oh what a night...

So last night, I went to a free concert here in Denver (I also realized that all the concerts I've been to in Denver have been for free, but that's another blog story). And it was great. Goo Goo Dolls, Better than Ezra, Howie Day, and Anna Nalick for FREE!!!

It's a story that is inappropriate to share on the internet on how I actually got to go (sticking to Dooce's rules about not talking about work on the blog), but I went and it was exactly what I needed. I began to think about why I love to go to concerts. Is it because it's seems like a community? People uniting for one thing that they love (or tolerate). Is it the energy, the force of excitement that someone feels when their words are being screamed back at them? Is it my desire for me to be in the same light? I don't know, but I love going to concerts. It was amazing and for free...you can't beat that.

I met these amazing guys one of which invited me skiing with him and his boyfriend sometime. We are going to try to grab drinks at some point. Ahh, the gay boy connection continues in Denver (Hi Eric and Darren!).

And I talked to a male stripper, but that's a different story all together.

Anyways, it pays to listen to the radio...Thank you Alice 105.9 for a great way to kick off the week.

On a complete side note, the Golden Globe nominations came out, and I would like to congratulate the following person on his nomination and to say that if he needs a date (you know that if Mandy can't be there), I would be more than happy to fill in.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree...

On Sunday, after a TC meeting with Radius and a nap to recover from Saturday night, my friend Sheralee and I went to Wal-Mart and Lowes to get Robert.

Who's Robert? That's my Christmas tree. He's a beautiful fir, that's big and soft and makes my apartment smell wonderful. We added lights, decorations, and thanks to Real Simple, wrapped the boxes so it looks like there are real presents underneath. I love it! It's so good for my soul and I can't wait to get home to it tonight.

Stop by and see it and if you can't do that, then check out these photos!

this is how angry I am

Mrs. White: I hated her so... much... it... it... the... it... the... fee... flames... flames... on the side of my face... heaving... breathless... heaving breaths...

-From the movie Clue

amen!

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love."

- essayist Hamilton Wright Mabie

My best friend ROCKS!

There are people who know you well, who can look deep into your eyes, into your soul and know what is really going on with you.

Many people will attempt this, however, only the few will know you to your core. I'm grateful that I have many people like this, but they have been recent additions. No, my best friend has known me for over 5 years and I'm eternally grateful for her friendship.

Our stories intersected at KSU, through Young Life, but it wasn't until a retreat for Young Life leaders that we really began to connect. We have seen each other at our best, our worst, and those moments in between.

But here is how well my best friend loved me yesterday. She understood that the boy situation was hard. She understood that even though our relationship was short, intimacy can't be measured by time. So in order to love me well from 8 hours away, she sent me a package. Now I rarely get packages from people (except for my mom, who sends me coupons and old magazines each week). So when I saw this package on my front steps, I got really excited. I opened it up to find some very fun new pjs filled with garden gnomes and some hilarious magnets of lawn ornaments. She loved me so well in that moment and I love her for it. I can't wait to see her when I get into KC in a few weeks.

So, my advice this cold Denver morning...thank God for your friends who know you so well that they can send you exactly what you need in the moment you need it...that is what community is all about.

do you know what today is?

Look around you...what are you grateful for? Do a quick exercise of the things you are grateful for. It could be your job, your friends, the peppermint mocha from Starbucks, anything that you are grateful for. Did you think of your life?

Now, think of Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe, where AIDS takes people's lives on an hourly basis. Think of the children whose parents, families, and friends whose lives are taken because of the lack of education and drugs that could save their lives.

Now think of what you could do to help. I'm not meaning getting on a plane and doing something (though for some of you that might be the case). I mean, signing up for the One Campaign, educating yourself about AIDS, giving to World Vision, befriending someone with AIDS, or simply being grateful that you are capable of doing something.

Today is World AIDS day...please do something.

So sad and then I was done

My friend Wendy sent me this article today. I guess Kelly was right on my post about this event last week...maybe she is a prophet!

Thank you Talan for making a wise decision...

I just want to thank everyone for one of the most amazing Thanksgiving I have ever had. It was wonderful, fun, and less dysfunctional than the most holidays I have had.

It was the Felcity, Friends, etc holiday I had hoped for and it felt like family...and it was perfect.

Thanksgiving

It is reasons like this that I miss Kansas City at Thanksgiving. Bundling up, going to the Plaza, standing in the midst of people who came to one location to watch one person flip a switch to see the first outdoor mall be lit.

and I'm serious. I miss grabbing a group of friends and watching it happen. I miss the slight chance of running into someone I once knew and saying hi to them. But I am grateful for Denver, the friends I've made here, and the place that is slowly becoming home. Even in the midst of pain this summer, there was no place else I'd rather be. So, as I think of all the things I'm grateful for, like my friends, my family, my job, the apartment I have, for laughing hard and crying harder, for beautiful days like today (it was 68 people), for the mountains, for the Trinity, for leaving and realizing all you had, and for coming and realizing all you needed, I wish you and yours the most wonderful holiday weekend.

And please, someone enjoy the lighting ceremony for me.

ISO: Christmas Music

So I currently own 1 Christmas CD. And while I am coming close to tapping my limit of holiday music because my work started playing it on Monday, I want some fun Christmas music. Classics, jazz, fun, everything, so I'm enlisting your help. If you had to make your ultimate holiday playlist, what would be on it? And thanks to the wonder of iTunes, I can create it, but I need some help...

I KNEW IT!

I knew I had a reason not to eat veggies...I'm just grateful someone else pointed it out to me in this article....hehe...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

So in college, I lived with multiple girls in a wonderful houses in Manhattan. The Christmas time would come around and the tree would be decorated, but I never really felt like it could be mine.

When I moved to Chicago, I never had a tree. I was home for too long of a time to have a tree the first year I was there, and then the last two years my roommate was very particular about her tree, so I had to submit to her decorating style (or lack there of in my opinion).

However, I'm realizing slowly that I get to have my own tree this year. That I get to have control of decorating it, buying it, and celebrating the season with it. I cannot wait. And this morning, they put holiday music on in my office (a few days early in my opinion). This song came on and I couldn't help but think of Kelly and her love for this song and for the first time in years, I think I'm actually excited about the holidays.

Now if I could only find someone to kiss under the mistletoe, that might make the holidays the best yet...

As the week of surprises continues...

One of my guilty pleasures is this show...and then I read this article online today. Talan! what are you doing!?

WOW! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS!!

I would just like to thank this man for making my 4 years at Kansas State some of the best memories in my life. I wish him the best of luck and hope that whomever replaces him in the future will bring Kansas State back to their glory. Best wishes Bill! (to read more, see this article, or this one, or this one...)

In other news (this was expected), after the shitty day yesterday, I'm grateful that this dvd is now available. At least this boy can't hurt me as much...and I do love him.

I love honesty, but this one jumped up and bit me in the ass

I received the following email this morning from the "great" boy...

I hope you are having a good day. Thank you so much for introducing me to all of your friends. I had a really great time, and they all seem like really good people (just like you).
I'm sending you this email, because I needed to explain something. You've told me how much you valued honesty, and I just don't think it would be fair to you if we continue to see each other.
I know this is about as lame as it gets, sending you an email, but I wanted to make sure I could explain everything.
You are the kind of girl that I want to end up with. You're attractive, smart, and fun to be with. That really scares me right now, because I am definitely not looking for a serious relationship. The last girl I was with was not as into our relationship as I was, and that really hurt me. I decided that I am definitely going to do the "non-exclusive" dating thing for a while. I don't know if this is even making any sense, but we got along too well. I could see us moving into a serious relationship too quickly. I like and respect you too much to have a "casual" relationship.
You're just not something I am ready for right now. Whomever you end up with will be a very lucky guy.
I hope you understand, but I don't expect you to.

Seriously...i'm hurt and confused, and all I want to do is cry...but I'm at work and that's not appropriate...So, until I have space to do that...I'd like to just drop the F bomb here....Say it with me...

If I ever had a reason not to go into the water...

It would be for this reason alone...yikes!

Embrace it, then get over it...

Two quick things about today.

1. I'm carb-loading like crazy...I need something of substance for lunch.
2. I read this article today. Michigan (the entire state) needs help...I love you people who are from there (Ben, Andy, Maria, Jim, Wendy, Beth and Sheralee) but seriously, an 18 year old mayor...Now that's crazy.

And to answer your question Bri, no, I'm not lost in love land, I'm just lost in general.

And Kelly, I took you serious and signed you up for the April Retreat...get excited!

And Tiff and Cookie, I'm calling you this weekend...I love you too and miss you tons!

seriously, out of control

So, sometimes when I sleep, I talk in my sleep. I recently asked Jenny for a hug during the middle of the night at the Radius Retreat. There's a really funny story about freshman year me rolling over in my bunk and telling my roommate that I was going to kick her ass.

Sometimes, though, I have the tendency to turn off my alarm in the middle of the night. That happened this morning. I know I set my alarm last night and when the cheeve upstairs dropped something on the floor, I rolled over to look at my clock and realized it was 8:15 am! I was suppose to be to work for 8:00 am!! I think I got ready (shower, shaved my legs, and all) in 20 minutes. I've never moved so fast.

Now I'm looking over my google homepage (I still have 100 invites if anyone wants to be a part of the best email service ever), and I swear I thought this said Golden Beet and Pregnant Salad.

Thank God that it's a 4 day week (we also thank god for model trains as well).

a story about life, love and the letter q

She left her meeting, wondering if it would be possible to create the culture she wanted. She felt defeated, not by the meeting, but the people around the table. Her intuitive side questioned their looks, their stares, their defenses and for a second she had to release the thought that they were all directed at her. She knew it could happen, but she knew it would take a while before people truly saw her vision.

She reached for the phone, quickly searching for his number. It had become one the more recently dialed numbers in her phone over the last week and she was excited to hear his voice on the other line. yet in the midst of their short conversation, more insecurities rose to the surface. Did he really like her? Was it truly a miscommunication? Could it all be some malicious game that he was playing? She didn't know, but she knew she was frustrated, hurt and confused, and she realized how much easier life would be if her best friend lived just down the street instead of 8 hours away.

She made the phone call to a friend, a confidant that she couldn't be alone. As they walked to the restaurant for dinner, she told the friend the story. The story about the Saturday night that went so well (literally this time) and about the conversation the night before. The miscommunication could be heard, but that didn't suffice her hurting heart. She couldn't believe the feelings she was having for someone who had only introduced into her life only a week ago. She hoped Wednesday would happen, to prove that there was a mutual attraction there, but her pessimist, oh the eternal pessimist, reigned her thoughts.

She curled up on the couch, staring at the walls of people who surrounded her. Their faces staring into brightly lit screens and she felt so alone in the room. It wasn't until she realized it wasn't her computer vibrating that she knew she had a message. It was simple, he was going to be able to sleep tonight, and that he would see her on Wednesday. And for a moment she was relieved, but she wondered to herself what it meant, if it would happen, if she would continue to get hurt or to continue to fall down the rabbit hole that is relationships...so, she chose to fall and hope that something, someone would catch her at the end.

Is someone getting the best of you?

To give you an update, here's been my life over the past few weeks...

1. The Radius Fall Retreat happened...it was amazing, and hard. Like usual, it was what I needed. There are a few people I'd really like to come out for the spring retreat...Leah, Tiff, Craig, Andy, Bri, Kelly...April 7-9...watch for the invite...you need to come.

B. I don't want to jinx myself, but I've been on two dates with a very cute boy...I definitely think there is a possibility of this going for a while...I sure hope so because I'm really starting to like him.

III. I'm going to see my favorite comedian on Sunday with Beth Anne and hopefully the aforementioned boy. I can't wait to laugh.

a. I've been listening to the following song recently on repeat, with the windows down and the music up. I have a little more basis of what my soul is saying this time then I did the last.

best of you by the foo fighters

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you
Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no useI was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...
Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts

You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new
Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...