it was hard. My pain overwhelmed me. I felt crushed and abandoned all in the same moment.

Part of my story, is that my opinion hardly mattered growing up. I felt that this weekend. Part of my story is the lack of bonding I did as a child (hence the abandonment issues) and I realized that this weekend as well. I don't know what to say (there are something that are inappropriate to post on the blog) but today I cried hard, I'm sure I'll cry harder tomorrow and hopefully I center down in the Trinity.

The problem with knowing and identifying your shit is that you have to deal with it in some fashion. Even running is a solution, but you recognize it more easily and it's harder to live your life once you know it. These are moments when I wish I didn't know as much of my story as I as did because ignorance is bliss. I realize that behavior modification doesn't work. It never has, it never will.

So what ultimately makes someone change? It has to be desire. Nothing more, nothing less. There has to be something deep within that shows you life can be better, different less confusing and more with a purpose. You see someone else living the life you want and you realize in those moments that you will do almost anything to get it. I saw that 4 years ago in a small woman's eyes as she welled up with tears over her love of Jesus. It was in that moment that I realized that I wanted nothing more than to have that love too. I would do whatever it takes to get it. I would go to the bottom of my desires and see what was really at the end. I would jump off the cliff and fall, hoping that someone or something would catch me.

So, what does this all mean? The pain I am going through now is a result of desire. My desire to connect, to be heard, to be known. My desire to be love and be loved in return. My desire to simply be a part of change, no matter what it cost. It's not easy, it's not fun, but I know that the transformation that happens within me has a greater value than anything else. So if love is a labor, I'll slave to the end...

Friday, January 06, 2006

For you to enjoy a good laugh...

My friend Maria sent this to me to enjoy. Please enjoy a free laugh on her behalf (by the way, I did ask for permission before posting...I'm trying to change)

Why Meghan - why do the wierdos always find me?

Below I would like to share with you some very strange interaction I had last night while I was working. I would like to say that interactions like these are rare, but alas, they're not!

Act I: Pre-show Scene: Maria is welcoming people to the event, her post is near the bathroom and she notices a man walk out of the restroom carrying two glasses of what she hopes is white wine.

Man: (walks up to Maria) Where do I drop the urine samples?
Maria: (disgustedly) I'm not sure - perhaps you can check with someone inside.

Act II: Post-show Scene: Maria is posted near doors to answer questions as people leave. The lobby is small, it's cold outside, and she's shivering. Man from before approaches and hovers.

Man: I'm not stalking you, I'm just waiting for a ride.
Maria: Oh sure - you know this isn't a road out here.
Man: Laughs. You know - all the ensembles tonight were great, but yours is the best.
Maria: (a bit confused - assumes he's talking about the ensembles) Thanks, we all think so too. Man: No - I mean you.
Maria: (surprised) Oh - thank you.

some other unimportant small talk ensues - revolving I believe around Denver.

Man: I'm from Boulder.
Maria: Oh - I'm new to the area, just arrived from Michigan.
Man: [says something here about it being cold there]
Maria: It's certainly been nice to see the sun almost every day!
Man: And when it gets cold like this it's really not so bad.
Maria: Yeah - I mean if I had a coat I really wouldn't be cold at all right now.
Man: Or, if you were wearing a bra.
Maria: (disgustingly) Alright.

If I wasn't wearing a damn name tag and working on behalf of the **** I hope I would have had something very rude to say back to him. When I left he said he hoped he would see me around. I did reply that I didn't think the chances were good.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I'm just having one of those days...

That I needed to read this in order to get a good laugh:

Dwight Schrute: So you got the fax. So why didn't you add it to the resume? What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant. Oh excuse me, I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Uh, yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence. Well, you know what? You can go to hell and I will see you there. Burning. Fine. Oh, wait, so you'll let me know when you've made a decision?

Thank God "The Office" is back on NBC tonight!

On a side note...Jon Stewart is hosting the Oscars...it will be amazing...prepare for greatness.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Whatever you are doing tonight at 8:00 pm, drop it

Tonight, my celebrity boyfriend comes back from his sabbatical to bring the masses comedy, sentimental moments, and perhaps a few tears.

So, whatever you have planned for tonight at 8:00 pm, reschedule it. This is way more important.


*since you refruse to watch the other show I love, perhaps you'll take this seriously.

This is my neighborhood

So, are you curious about the neighborhood I live in? Check out this article.

Seriously, this happened in my alley last night. I slept through the entire thing.

I really do love my neighborhood...