Less than 2 weeks away

By this point in 2 weeks, I will have turned 30. I will have celebrated with my girlfriends in Denver over dinner and will be getting ready for 3 friends to come in to celebrate with me that weekend. I'm really looking forward to that part; the whole actually admitting that I'm 30, well, that's a different story.

I had started out the year with 12 goals. With the year being 3 months in and my birthday being less than 2 weeks away, here's my grades currently:
1. Lose 30 pounds by my 30th Birthday current grade: D- I have taken some strides but not enough. Plans are being set for this to change here shortly.


2. Live within a budget for 12 months grade: C. I did decent the first month and a half. However, I need to get back on track. I am doing much better than I was, that's for damn sure.

3. Go on a vacation grade: C. I haven't planned anything, nor have I made any plans. Hopefully that will change soon.

4. Read at least 1 book a month grade: A+ What I have read: The Lost Symbol and The Help. What I am currently reading: Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match

5. Take a class on a new skill grade: B- I've signed up for a knitting class starting in April :)

6. For 1 month put laundry away right away after they are washed and folded grade: A+++ seriously, I realize now that this is a blessing and so much better for my spirit. Also, having a roommate has help.

7. Pick up a new sport (I'm considering tennis) grade: F I haven't made any decisions on this.

8. Turn off the tv for a month grade: B I have decided that June is my month and we'll see how it goes.

9. Schedule a trip with my best friend (perhaps 3 and 9 can go together) grade: F She and I haven't even spoken about it.

10. Climb a 14'ner next summer grade: B- I have spoken to my friend J about it and she's willing to help, so that's a step in the right direction

11. Finally get my tattoo. grade: D- I still have no idea what I would get, where I could get it (I'm not getting a tramp stamp) and when I would get it.

12. Come to realize that where I thought I would be when I turned 30 and where I am is okay and where am I suppose to be grade: C- I'm getting better with this, however, I still have moments (almost daily) where I struggle with my expectation management. But, like I said, it's getting better....

Less than 2 weeks...here goes nothing...

yeah, yeah, it was my birthday

I've recently said that 2009 is in the running for the worst year. I don't know 2005 can be topped, but it so far, 2009 is in the running.

I typically spend the entire month of March celebrating my birthday. However, due to the circumstances of 2009, I had no desire to celebrate. I couldn't find a reason to spend the whole month celebrating.

So, I put my desire to celebrate aside. In my words, it wasn't worth celebrating. However, my beautiful friends decided otherwise.

Here's how I spent my 29th birthday. Technically it started with dinner on Sunday night with a friend. I was taken to a great Italian restaurant here in Denver and enjoy the company of a good friend. Monday included breakfast at Snooze, only to be surprised that my friends Christie and Daniel were more than generous, all the way from Kansas City and took care of my meal, pedicures with Maria, margaritas at Wahoos, dinner at Maggianos with Sheralee and Maria and drinks at the Bull. Throughout the day, I got lots of loving messages from friends and family. For a day that I didn't want to celebrate, it ended up being a blessing. I felt loved, wanted, appreciated...and for the last few months, that hasn't been true.

Thank you to everyone who participated. It wouldn't have been the same without you.

Maybe 2009 is starting to look up...here's to hoping for the best 29th year possible.

I felt so loved this weekend

In 2005, I had the best birthday. Friends sitting around a dinner table, not needing to carry the conversation, but letting the conversation flow, enjoying each other, feeling loved in ways I had never experienced.

In 2006, well, it sucked. I couldn't understand why people who had never had a desire to be in relationship with me showed up. Granted, I did invite them, but they could have said no. I sat there and watched 2 women come late and leave early and I thought I was friends with these people. 2 men hijacked my TV to watch the basketball games instead of celebrating me, because the silence was too much to bear. What we did afterward, I don't remember, and trying to forget that birthday is worth it.

However, this year was beautiful. Thursday night, I started off with dinner with friends. We went to the Cricket, enjoyed burgers and beers, laughing, talking and simply being. It felt like a family dinner. Friday I took off from work, i wanted to celebrate my day fully. I slept in, watched Dawson's Creek, made the best breakfast burrito ever, went to the Container Store, lunch with Sara and then to the DU gymnastics meet. It was great...Saturday night we went to the Front Porch, drank for free (at least I did), laughed, danced and felt appreciated.

That's the word...appreciated.

In the last year, in friendships that ended, as I reflected back I realized I wasn't appreciated. These people walked over me, told me that I matter, yet never showed it. While I fought for our friendship, asked for the hard conversations, wanted to sit in honesty, they did not. And while I grieved that on my birthday, what I know now is that Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights were all about being appreciated.

So to all that participated, thank you...it made my year and makes me truly want to live into 2007.

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” -- Abraham Lincoln

27...late 20's...3 years till 30.

So this is what it means to be an adult. To buy a home, make a career change, to become more mature.

When the clock struck 12 on New Years Eve, my thought was 2007 can only be better than both 2005 or 2006 combined. Both had been horrible years, years I'd like to forget.

And so far 2007 has been better. I've made better choices, choices that are best for me and my development. I took a risk and bought a home and every day I wake up knowing that I love it more and more than I ever could. I accepted a new job offer (in the same company), one that is going to challenge me for days to come. I've looked across tables into friends eyes, knowing that I want to be with them for the rest of my life, no matter how hard or easy it gets.

My hope for my 27th year is that I live into it fully. That with every day, I realize for everything I am grateful for. That even in the hard moments, when my life is spinny, I will rely on friends who continually support me. That I will release the bitter feelings towards those who hurt me in the year past, especially those I thought were my friends. I want to take a photography class, I want to run another 5k (at the end of April). To go to Kenya and feel the risk of having my life changed completely.

So, in honor of 27, I'm hoping this year will have 27 remarkable experiences that I can't deny and can't wait to share with the world.

Is it wrong?

That I want this in my life, for my birthday, for someone to speak this to me? Is that too much to ask for on the eve of 27?


Tell Her This by Del Amitri

Tell her not to go
I ain't holding on no more
Tell her something in my mind freezes up from time to time

Tell her not to cry
I just got scared that's all
Tell her I'll be by her side, all she has to do is call, all she has to do is call

Tell her the chips are down
I drank too much and shouted it aloud
Tell her something in my heart
Needs her more than even clowns need the laughter of the crowd

Tell her what was wrong
I sometimes think to much
But say nothing at all
And tell her from this high terrain, I am ready now to fall, i am ready now to fall

Tell her not to go
I ain't holding on no more
Tell her nothing if not this; all I want to do is kiss her

Tell her something in my mind
Freezes up from time to time.