Friday, May 23, 2008

I will be 30 in 663 days

That has nothing to do with this post, it's just a fact that I'm keeping in mind.

I once had a friend who always talked about moving back to their home town. They would talk about the possibilities and then, it wouldn't happen. And while the hype eventually got to be a little much, I began to wonder if they really ever wanted to move or just wanted the possibility of something new and exciting in their life.

Every 3 years, I get the itch to move. I blame it on my upbringing. We moved every 3 1/2 years. Like clockwork, I began to realize that summers equated moving to a new town. And while KC was the longest I had ever lived in the same house and the same city, I created new things to change every 3 years. Friends, churches, a lot of ways, moving was the most stable thing in my life.

Here it is, 3 years after I moved to Denver. And of course, I feel the need to shake things ups. Besides a handful of friends and the condo, there really isn't anything keeping me here. I've lost more friends over the last 3 years than I think I have in any of my previous years. In a lot of ways, I feel like I've lost a mission for my life.

And if you can't leave (Denver's housing market is the 10th worst in the country currently), how do you shake things up to get a sense of new?

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Hi, you might remember me...

I use to author this crazy blog.

And it's weird to think 2 months have gone by without a post. It's not like nothing has happened. I had birthday, I went to Vegas, I had good friends in town, I had my parents in town, we kicked off spring with a wonderful bbq at my place, I was on federal jury duty, I picked up a part-time job, I've had people come back into my life, and I've had people take steps out.

Winter has finally ended and spring is arriving in Denver. The change of seasons always makes me think. What needs to be put to rest, what should come to life, what eventually should bring new life? And as much as I could force an eloquent post about what is changing in my life, the reality is that I have nothing to say. I don't want to force a post (much like a forced email I read recently) because I must post something.

Here's the deal...overall, I'm happy. I'm content...the people who have left have made me grieve and realize that sometimes, things end. The door is still open and will always be open, but movement is required. I've resolved the fact that my weekends for the next year are taken. I'm excited about the possibility of new friends at my part-time job. I'm really grateful for my friendships, new and old, that are willing to love me, in spite of my stubbornness and my hectic schedule. I have a hilarious dog that keeps me company (even when he breaks the screen door).

For the first time in a long time, I feel centered. And I don't feel selfish for saying that.

So, while I could tell you about the 7 mimosas I drank in Vegas or the fact that kissed Beth or that jury duty was a needed break and that I think I've made a decision about grad school, until the real words come, I'm okay with the silence.