Remeber that time I took dating on with a vengance...

Thanks to the dating optimist, I've gotten some help with what I want in a relationship. You can read about it here: http://bit.ly/cXWs1Q

This is like my own version of being famous!

Why won't you go to the store?

I'm sick. I hate being sick. Mostly because I have no one who will let me lay (or is it lie?) with my head in their lap, and stroke my hair.

Nor do I have anyone who will go to the store for me.

Here's what I want when I am sick:
7-Up, not Sprite. There is a big difference
Something to eat other than soup -- preferably green jello and cool whip (yes, you do need to click on the link)

I've asked my dog multiple times to go to the store for me. Damn it, dog. You've been napping since 10 am. Get your ass to the store. This relationship is really about what I can do for you, not what you can do for me. There is no mutual sharing in this relationship.

You know who would go to the store for me, Lassie.

Ugh...I guess I'll go to the store.

things needed...a pause button

There are 210 days left until it happens. It...the dreaded 30th birthday.

Here's the thing: I wish that I could pause my life like I do often on my tivo. I am so nervous about my 30th. Where I thought I would be and were I am are on such different planes, I often think they are traveling to Tokyo and Nairobi at the same time.

And I don't want to have a pity party, but it's true. Turning 30 might be in the 10 list of my greatest fears, only behind abandonment and loose teeth. I remember distinctly what I said my freshman year of college as to where I would be at 25. And obviously, that didn't happen. Yes, I did survive the "failure" of dreams then, so perhaps this is survivable too.

But what do you do? When you are facing a milestone, in a year that could easily be one of the worst? What do you do when you are laying on the floor of your living room, questioning what was and what is and what will be? Do you simply rely on the present, remembering that your feet are firmly on the floor or pine away for the future?

And while the 210 days slowly tick away, I begin to think of all that is yet to be accomplished and how to delight in what I have done, where I am, and who I am. But, and if I am honest with you dear Internet, the joy is short in comparison with the long list of things I should have accomplished by now.

That's why I wish my life came with a pause button. I want to stop now, accomplish what I want and continue on before 30. I want to rewind and relive the highs and fast forward the lows. I want to cherish the laughter, the tears, the growth with a slow motion button and at the end of it all, I want to save it so I can watch it again later.

Unfortunately, life doesn't work like tivo. And until I figure out a way to have my cake and eat it to, I'll look toward the 30th birthday with a bit of fear and a sense of what if.

what if?

I'm just curious.

What if the "purity retreat" I went to in high school actually presented waiting like this:



As opposed to being shamed into not owning a 2 pieced bikini and not running?

Just a thought.

next steps

I've been thinking more and more recently about what I should be doing.

Should be. It's a dangerous grouping of words. I should be cleaning my house, walking my dog, studying for the GRE, working more at Starbucks, creating more intentional time with friends, meditating, caring for my soul...the list could go on. But those two tragic words together induce such shame. I really should be doing what I think is best for me.

I'm tossing around the idea of going back to grad school. However, this is where the pull is. I already have a master degree. Why do I need another one? If I go back to school, shouldn't I be going after a PhD? Not that my first isn't important, but outside of the church, most companies have no idea what the hell to do what a Master of Arts in Transformational Leadership, hence the fact I leave the Transformational part out on my resume. And really, do I need another master degree to do what I want?

But that leads to the ultimate question...what do I really want to be doing? I know the things I believe about myself, that I was put on this planet to create change in it. That the systems we have in place aren't helping people and I want to help people. So does that mean I need a different degree? Do I need a Social Work or Public Policy degree?

(And if someone could tell me what a degree in Public Policy really does, I'd appreciate it.)

But in the same breath, the ultimate question brings up some great fears. Do I really want to pay $90,000 for a degree in Social Work when making that will never happen? Why do I have to take the GRE because I suck at standardize tests and already have a degree, shouldn't that be enough? How would I make ends meet?

Maybe this is all a ramble, but at the end of the day, I need some direction. But I know, I definitely need to start looking at some next steps for my future.

Thank you CA

Random note...

Last night I had a girls happy hour with Maria, Sheralee and Christen. We started at Delite and then moved to Beatrice and Woodsley. It was at B&W that I confessed I had no idea how use T-9 features on my phone.

Christen thankfully showed me how to use it. And all it is, you don't look at the screen. You look at the keyboard.

And Sheralee showed me how to T-9 in Spanish...

I believe this will forever change my life.

Perhaps the greatest thing ever

I've been home sick today (really sick). And while I've enjoyed catching up on my TV from last week and watching the Food Network (getting inspiration for Christmas dinner), I came across this site.

Holy crap.

This might be my new obsession. You can create your own cookbook. YOUR OWN COOKBOOK!

I could spend hours creating my own cookbook.

I think I've finally decided what my Christmas present to myself will be...as well as my mother's birthday present.

Mr. Washington please

I have recently said that Denzel Washington could read the Yellow Pages and I would say the man deserves an Oscar, which I will stand by to my dying day (he's in my top 5 favorite actors to watch).

Entertainment Weekly, which isn't a gossip read like someone said recently, said this about the man:

"You could saddle this Oscar winner with a movie about watching paint dry, and his able shoulders could carry it."

Seems like EW and I are on the same page...

random

I recently purchased this plate, mostly for a center piece for Thanksgiving dinner. However, what I realized is that this plate serves as the inspiration for the first floor of my house. The orange is actually pretty close to what I've already chosen for my kitchen. The blue is similar to the color I want for my bathroom, the yellow is what I want for the living room and dining room. The bedroom, though, is still up for debate. I really wish I had a friend who is an interior decorator.


This was the sunset tonight. I won't lie, it was phenomenal and this picture does no justice to how pretty it actually was.





This is the face that I come home to every night and he is hilarious. The other night, he did a back somersault off the ottoman as I was trying to get him off. Seriously, funny stuff.

If you didn't get this today, you should feel pretty sad

My friend Sheralee sent me this article today and I won't lie, it was definitely the highlight of my day.

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time and it's totally worth the read.

I passed it along to many co-workers today, some of which said it was the funniest shit they've read in a while.

Thank you for posting this 15 minute lunch...it made my day!

What I realized today

So, I'm currently on the search for a new winter coat. And I think I've found the one I want, but I've decided to keep looking...just in case. (Side note, the coat I really wanted was at Nordstrom last year and I'm kicking myself for not buying it.)

Anyways, while I was at the mall, I stepped into Old Navy. I use to love Old Navy. In fact, I would say at one point, I only bought my clothes from Old Navy.

But today, as I stepped into the store, I realized that I no longer want to buy clothes from Old Navy.

I think I've out grown Old Navy. I have no idea where I will now shop for casual clothes, but I'm sure I can find places.

However, no matter what, Old Navy will be my place for pajamas no matter how old I get.

After seeing this, how could I not vote for him

my lunch experience on Friday

Here's what I am realizing...Friday's should not be for working. Friday's should be for the weekend.

Yesterday started off like a typical Friday. I went to get Starbucks and then sat down at my desk to do some actual work.

Finally, after putting out some fires with the other offices, I went to lunch with my co-worker. We got onto the free ride to go to the Gap because, well, I needed a new shirt to wear out that night. About 2 stops in, a homeless woman gets on and proceeds to ask two other people if they are homeless and what their drug of choice is...and then she tells everyone that her drug of choice is meth.

After buying a new shirt, we realize that there is a new bakery right below the Gap. We stop in because our company is looking for a new place to buy fluffy cake for birthday celebrations. This place not only will have our business, but they gave us FREE CUPCAKES!

We got back on the free ride and headed back towards the office. We each grabbed lunch and enjoyed the fall day Denver gave us.

Seriously, it was the craziest lunch experience I've had in a long time.

And yes, the cupcake was amazing.

maybe my friends are right

I love "What Not to Wear" on TLC. And out of all the reality shows I watch, this is the only one that I would be on.

Some people compliment me on my fashion sense and in all honesty, everything I've learned is from "What Not to Wear". Thanks to Stacy and Clinton, I've learned how to look like a 27 year old at work, keeping my style and look classic and not like a 47 year old. I've learned that it's okay to wear my grey suit with my eggplant color shoes (PS-I got so many compliments on my new grey suit yesterday, it was great). I've learned what fits my body and what works with it as opposed to what will only make it worse.

But no matter what people say, I totally still want to be on this show. It might have something to do with $5,000 and a trip to New York, but I don't know. At least then I could by my dream shoes.

Until then, I'll just dream that Stacy and Clinton are my best friends who are willing to tell me when I look like crap in an outfit.

a rant to the fashion world

Dear people who create in the fashion world,
While I am sure all the stick thin people of the world, who have no hips, no boobs, no curves on their bodies love t-shirts that could equal as dresses and the shortest shorts in the world, the rest of the general population hate it.

I am included in the population that hates it.

I realize that I have hips (which I love) and boobs (which, according to Sara, are some of best features). I also realize that I have a short torso and longer legs. The whole shirt/dress feature does not work for me. I am also a person who loves linen pants, pants in general, pants that come to the floor, that fray slightly after a couple of wears because they are too long. Why the hell aren't stores carrying normal shirts and pants?

Please fix this and fix it soon...I'm tried of not being able to shop at stores.

Hugs and kisses,
Meghan

maybe I am psychic

Yesterday as we were planning out our camping trips, we had the Kentucky Derby on so we could appreciate the race.

Let me be honest, I know nothing about horse racing. DW tried to teach me once, and I know a little, but this is where my girl comes out. I pick horses based upon their names and then odds. Yesterday was no different.

I wanted to choose Iamawildandcrazyguy (it really was a horse's name). But the odds were too high for me. So instead, I chose Street Sense.

Who won the Derby? Street Sense.

Had I put the $20 I had on the race for a win, I would have won $118. I think I'm psychic.

In other news, I'm not dead. I just haven't had anything to say (this is what happens when one become done). I'm sure eventually I will have more to say...I'm not ready right now...

mmm...doughnuts....

These are the mornings I miss Chicago. Here's why...

Starting tomorrow, I'm actually taking Bob Green's book seriously. And maybe by telling the entire world this, I'll actually stay on top of it. Getting more exercise, eating better, taking vitamins are all on the list of things I need to do. I'm really hoping 2007 can be a year marked by wholistic health, and while I've made progress on mental and emotional health (thanks to my therapist) and relational health (thanks to my friends), I still need to get the physical health side down.

But today feels like the last day to get everything in. And while Bob Green is amazing and doesn't put those types of restrictions on your eating the very first 4 weeks (see, he understands that it's more than just changing your eating, he knows it's deeper than that), I want to gorge today. And what I want right now are delicious, full of fat, chocolate and sprinkle covered doughnuts from Dunkin' Doughnuts and a cup of French Vanilla Coffee. Damn you Colorado for only having 1 in Colorado Springs. I'm desperate, but not that desperate to drive 2 hours for a doughnut.

I guess I'll just have something good here...boo.

Some where along the way

When I started this in July of 2004, I only had a few goals:

1. I want to be able to show people what I am learning, not only at my seminary, but through the beautiful people I interact with on a daily basis. (basically, I was tired of sending -- or claiming to send -- support letters to my supporters during my internship. This way, people could read how I was doing, what I was doing on a daily basis)

2. I want to share with people great books, quotes, music, etc here. Things that matter to me I hope to share with you. (Which I have, I could have created an iMix based upon all the music I've put on here, opened up a library with all the great quotes I've used. But I wanted to share the cultural experience I was having with others)

3. I just want to give you some of my thoughts and my journey. It's only so I can process more clearly on this crazy journey I have been on recently. (This has become my place to process).

So, along the way, I've somehow had over 20,000 readers. While I understand some of the people who read this (people in Kansas City, Chicago, Denver), it's the people in Spain, Africa, India, China, England that shock me. How did they ever find me and what got them reading? I've processed almost everything on here, my 2nd and 3rd year of the internship, my decision to move to Denver, the disappointment in moving to Denver, the beautiful friends that have stuck by me in Denver, the ones who blatantly turned their back on me, the random quotes, the random stories.

Where will the next 20,000 take me? I have no idea. It's taken me almost 3 years to get 20,000 readers, so in 2010, who knows where I'll go.

But thanks for stopping by and reading. It's pretty damn cool if you think about it.

1 night in...

and the beauty of it is that I slept like a rock last night. Especially since I haven't slept well for over a week and a half.

To feel the comfort to sleep so well, where there aren't crazy homeless men outside my window, sirens constantly going off and to just feel the comfort of my own bed...that is love.

so, I have a ghost...

Some of you know these stories, but it's true, I have a ghost in my apartment...

Right after I had moved into my apartment, the string to just turn off the lights in my fan was broken, so I unscrewed the light bulbs, still leaving them in the socket. One night, I turned everything off and went to bed. At 1:00 am, all the lights, including my fan lights, and my TV were on. Yes, freaky...

My second incident with my ghost came some time during the beginning of my second year. I'm fortunate enough to have two doors to my bathroom, one through my bedroom and one through my walk through closet (which is very handy when you have guest stay over). I was awakened one night by the second door latching. And no, there is no way the wind could have closed it.

While I believe my ghost is friendly and means no harm, I think he (I have an intuition it is a guy) is sad to see me go. Last night, as I was working through the pile of things to shred (I LOVE my shredder), it stopped working...and then magically restarted about 2o minutes later...yes, I realize that could be multiple things, but I believe it's my ghost.

I just hope he doesn't move with me...I don't think he'd like my new place