Let's get you back to Kenya

I've started therapy again. It's been two years since the last time. The last time focused around the trauma that was Radius. This time, well, we are focusing more on me.

I will not go into details, about why I am going, what we are discussing. Only a few people know those details.

However last night, we were talking about the three major things I wanted to work on through therapy. The last one has to deal with my job. I enjoy my job. I enjoy my co-workers. But, at the end of the day, I still realize this isn't what I am suppose to be doing. And as I speak with my therapist, it is a constant reminder that I know what I should be doing with my life.

She ended last night with "well, let's get you back to Kenya." Out of everything we talked about yesterday, this is what is still sitting with me.

I sit and question what does it look like for me to get back to Kenya, without literally going. How do I do what I know I'm suppose to be doing, from Denver, or even the states?

Let's get you back to Kenya. The one place in recent history where I felt totally alive, totally me, totally centered.

Let's get you back to Kenya...heavy words to consider.

You can help!

In response to the last post, I've created a set on my flickr page in order to help the Were family.

This set is to help the Were family find safety.  All profits will be going directly to help this cause.  Should you want to help, please contact me to order prints.

Prices:

5 4x6 -- $5

1 5x7 -- $8

1 8x10 -- $10

All prices include shipping as well as the story involving the picture.

I thank you and the Were family thanks you for your support.

In order to help

On Tuesday, we learned that Julius' brother had been murdered in Kenya. Just when we thought it couldn't get any closer, it has.

Julius left yesterday to fly back to Kenya to help settle his brother's estate and to help find safety for his siblings. And while I am praying for his safety while he is there, I'm seeking another way to help.

Financially, the Were's need money to get out of Kenya. Starting on Saturday, all of my Kenya pictures will be for sale with all the profits going directly to helping the Were family.

Please stop by my flickr page on Saturday to see what you could purchase to help this family get to safety. More details to follow on how to order your pictures.

And it continues

I had a dream recently, one where I was back in Kenya.  The Kenya I knew and fell in love with over the summer.  I was sitting around with my Kenyan friends, laughing and playing spoons.

And the reality slowly becomes that the Kenya I knew and fell in love with this summer is ripping itself apart.  And I become nervous.  My friends are suffering great losses and from here, I have no idea what to do.

I received news this morning that my dear friend Julius has lost a family member in the midst of this saga.  And my fear as Julius flies back to Nairobi is what is going to happen to him while he is there. 

This is huge trauma to Julius and his family, but also to us as his friends.  I know I've asked it before, but what do you do when a place you love is falling apart at the seams?  Until I figure out an answer, I read articles like this and cry over the loss and the helplessness I feel.

Emmanuel

God is with us.  This is what Emmanuel means, however, Emmanuel also means a beautiful father who cares for his children deeply and who loves people fully.

Emmanuel is Julius' brother, who lives in Kenya with his three children.  We were fortunate to spend quality time with him this summer and I love him...he's amazing.

We recently got this email from Julius regarding his brother:  He has been robbed by policemen who beat him with those big sticks they carry for no apparent reason at all.  He has been robbed at gun point but all in all he will live to see another day.  Right now, I [Julius] am unable to keep in touch with him over the phone because that too was stolen...This is the scary news yet we still pray for peace and common sense to return to Kenya.  He will be okay.  Pray earnestly for peace and calm to return to Kenya.  I am trying to pretend that he is okay...

I'm so angry, so frustrated, so disturbed by this.  I know that there is nothing I can do from all the way over here, but I feel helpless now.  Please continue to pray, please continue to ask questions...I can't see a piece of my heart, my home, my family continue to be ripped apart like this...

An update from Kenya

Josie Mai, the Executive Director of Soulfari, recently sent out this email to update us all on what's happening in Kenya. I wanted to share it with all of you that keep Kenya on your mind:

Do you remember having growing pains as a kid? I remember lying in my bed at night, legs aching so badly I couldn't sleep. The pain never lasted long,but it reminded me that my body was becoming an adult,full, it's whole self.

This is the only way I can view the current violence and aching in Kenya. Relatively, they are still a new country, only recently playing by their own rules, not the colonist's. The rules are set, a few people are not playing by them, and the masses suffer. I won't goon about the details. As of this morning, a secondarily of protest has been stifled by the police and Kibaki is softening toward a recount. Transparency of this recount is the only thing that will ease Kenyans back to their daily lives. The media source I am following is BBC radio and internet. They are actually interviewing Kenyans, not just showing the"slum-dwellers" running amok as Kenya is "convulsed".

I talked for a long time with Julius on the phone last night. He, like the rest of us, is helpless to do anything tangible for our friends and family in Kenya.He spoke with passion about the situation, and I listened and asked my questions like a good sister,like a good executive director. Emmanuel and the kids are OK. They are in Dandora, a predominantly Kikuyu(Kibaki) slum and they are essentially Luo(opposition). Shops are closed, there is no transport,they are staying indoors. Florence is a sister living upcountry, closer to Uganda. There is even police presence there, in the country. She lives in a predominantly Luo area and reports Kikuyu's fleeing into Uganda. Other friends and family members are OK.I am not concerned about the Missionaries of Charity.They have built a fortress of a compound and can lock the 15 foot gate anytime. I am more concerned aboutVilla Teag in Dandora. The kids are safe inside, but I don't know about Zaria and the workers who usually come and go and do not actually live there.

As an organization, Soulfari Kenya will move through this with our Kenyan friends. We are in this for the long haul. None of our work is in vain. Meaningful relationships are never in vain. The trip for July 2008 is still on. We will make a final decision in April when it is time to purchase airfare. One week of political turmoil does not change the personal friendships we have forged with Nelson, Kym, Kwame,Gloria, the kids of Huruma, Emmanuel, Franci, Mary,and Kevin, Helen, Pamela, Salim etc etc.

In this present moment, money won't help. Shops are closed. But there will be some rebuilding to do. We want to be able to help in this process. If you are interested in donating specifically to rebuild the livelihood of our Kenyan partners, let us know. Or donate right now through paypal at our blog:www.soulfarikenya.blogspot.com

Meanwhile, you can also purchase a beautiful calendar created for Soulfari, filled with the faces and service that define us. Hang one where you will see it every day, to be reminded of the growing pains of our Kenyan friends, that it will pass, that there is health, hope, and happiness around the corner. You can order it here:http://www.lulu.com/content/1248988

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers and concerns.Continue to be informed, and hopeful.

Josie Mai
Executive Director and Founder
Soulfari Kenya Inc

take a second

If you've read this blog for 3 years or 3 minutes, you know that I have found a deep place for Kenya in my heart. After experiencing the beauty and wonder this past summer, it breaks my heart to see and hear what is going on in Kenya.

I've been worried about friends back there, curious to know what their perspective is like. Thankfully, my friend Nelson has kept me up-to-date on his side of the story from Kenya.

Today, I received this email from him:

Today there is a planed rally by the opposition In Nairobi and the government has denied them the permit to hold that rally. We are praying that The Government and the opposition would sit down together and sort this mess they have created. Today there are prayers for our country in a church near where I leave and I plan to attend. Take care and God bless you

I'm asking for 2 things this morning:
1) Please read what is happening and educate yourself. This is more than just a bad presidential election, this could be the beginning of something much, much bigger.

2) In however it takes shape for you, please pray for Kenya. This is a piece of my heart, my home, and I have friends there that I love deeply and miss on a regular basis. It's been so long since I've asked for prayer like this, and to be honest, I don't know what to pray for. At this moment, anything will be helpful.

It just scares me and breaks my heart to see this happening to my home...

i can't shake this feeling

I've been back from Africa for 11 weeks.

Last week, I was watching Life is Wild, a show "supposedly" set in South Africa about a family that picks up their life and moves there to try to become a family again.

Trust me, it wasn't the Africa I know and love. However, towards the end of the show, my Africa song started playing.

And I lost it. I sat in my living room and bawled like a little baby.

I miss Africa, more importantly, I miss Kenya. I miss the kids I interacted with, I miss the friends I made, I miss Kym. I still smell Kenya every where I go. I feel like I'm losing parts of the story I knew to be there. I feel like I'm missing a piece of myself and there are times when I listen to my soundtrack that I made for Kenya and I still tear up.

The dates have been set for the 2008 trip and I am seriously reconsidering going. My heart aches for Kenya and I don't know what to do about it here in the States.

What do you do when you miss the place that makes you feel most like you?

The reality of Kenya

My friend Bri recently sent me this article regarding the dump in Dandora.

And this is the reality of what I saw while I was there.

They aren't storks, they are pterodactyls. The site of a school next door is overwhelming because you hear the children laughing over playing together and then you see the site of what they are playing next to. To think that my friends lived next door to this and survived is amazing to me.

This is the reality of Nairobi. This is what needs help. This is affecting the communities that are near by. The government, both Kenyan and world wide governments, need to figure out a solution to this problem. Because it's dumb to think it's only affecting Kenya, it's happening in all developing countries. And it's changing people's lives.

I just wish I knew how to fix the problem. Because I can't imagine what this problem is going to be like in 50 years.

I'm back

And I've been back since last Thursday. And the past week has been hard, harder than I thought it would be.

There are moments when I'm so glad to be back. To have the ability to take a shower, lay in the ac, check email, etc...these are things to be grateful for. However, in the same breath, I miss Kenya. I miss tusker, samosas, and chapati. I miss Bri like crazy. I miss Jen, Josie, Jodi, Joolee and Sarah...I almost feel like I knew who I was more while I was in Kenya.

Here's what I realized about me:

• There are still people I think about, whether I want to or not. In fact, I had a dream about one of them, a dream that was pretty significant, however I can't share it with her. She hasn't pursued me in over a year, why the hell should I tell her about it.
• That my job is something I need/want to settle in the near future (defining near future is harder than I thought). Is it time to change or to realize that my job is providing the means for the life I really want.
• That I'm grateful for the life I have and the life I want.

But, life continues on. I go to concerts (I saw Ryan Adams' last night and loved every minute of it), I get haircuts, I take naps.

And I laugh:


But until things settle down, be prepared for the scattered.

I made it safe and sound...there is an update on www.meghaninkenya.blogspot.com

Hope you are well :)

What you should know about the upcoming month

First of all, I am not dead, missing, or extremely busy. I'm busy, but not busy enough to write.

However, I am preparing for an experience of a lifetime. I leave tomorrow for Kenya. I can't believe it's finally here. I reread my first blog on my Kenya site and realized that I've been dreaming about this day since September. And now it's here. Not just here, but HERE.

I'm packing, cleaning, preparing all day long. I can't believe it's finally come to this.

I wanted to let you know what to expect in the next month. If you read one blog, you'll probably see the same on the other. Perhaps this is lame, I'm okay with it. It's just easier to keep up one blog when you are paying for your Internet time.

So wish me luck, keep in touch, and keep reading...Kenya, here I come!

86 days

I can't believe that I leave for Kenya in 86 days.

In 86 days, my life will be changed forever.

In 86 days, my friendship with Bri will go to a whole new level.

However, in 21 days, all of my money is due for my trip. And if I were Bri, this wouldn't be an issue.

But for me it is.

I have 17 days till I need to transfer all of my money out of my account and write a big check. And I'm still needing to raise $2,100. I'm willing to put it on my credit card or dip into the savings I have, but still that's a lot of money.

I'm confident it will happen, in some fashion, but if you are contemplating giving, please visit my site before the 17 days are up and donate to my trip. Because when you give, you come with me on my trip...and I'd love to have you there.

$3275

I just received my final tab for the trip and this is how much I have left to raise.

I often fear that I'm not going to make it. My friend Bri is a rockstar and only has like $380 left to raise. She's kicking ass and taking names as she gets all of her funds in way before she even has to.

I'm trying to remain faithful, that it will all come together, but sometimes it's hard to remember...

So, still looking for donors...near and far. Please consider giving...go here.

I'm feeling that I could get desperate really quick and I don't want to be desperate.

The habit of giving only enhances the desire to give. -- Walt Whitman

One would think after fundraising for 3 years, I would get use to this...the waiting, the wondering, the stress, the confusion. And yet, every time, it's a new experience.

I stand in awe in the people giving to my trip. I feel so loved through their generosity. Surprises in the faces who give, in the amounts they give, why they give. Having their support continues to push me to give as much as possible while I am in Kenya.

There are moments when I wonder, if I will go, what will happen to me while I am there, what will be broken, what will be resurrected, what will die and what will live. And while it's easy to stand in the fear of knowing and not knowing, for me, it only pushes me towards love. How can I love more here, how can I love more when I get to Kenya. What does it mean in light of my journey.

So, to my supporters, thank you...you are helping me realize a dream, which is an indescribable feeling.

Why stress just might kill me...

Sometimes I wonder if I take on too much at once...I've never been someone with killer patience. I often want to do more than I can.

Case and point...

Buying a townhouse....Last night, as I sat around with my beautiful friends, we realized what this opportunity means for all of us. A space for us to grow into, where we can be comfortable and relaxed with each other. And what it means for me...it's going to be an amazing opportunity.

Moving up in my career...beautiful and dangerous at the same time. Having people recognize what I am capable of is always a good thing...changing positions, probably not ideal in the midst of everything.

Kenya...I'm nervous about making my fundraising goals. I shouldn't be, I know that the trip is suppose to happen and I'm suppose to be on it. I feel it in my gut, but what if? What if I can't do it? What if I can't find the money? Maybe it's a bad idea...(I know it's not, but this is a thought that is running through my head).


Anyways, I'm hoping my attitude changes before New Orleans because I want to enjoy my time...but I'm also hoping that stress isn't real and that everything will eventually come together. Until then, I think I'll go get some coldstone.

Do the (RED) thing

My friend Frank wrote recently on how the (RED) manifesto might actually be something that could change the world.

The (RED) manifesto states, in not so many words, that if you buy a (RED) product, you are in fact helping the AIDS pandemic in Africa. And who wouldn't want to help stop that?

I received a (RED) razor for Christmas, in part because I needed a new phone, and in part for my trip to Kenya. I don't know what is being stirred in me, but I want to help this pandemic. I believe that we could change the world if we saved Africa (and I don't me the evangelical Christian definition of saved either).

So, what can you do? You can buy a (RED) product, you can support me on my trip to Kenya, and ultimately, you can figure out how save the Continent of Africa before it's gone.

Buy (RED).