Friday, December 29, 2006

Maybe this year will be better than the last

I've spent the last few days re-reading through my posts of 2006, trying to figure out what to say about the last year.

And there's the part of me that wants to be extremely vulnerable, letting the world know exactly what happened, and how I feel more free now than I did a year ago.

There's the other part of me, the rational part, that realizes that might not be the best idea.

I had wanted this year to be marked by love. And I don't think that happened until August. So for 7 months, this year was marked by pain, suffering, grief, and ultimately making hard decisions.

Understanding that what I had come out to Denver for and what actually was happening were two totally different things. And not even things you can justify. Choosing out was the best decision for me. The repercussions of that weren't what I expected (losing friends from the last 4 years, lies, rumors, believing I was crazy, etc) but the peace and freedom I have now, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

It was in August, when things started feeling like normal again. When I started to realize I wasn't crazy (thanks to my friends and my therapist), when I realized that the people around me were feeling it too and when life started to return to my eyes. It was in August that I realized what had fully happened to the last year of my life.

So, I would say the last part of 2006 were in fact marked by love. Love that causes you to take risks, to not be so angry, to hear truth, to sit in beauty, and ultimately love that causes you to move and grow. I've been blessed by some great friends, some incredible stories, and some new fun things.

It's funny...I looked through all the songs that I put on my blog this last year, and my soundtrack is totally par for the course of what I was feeling in the last year...

Faithfully by Journey
One by U2
Thank You by Alanis Morissette
I Will Not Take These Things for Granted by Toad the Wet Sproket
Confidence (For You I Will) by Teddy Geiger
Not Ready to Make Nice by Dixie Chicks
Oh Well by Fiona Apple
How to Save a Life by The Fray
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
Boston by Augustana
Reasons Why by Rachel Yamagata
Look After You by The Fray
Someday You Will Be Loved by Death Cab for Cutie
Anna Begins by Counting Crows
Windows in the Sky by U2
Come Pick Me Up by Ryan Adams

Not a bad playlist in light of the year I had...

What does 2007 hold? Craziness like turning 27 and realizing I'm now in my late 20's. Like buying a condo...and not freaking out about it. Like going to Kenya. Like going after a job I totally deserve. And realizing that in the midst of everything, the consistency of community, relationality, the Trinity will not change, and for that I am so grateful. I have a hope that maybe this year will be better than the last.

And again, praying that 2007 will be marked by love.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Since it's snowing...again...

Here's something to help you understand what's going on with the weather in Denver...

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Friday, December 22, 2006

F-ing crazy...

So, yesterday was the best day ever...Why?

When I got up at 7:00 am (not part of the best day ever), I made breakfast.  I put in Scrubs (I had 3 seasons to get through).  I laid in bed, relaxing and simply enjoying the fact that I didn't have to work on a Thursday.

But by 11:00 am, I thought I was going to go crazy.  I had been couped up for 2 days and needed to get out.  So, I started making phone calls.  Penn Street Perk, closed.  Panera, closed.  Uptown Tavern...OPEN!  I loaded up my computer, put on my snow gear and walked the 3 blocks to a packed bar, to use the Internet and be with people.  Eventually Sheralee met me there and enjoyed some adult beverages with me.  I chatted on gmail, looked at myspace, and just enjoyed the people around me.

Eventually Sheralee and I left, and went back to my apartment to grab my camera.  She and I walked around the capital and cathedral, taking pictures of the beauty of the city.  It was so peaceful and absolutely beautiful.  We got to the capital and some girls let us take a couple of slides down on their sled.  People were so kind and giving in the midst of all of this.  The joyful spirit was overcoming so many people.  Jim met up with us and then we walked downtown.  The 16th Street Mall was beautiful and then we went to Lime for dinner (Jim ate...Sheralee and I just enjoyed his company).

After dinner, we were walking back to my apartment so I could check into Southwest for my flight today (more on that in a second).  But it was so far to walk, and it had gotten colder.  So, we started hitch-hiking.  And thankfully some New Yorker picked us up and took us to my apartment!  THANK YOU!!

Once I grabbed my info, we walked to Jim's and eventually came to the intersection of 12th and Pennsylvania, where 2 RTD buses had t-boned.  However, in the middle of the t-bone was a keg...




So, Jim, Sheralee and I took our free beer and walked down to his apartment.  I love it that people are so friendly in the midst of all of this.

I got my boarding pass, I'm sitting at the butt is a little numb from sitting since 7:00 am.  But I'm here, and supposedly I'm leaving tonight.  I'm anxious to get to KC, and hopefully I'm on a plane in 3 hours.  I'm prepared though...1st season of Grey's, a couple of movies, and trashy magazines...all in all, not too bad.  

But if I don't get out tonight, then we might have problems.

Pictures from the walk yesterday will be up later :)

Thursday, December 21, 2006

An unexpected snow day...

We were all sent home today at noon because of the blizzard. I took Mark back to his house and then I made my way to Safeway and to 7-11. Why? Why not just go home? I had no food in my refrigerator. My fridge had 1 britta pitcher, 2 cherry cokes, and 12 beers. Which wouldn't be a bad thing considering that I am leaving on Friday to go back to KC and then when I get back, I'm house sitting for 12 days. So, why go to the store if I didn't need to? This was before I had to go home. I went to Safeway, realizing that I would need food since there was no way in hell I was going out once I got home. Plus I needed gas. I wasn't going to leave my car with 1/4 of a tank of gas in the midst of the 2006 blizzard.

Once I got home, I changed into my comfy clothes. I made lunch and then turned on the TV. I watched last week's "The Office" and "Scrubs". I rested, read the paper, and listened to music. I made brownies, took out the trash, and currently, I'm watching "The Blues Brothers". Now, this doesn't feel like the worst day ever, but I'm slowly getting cabin fever. I use to have days like this back in Chicago where I could just lounge. How in 2 years things have changed. I'm slowly getting restless. I wish my internet was back so I could surf the web and just play around. I wish I had neighbors who didn't hog their internet. Now, if the office remains closed tomorrow, I have no idea what I am going to do. I might wander over to Panera. Get some soup and steal their internet. But they might not be open. Everything is closing or is closed.

Colorado Mills -- Closed
City of Fort Lipton -- Closed (how does a city close down?!)
Dumb Friends League -- Closed
Great West Life Insurance and Annuity -- Closed

And I love that the national news is reporting on this blizzard. OH MY GOSH! IT'S SNOWING IN DENVER...A LOT OF SNOW! FREAK OUT NOW!

So, who knows what tomorrow will hold. But thankfully, I'm safe and sound and nothing is wrong with me...except for this damn cabin fever.

On a side note, my friend J was suppose to leave today to fly back to Chicago. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, which made me worry about my flights on Friday. Hopefully I should get out and get back to KC.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Baby it's cold outside

Blizzard Warning Issued For Denver Metro Area...

That's right folks, it's snowing like crazy in Denver and it's only suppose to get worse.

Thank you to the CEO and Presidents for closing the office at noon today and not opening back up until noon tomorrow...maybe not even opening tomorrow.

It's like getting a free day off...

I love it!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered...

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway. -Mother Teresa

Monday, December 18, 2006

"A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours." -- John B. Priestly

Perhaps this weekend was one of the best I've had in a really long time.

I'll even venture to say in the last 18 months.

Now granted, I'm sick, really sick, and I was sick over the weekend, but that didn't stop me from making this weekend awesome.

9 of us went to Keystone for the weekend. We all got up to the townhouse at various hours in the day, but it was a weekend of relaxing, laughing, watching TV and just being together. Some of us skied, some of us went to the hot tub, some of us laid on the couch the whole day. And for everyone there it was an amazing weekend to just get away and enjoy each other.

I'm always hesitant to go on vacation with people I know. A majority of the time, it doesn't end well. However, after spending the weekend with the people who genuinely care about me, who encourage and support me, and who know what makes me tick, it was the best thing I could have done for my soul.

So to Beth, Frank, Maria, Jen, Jared, Sara, David, and Sara...THANK YOU! This weekend was amazing. Thank you for redeeming the weekend in the mountains and for loving me so well...I loved every minute of it.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

these are a few of my favorite things...

Today is quite possibly one of the best days ever...

Here's why:

I love that it's the middle of December and it's 60 degrees in Denver.

I love that the Golden Globes were announced today and I saw it live (and think some people were robbed and some people got much needed nominations)

I love that I'm going to a concert tonight with my friend Sara and that it's within walking distance of my house and that it's one of my favorite bands.

I love that tomorrow afternoon I'm going on vacation with 8 fabulous people to the mountains to relax in the hot tub, ski down a mountain, and simply be with's how a vacation should be.

I love that I'm going to KC in a week and can't wait to simply sleep in, have my mom do my laundry and see beautiful friends.

I love that my soul took a major change the other week and it changes the way I see people.

I love that I am a little less angry over the last year than I was a week ago.

I love that I no longer feel shame when a friend chooses out of relationship with me. I know I did nothing wrong (or I've owned what I did wrong)...if they choose to be childish and remove me without telling me, that's their issue not mine.

I love that I'm taking initiative in my life...knowing what I want and am willing to go after it.

Most of all, I'm grateful friendships, old and new, love, beauty and truth...because it's Christmas - And at Christmas you tell the truth

Sunday, December 10, 2006

and the soul felt its worth...

For some reason, this Christmas season is a little hard for me to get into. I don't know if it's the grieving from the last year that I am doing or if it's lack of space I am creating, but for me, I am not fully able to engage the holiday season this year. But, oh how I wish I could...

Today in the mail, I received the KBCO Holiday CD. A free holiday cd...I am shocked and amazed how this radio station sends me random cds that are amazing. On it contains my favorite Christmas song, O Holy Night...every version of it I love and this version, sung by The Fray, is amazing...for some reason, this song has helped me engage the season...I just hope it last for the next 2 weeks.

O holy night,
The stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of
Our dear Savior's birth!
Long lay the world
In sin and error pining,
Till He appeared
And the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope,
The weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks
A new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees,
O hear the angel voices!
O night divine,
O night when Christ was born!
O night divine, O night,
O night divine!

Led by the light of Faith
Serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts
By His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star
Sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men
From Orient land.
The King of Kings lay thus
In lowly manger,
In all our trials
Born to be our Friend!
He knows our need,
To our weakness no stranger;
Behold your King!
Before the lowly bend!
Behold your King! your King!
Before Him bend.

Truly He taught us
To love one another;
His law is love and
His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break
For the slave is our brother
And in His name
All oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in
Grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us
Praise His holy name!
Christ is the Lord,
Oh praise His name forever,
His pow'r and glory evermore proclaim
His pow'r and glory
Evermore proclaim.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

it just became very real

On Friday, I spoke with my real estate agent (back story, last year I started looking for a place but it felt so overwhelming, so crushing and I couldn't do it). He and I hadn't spoken in a while and he's real concern was to see if I was okay. Not if I had made progress on my search, or if I wanted out, but he was curious to see if I was alive.

I know!

But then the most random thing happened. After I sent him an email of a condo that I really like, he sponsored me for my trip to Africa. Of all the people that could have donated, who have known about my trip, who understand my passion and what I am about, the last person I expected to give was him.

I am still in shock...

And as I told my friend Sheralee today over google chat, all of the sudden, my trip became very real. And now, I am more than excited than ever to go.

Friday, December 01, 2006

to Kenya I will go

Imagine one of your greatest be a world traveler, to invent something extraordinary, to make a difference.

Now imagine if it could come true...

For me, my dreams are about to become my reality. About 2 months ago, my friend Bri told me about how she would be able to get back to Kenya this next summer. She told me about what she would be doing there. She told me that I should look into it. Of course I've always wanted to go, to see something bigger than myself.

However, my first response to her was no. There was no way I could go. How would I do it financially, relationally, work-wise? For me, in major decisions, I turn to fear first and then realize what is and is not possible.

So Bri sent me the website. And I looked, and what I found was something I couldn't pass up.

So, from July 5-26, 2007 I, too, will be going to Kenya. For the first part of the trip, I'll be working with Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity, which consist of a school and a residential home for over 150 abandoned or orphaned women and children. The second part will be with Villa Teag Children's Center which consist of a school and residential facility for children who no longer have parents to care for them. The last part of my trip will include a safari and rest to re-enter a world that I probably won't recognize.

My trip site is up and is there to help you, and possibly help me. Here you can find more about my process of going, here how I am prepping and what it's like upon my return. You can also help me realize my dream. In order for me to go, I need to raise $5,000 (which includes everything from my flights to my food).

Please consider make my dreams a reality