Friday, December 29, 2006

Maybe this year will be better than the last

I've spent the last few days re-reading through my posts of 2006, trying to figure out what to say about the last year.

And there's the part of me that wants to be extremely vulnerable, letting the world know exactly what happened, and how I feel more free now than I did a year ago.

There's the other part of me, the rational part, that realizes that might not be the best idea.

I had wanted this year to be marked by love. And I don't think that happened until August. So for 7 months, this year was marked by pain, suffering, grief, and ultimately making hard decisions.

Understanding that what I had come out to Denver for and what actually was happening were two totally different things. And not even things you can justify. Choosing out was the best decision for me. The repercussions of that weren't what I expected (losing friends from the last 4 years, lies, rumors, believing I was crazy, etc) but the peace and freedom I have now, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

It was in August, when things started feeling like normal again. When I started to realize I wasn't crazy (thanks to my friends and my therapist), when I realized that the people around me were feeling it too and when life started to return to my eyes. It was in August that I realized what had fully happened to the last year of my life.

So, I would say the last part of 2006 were in fact marked by love. Love that causes you to take risks, to not be so angry, to hear truth, to sit in beauty, and ultimately love that causes you to move and grow. I've been blessed by some great friends, some incredible stories, and some new fun things.

It's funny...I looked through all the songs that I put on my blog this last year, and my soundtrack is totally par for the course of what I was feeling in the last year...

Faithfully by Journey
One by U2
Thank You by Alanis Morissette
I Will Not Take These Things for Granted by Toad the Wet Sproket
Confidence (For You I Will) by Teddy Geiger
Not Ready to Make Nice by Dixie Chicks
Oh Well by Fiona Apple
How to Save a Life by The Fray
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
Boston by Augustana
Reasons Why by Rachel Yamagata
Look After You by The Fray
Someday You Will Be Loved by Death Cab for Cutie
Anna Begins by Counting Crows
Windows in the Sky by U2
Come Pick Me Up by Ryan Adams

Not a bad playlist in light of the year I had...

What does 2007 hold? Craziness like turning 27 and realizing I'm now in my late 20's. Like buying a condo...and not freaking out about it. Like going to Kenya. Like going after a job I totally deserve. And realizing that in the midst of everything, the consistency of community, relationality, the Trinity will not change, and for that I am so grateful. I have a hope that maybe this year will be better than the last.

And again, praying that 2007 will be marked by love.

1 comment:

dbb said...

I'm glad we've spent the last part of 2006 together and I'm looking forward to seeing what comes out of 2007.