Monday, February 28, 2005
Obviously, you all know now how Friday morning went. I'm still feeling good about it, so now it's just a waiting game between now and in two weeks. Friday afternoon, A, Bets and myself all headed up to The Grand Geneva for the Axis Retreat. It was a good time. It's weird walking into a retreat of 250 people and not knowing that many. But it was good. Friday night we had a dance party with DJ Fisher Price. Now, if you know me at all, you know I need at least 8 hours of sleep to function properly. Friday night, I got 2. I even tried to read something for Old Testament, and that didn't even put me to sleep. Saturday was filled with breakout sessions which was fun and 3 hour nap. Saturday night we had communion and some great worship...which I grieved through simply because I realized I don't know how many more sweet Axis moments I'll have. We left Sunday after a vision casting moment and I got back just in time to catch an hour nap and the Oscars. I loved it simply because I got to see some people that I really enjoy hanging out with and I made a new best friend because we both can't stand the same movie. Your fabulous call me every five minutes.
And now it's back to the grind. I have school work I need to finish this week. I started my boot camp class this morning which just left me with humiliation of being poked and measured. But at least I know now and knowing is half the battle. It looks like an overwhelming week with ministry tonight and Friday night, a conference in between and maybe a trip to the city to celebrate a friend's birthday. So, until then, I'll just sit back and try to catch up on the things I missed this weekend.
ps-pictures from the retreat tomorrow!
Friday, February 25, 2005
I just finished my interviews and now I'm sitting in Panera writing this blog. I feel like the interviews went well. I met with the regional director one on one and with 4 area directors. The regional director did a great job of painting the picture of what type of position I would be best suited for (not an intern, but not quite an area director...so a direct ministry position). I feel like they all went well and when I felt my intensity coming on strong, which can overwhelm some people, I tried to reign it in on some level. I'll know within 2 weeks if they want to continue the process with me in Chicago. If the direct ministry position isn't available in Chicago, they are willing to help me find a position within the organization some place else. So, I'll keep you posted on what I know when I know it! Thanks for the good thoughts and prayers...they were definitely felt!
on a complete side note:
I have a button that is no longer working on my computer for my mouse and it's driving me insane, but the cute boy sitting at the next table in Panera is keeping me distracted from that minor problem. I just hope my computer can stick it out until December...and then I can purchase what I really want.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
So, today, as I sit in the place where I pimp the internet, I am frustrated out of my mind by the boy playing behind me. He has some type of top that he has to pull a string to get it to spin. And he keeps spinning again and again. No one is watching him, no one is asking him to stop, so it keeps hitting the tile floor and driving me insane. Do parents not teach their children common courtesy any more? That perhaps this isn't the right place to keep using the top and maybe the mom should be paying more attention to the kid not her latte and newspaper. Maybe the south has it right in the aspect of common courtesy and teaching about respect in public places.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
I wish I could talk to you individually and let you know about the process I have been in over the past few months, but the blog will have to do for now.
On Friday, February 25th, I have my first round of interviews at Young Life in Chicago-land. They will start at 1 pm with 3 different 30 minute interviews with multiple people from the Chicago-land staff. Please keep me in your prayers on Friday. I became nervous today (I don't know why...oh wait, maybe because it's my first real job interview). So, who knows where this will lead, who knows where it will end up (Chicago...maybe Denver...maybe some place completely), but I just know that the more people who know about this and will be praying about this will be so important.
I'm going on the Axis Retreat this weekend, so hopefully before I leave I will be able to send another blog to let you know how it goes. Feel free to call after 3 pm on Friday if you want specific details (umm...yes, if you want to reach me, you should know the phone number...I'm crazy, but not crazy enough to post my phone number on the web). Otherwise...keep me in your prayers and good thoughts! Thanks friends!
love you all!
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Saturday, February 19, 2005
I'd like to mention something about uggs.
I do not own a pair of uggs. I think they are ugly. But I do believe some people can pull them off appropriately (ie: my best friend).
But if you are over the age of 30, have four kids, and are dressing like you are 15 in your short skit, bright pink shirt and a hodded sweatshirt, you should not have on uggs.
Do these people not have a loving community around them that will say "I love you and no"?
American Idol picked their 24 final contestants. One has really cute hair. I eventually want hair as cute as hers. I am going to make my top three predictions now. I'm not really good at this, but hey, it's worth the shot (these are in no order):
1. Mikalah Gordon
2. Mario Vazquez
3. Constantine Maroulis
American Idol now goes to three times a week, which means that I will only start watching it on Wednesdays (the night they announce who will be going on). The other two nights, I will have to rely on the witty remarks of these fools.
On the OC this week, we continue our saga with Sandy and Kirsten and the past. Damn you past...why don't you just leave us alone. Now they won't even eat Chinese food because of you. If you watch it careful, you realized there were two of my favorite things advertised in the show...The Best Week Ever and 2 Buck Chuck. Thank you OC for pushing these two things into America's hands.
On a rerun of Friends, we see how the girls win back the apartment...
On ER, I couldn't watch it because it dealt with a stroke...it made me think of my grammy...I miss her.
Scrubs this week was a genius episode. Seriously, are you still not watching? That's sad. No worries though, the first season comes out on DVD on May 17th. Get it.
And currently, I look like Ashlee Simpson. I have cute choppy hair which is now a deep chocolate brown. I like it.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
phone-hi, is Meghan there?
m-this is Meghan.
p-Hi meghan, this is Paul Howe, I saw your resume on churchstaffing.com and had a couple of questions for you. Do you have some time?
m-sure, go ahead.
[I'll go ahead and jump to the good part]
p-Well, I have an odd question for you...Have you ever considered being a Chaplin for the military?
interior monologue: HELL NO! There is no way I am going to Iraq.
m-Well, actually I don't think that's in my calling...
The conversation continues on and then I call my friend Cookie to tell her about, which in return she leaves one of the funniest messages around...in fact I have it still saved on my phone. But she said something when we talked later. Cookie said that she would pay to see me go through boot camp. I agreed that it would be a funny site, but that I would be in the best shape of my life.
So, starting on Monday, February 28th, I'm starting boot camp. At my gym, so not at some fort located in the middle of no where Iowa. It's 12 weeks long and I think, no I know that it's going to kick my a$$. And hopefully by May, I'll be looking good, just in time for swimsuit season.
Last night I wondered into the city to hang out with Craig. Craig is an actor at heart and he was the star in a one-act play. There were three other plays (all one act), but his was the best. And I'm not just saying that because you know he's my friend and I love him, but it really was the best. The first one was about a relationship (decent but the writer was cocky) and the last one was about a couple that wants to eat a man (like Craig said last night, I could have written better, and that is true).
We drove into the city together...which by the way, no traffic at 4:30 pm.that was a miracle. We had dinner at the good Italian place where prior to dinner we played hangman (the local church is the hope of the world and if you have the gift of leadership then lead) and talked about funny stories that happened once at a Super Bowl party.
We walked around, but as soon as we got outside, it was freaking' cold out and all I wanted was a cup of coffee (I couldn't feel my upper lip). I drove back last night, only to miss hanging out with my friend Mike, and got home just in time to watch American Idol, taped of course.
All, in all, it was great. I really had a fantastic time with Craig, just enjoying the city and watching him in his element. It's friendship like his that make me want to stay in Chicago...
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Now, here is my problem. There is an ad at the top of my excite page. With a toe, and at one point the toe nail lifts up. I have no idea what the add is for, but I CANNOT LOOK AT IT. I gag every time I see it, and the thought alone...eww!
Please, who ever thinks of that crap and then decides to put it on the web, please stop...my stomach can't handle much more.
Monday, February 14, 2005
For the first time in years, I actually have on red...I'm not donning my typical all black outfit in my disgust of this holiday.
It's actually a year that I want a valentine. And I had a possibility of spending time with someone this weekend who I am interested in and then they never called. So, that hurt...people I still believe in common courtesy. But as the books says, "he's just not into you". There is always person #2...maybe something will be there. Life will go on and there will be no bitterness towards the guilty party.
But today instead of focusing on the love I am without but on the people I am eternally grateful for. I thank each one of you for your support, encouragement, honesty, and the love you give me on an every day basis. Thank you...because of your friendship, my valentine's day is a little brighter this year.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
1. It will be long.
2. It will probably be sad (well, it's sad for me and my hope is that you can enter into that with me, but a majority of people cannot so, just pretend)
If you still have the patience for me to ramble, please continue on. Otherwise, come back next week from something a little less dramatic and we'll continue on.
Within the past three weeks, I have received information after information about people leaving Chicago. My mentor and the director of the internship...a majority of the interns who started with me (that was a given, it's now harder than I expected)...my friend Vivian...other people from Willow...David and Sara (given as well, but after spending two weeks with them it's still hard). I'm honestly questioning my role here in Chicago and if I want to stay. Why, when so much of my community is leaving, should I stay? I feel disconnected and sitting in a swirl of questions and emotions.
Perhaps it's my longing to be wanted...to be accepted...to be loved that is making this so tough for me. This is the only place I have ever lived and experienced a community that is transformational and willing to call me out on my crap and still love me inspite of it. And I appreciate that; in fact I now love it and can't imagine life without it. And now that's all changing. I don't do well with change. I like stability, traditions, the status quo. Heck, I even have assessments that say the those things. I told the Trinity the other day that if I need to stay, that I need relationships to start (any type of relationship)...I'm now waiting to see if that happens.
And then I saw Hotel Rwanda today. I needed a day to myself. To not be surrounded by people asking me the constant question of what are you doing next. I DON'T KNOW!!! Trust me...And you'll be on the list to find out...please stop asking! I needed a day to get up, straighten my room, take a long hot shower, go to lunch at Panera, read the paper, and spend time with the Trinity. I needed to reconnect with my soul. Of course I cried...it's powerful. If you watch that movie and don't cry, there are serious issues going on. And as it has been pointed out to me recently, I am a fighter of injustice. When my mentor told me that she was leaving, I got angry. It wasn't fair and it still isn't fair. So watching a movie where injustice is happening every second of every day...so not cool. A good cry was produced and I drove to the library in the silence of my car. I feel more connected with the Trinity and my soul, but I don't feel like I've still gotten to my gut to see what the Trinity is telling me about current and future situations.
All this to say is that January was hard, half way through February is hard, and I'm predicting that the next 4 months will be hard. No easy track for me. But there is hope, and that my friends is what I am clinging to right now.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Today though is my best day ever (well, not ever, I have had great days before...my first kiss, my graduation from college, senior pub crawl in college, getting my first car...). I received the following email:
Just a note to say that your senior statement of faith has been approved and needs no more work.
The toughest paper I've ever had to write is now officially finished. THANK YOU GOD! Appropriate celebration has now commenced.
Monday, February 07, 2005
My transmission has an issue, an internal problem.
I not only have a 100,000 mile warranty on my transmission (THANK YOU GOD), they are paying for my rental car and all I will pay for is my oil change.
I am so grateful that I am not out 5 grand...and that I get to drive my first rental car! Just shy of my 25 th birthday (which does mean that the thrill of renting a car now on my 25th is gone)...so sad.
While I was at Bethel, in line at the Super Target buying necessary snacks to keep me awake in class, I heard the following question:
"Hey Dad, who's Bruce Springsteen?"
ouch...that one hurt.
Last night during the Super Bowl halftime show (which I enjoyed, but that's because I appreciate and like the Beatles), a friend of mine was asked by a high school student if the man singing was John Mayer....
People, isn't it time we start to offer classes in high school on music before 1990? I think that could easily be an elective...in fact, I'll teach it if a school district would let me.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Before I leave, I need to turn in my lunch card...oh wait it's packed away...I'll mail it in.
I need to see Jason one more time...
I need to go to chapel, in case there is something I need to hear about...
But today is the last time I'll be on this campus, in intensives, in the Residence Inn truly enjoying community.
Today was my last chapel. Today will be the last time I see Jason until next March (I promise, I'm coming).
Today is the last day I'll be here and be a student.
When I arrive on June 10th (126 days from now), I'll be arriving to don a cap and gown and walk down an aisle and receive a degree that I have worked my ass off to receive. I've cried more, laughed harder, thought more, stretched myself as far as I thought I would go. And of course I'm sad.
When I arrive back in Chicago tonight, I will be on the down slope of my program. 4 more months. Out of 3 years in which I have changed so much that I don't even recognize myself at times, I have only 4 more months. The thought alone makes me want to throw up. I have no idea what is next. I have inklings of what is next. I have fear about where I will be and where I want to be. I have fear around losing the best community I will probably ever experience and whether or not I will ever find it again. So, I'm leaving Bethel today, only to arrive back and graduate. I need to make these last 4 months count...I need to make them the best....I need to reach those desires...perhaps Tennyson says it best:
Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean. Tears from the depth of some divine despair rise in the heart and gather to the eyes, in looking on the happy autumn-fields, and thinking of the days that are no more-Alfred Lord Tennyson
Thursday, February 03, 2005
it's because my t-shirt that i have on underneath is on backwards.
i've had it on for almost 8 hours and now i'm just realizing this...something deeper must be going on.
I want something to remind me of the transformation I have seen in my own life over the past three years. I want something that reminds me of the name that I felt the Trinity call me on a daily basis. I want something that I know is me, something I have come into full with, something that I identify with and no longer run from.
So, I think for graduation I'm going to get one. On my foot, under my flip flop line...a permanent reminder of my new name received from the Trinity.
My Beloved Daughter...in Hebrew...
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
The other thing I would like is 4 tickets to a U2 concert...any takers?? (a girl can dream can't she??)