the reality after 3 years

I was speaking with a friend today about something we are doing this summer. As we chatted about who we wanted to invite, they mentioned this "it's sad when I can't come up with more than 2 or 3 people I really want to invite."


Here's the reality...I could have said the exact same thing. There are 4 people here in Denver that I really want to be around, who I feel like they want to be around me. And in the midst of that, I have to wonder (and I apologize for the language) why the fuck I came out here. Not that things were wonderful in Chicago, but at least there, I had a truer sense of community. I followed a group out here, filled with the desire to love the Trinity more and the reality is that it was lead by a narcistic man who couldn't think outside of himself.

And here I am, 3 years later, feeling like I know 2 to 4 people that I could call if need be. And it's hard not to feel like you are alone in a large city...

Welcome to year 3 in Denver...God willing things begin to change.

La Traviata

Last night, my friend Christen and I went to enjoy a little bit of culture in Denver. We enjoyed a great dinner and then to see La Traviata.

It was last night that I fell in love with the opera.

I had seen an opera about a year ago and just couldn't get into it. It probably had to do with the group I was with, but for me, there was no connection.

Last night, I was swept up in the scenery, the costumes, the beautiful, moving music.

Even though we were in the last row of the theater, the price was well worth it. To hear a story about a love that withstands the test of time, perhaps that is what everyone wants

With you I would share
My days of happiness;
Everything is folly in this world
That does not give us pleasure.
Let us enjoy life,
For the pleasures of love are swift and fleeting
As a flower that lives and dies
And can be enjoyed no more.
Let's take our pleasure!
While its ardent,
Brilliant summons lures us on. -- La Traviata

Why June 13, 14, & 15 hold significance for me

I realized recently that the middle of June holds greater significance then I ever knew.

5 years ago on June 13, I walked into a stranger's house not knowing what to expect. I chose a seat near the windows, and 2 people sat down next to me. Little did I know that these people would change my life forever. David and Sara Worley have not only become dear, dear friends, they have become family members I can't imagine my life without. Constantly they invite me into their lives, their daughter's life, their house...5 years ago, I sat down next to 2 of the greatest people in the world and forever changed my view of what love looked like.

2 years ago on June 15, I pulled into a new town filled with expectation and hope. I slept in a new bedroom, in a new apartment that would simply become home. I had so many desires for what this town would hold, could hold, should hold. However, those desires, dreams, whatever you want to call them, were shattered within the first weekend. Pain that I've never experienced before, betrayal I thought would never happen, lies that surmounted all truth entered into Denver and then changed my view. While I've stayed and slowly true friends like Jared, David, and Sara have shone through, Denver's not the place I expected, yet found a new level stability for me to stand on.

1 year ago on June 14, I pulled into a driveway of an office building not knowing what the next hour would hold. I made the choice about 2 weeks earlier that I needed someone outside of my life to prove to me that I wasn't crazy. That what was happening (people manipulating me, saying one thing and doing something else) was truly happening and I wasn't imagining it. Thankfully, 1 year ago on June 14 I met my therapist, Mark, who changed my life. He was amazing then and is amazing now...

3 totally different dates, multiple years, however 3 significant days in my life. Perhaps good things do in 3's...I'm forever grateful to each one because they shaped me differently. As for these 3 days this year, who knows, but I'm open to the possibility of change.

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. -- Charles DuBois

Courage is something I don't think most people are born with. And if you are born with courage, at some point, you lose it.

My friend J recently posted a blog on his experience in living in Denver. Why he came, what happened once he arrived, where he sees himself going. That takes courage. Especially because some people will deny what his experience was like or that they have any part in his pain.

However, while I know that my story is so similar to J's, the part that causes me to get is angry is when people leave in the midst of the pain. People saw J, myself, others in the midst of the pain and they did nothing. No, that's not true, the contributed more pain. Instead of sitting in the pain, in the midst of feeling crazy, they convinced me that I was crazy. They refused to hear the other side of the story. Because it was too painful for them.

While I wish I had the courage to call these people out and let them know that I don't understand why after years of relationship building how they can walk away. That when I trusted them with my soul, they decided to piss all over it.

So until I can muster up the courage to tell these people what happened through my eyes, I'm grateful for the 3 people who have stuck by me through it all. I love you each dearly...DW, Sara, and J. You each make my days brighter.

the most authentic thing I've read

My friend Jared recently posted on his experience in moving to Denver. And while I've only danced around the issue, never fully putting it in writing what exactly happened when I moved here, he says exactly what did (at least in his own life).

To get a taste of what his experience was like and to read the most authentic piece I've read in a while, please go here.