Monday, November 07, 2005

a story about life, love and the letter q

She left her meeting, wondering if it would be possible to create the culture she wanted. She felt defeated, not by the meeting, but the people around the table. Her intuitive side questioned their looks, their stares, their defenses and for a second she had to release the thought that they were all directed at her. She knew it could happen, but she knew it would take a while before people truly saw her vision.

She reached for the phone, quickly searching for his number. It had become one the more recently dialed numbers in her phone over the last week and she was excited to hear his voice on the other line. yet in the midst of their short conversation, more insecurities rose to the surface. Did he really like her? Was it truly a miscommunication? Could it all be some malicious game that he was playing? She didn't know, but she knew she was frustrated, hurt and confused, and she realized how much easier life would be if her best friend lived just down the street instead of 8 hours away.

She made the phone call to a friend, a confidant that she couldn't be alone. As they walked to the restaurant for dinner, she told the friend the story. The story about the Saturday night that went so well (literally this time) and about the conversation the night before. The miscommunication could be heard, but that didn't suffice her hurting heart. She couldn't believe the feelings she was having for someone who had only introduced into her life only a week ago. She hoped Wednesday would happen, to prove that there was a mutual attraction there, but her pessimist, oh the eternal pessimist, reigned her thoughts.

She curled up on the couch, staring at the walls of people who surrounded her. Their faces staring into brightly lit screens and she felt so alone in the room. It wasn't until she realized it wasn't her computer vibrating that she knew she had a message. It was simple, he was going to be able to sleep tonight, and that he would see her on Wednesday. And for a moment she was relieved, but she wondered to herself what it meant, if it would happen, if she would continue to get hurt or to continue to fall down the rabbit hole that is, she chose to fall and hope that something, someone would catch her at the end.

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