Thursday, July 15, 2010

Eat, Pray, STFU

I read Eat, Pray, Love when it came out. Was it the the best book I've ever read? Definitely not. Was it a good summer read? Sure, pretty quick and easy.

However, when I was finished, I was pissed.

I wasn't pissed at the book. Nothing in it could have made me angry. What I was angry about had everything to do with the fact that I wasn't living this type of life. I wanted to take a year off (and somehow still be able to financially pay for life) and recapture my essence. I wanted to take off to France, not Italy and fall in love with delicious foods. I wanted to go to Kenya to reconnect with my soul. I wanted to go some place exotic and feel the sand beneath my feet and fall madly in love.

Why the hell couldn't I too have this type of life?

And now that the movie is coming out, I'm feeling that angst again. I know I should be so dramatic. That I lead a life that someone is jealous of (ha).

Let me know, how to do you create a continual sense of understanding about yourself, if you aren't able to travel to exotic lands...I'd love any advice I can get.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Let's get you back to Kenya

I've started therapy again. It's been two years since the last time. The last time focused around the trauma that was Radius. This time, well, we are focusing more on me.

I will not go into details, about why I am going, what we are discussing. Only a few people know those details.

However last night, we were talking about the three major things I wanted to work on through therapy. The last one has to deal with my job. I enjoy my job. I enjoy my co-workers. But, at the end of the day, I still realize this isn't what I am suppose to be doing. And as I speak with my therapist, it is a constant reminder that I know what I should be doing with my life.

She ended last night with "well, let's get you back to Kenya." Out of everything we talked about yesterday, this is what is still sitting with me.

I sit and question what does it look like for me to get back to Kenya, without literally going. How do I do what I know I'm suppose to be doing, from Denver, or even the states?

Let's get you back to Kenya. The one place in recent history where I felt totally alive, totally me, totally centered.

Let's get you back to Kenya...heavy words to consider.