Saturday, October 18, 2008

next steps

I've been thinking more and more recently about what I should be doing.

Should be. It's a dangerous grouping of words. I should be cleaning my house, walking my dog, studying for the GRE, working more at Starbucks, creating more intentional time with friends, meditating, caring for my soul...the list could go on. But those two tragic words together induce such shame. I really should be doing what I think is best for me.

I'm tossing around the idea of going back to grad school. However, this is where the pull is. I already have a master degree. Why do I need another one? If I go back to school, shouldn't I be going after a PhD? Not that my first isn't important, but outside of the church, most companies have no idea what the hell to do what a Master of Arts in Transformational Leadership, hence the fact I leave the Transformational part out on my resume. And really, do I need another master degree to do what I want?

But that leads to the ultimate question...what do I really want to be doing? I know the things I believe about myself, that I was put on this planet to create change in it. That the systems we have in place aren't helping people and I want to help people. So does that mean I need a different degree? Do I need a Social Work or Public Policy degree?

(And if someone could tell me what a degree in Public Policy really does, I'd appreciate it.)

But in the same breath, the ultimate question brings up some great fears. Do I really want to pay $90,000 for a degree in Social Work when making that will never happen? Why do I have to take the GRE because I suck at standardize tests and already have a degree, shouldn't that be enough? How would I make ends meet?

Maybe this is all a ramble, but at the end of the day, I need some direction. But I know, I definitely need to start looking at some next steps for my future.