As the week of surprises continues...

One of my guilty pleasures is this show...and then I read this article online today. Talan! what are you doing!?

WOW! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS!!

I would just like to thank this man for making my 4 years at Kansas State some of the best memories in my life. I wish him the best of luck and hope that whomever replaces him in the future will bring Kansas State back to their glory. Best wishes Bill! (to read more, see this article, or this one, or this one...)

In other news (this was expected), after the shitty day yesterday, I'm grateful that this dvd is now available. At least this boy can't hurt me as much...and I do love him.

I love honesty, but this one jumped up and bit me in the ass

I received the following email this morning from the "great" boy...

I hope you are having a good day. Thank you so much for introducing me to all of your friends. I had a really great time, and they all seem like really good people (just like you).
I'm sending you this email, because I needed to explain something. You've told me how much you valued honesty, and I just don't think it would be fair to you if we continue to see each other.
I know this is about as lame as it gets, sending you an email, but I wanted to make sure I could explain everything.
You are the kind of girl that I want to end up with. You're attractive, smart, and fun to be with. That really scares me right now, because I am definitely not looking for a serious relationship. The last girl I was with was not as into our relationship as I was, and that really hurt me. I decided that I am definitely going to do the "non-exclusive" dating thing for a while. I don't know if this is even making any sense, but we got along too well. I could see us moving into a serious relationship too quickly. I like and respect you too much to have a "casual" relationship.
You're just not something I am ready for right now. Whomever you end up with will be a very lucky guy.
I hope you understand, but I don't expect you to.

Seriously...i'm hurt and confused, and all I want to do is cry...but I'm at work and that's not appropriate...So, until I have space to do that...I'd like to just drop the F bomb here....Say it with me...

If I ever had a reason not to go into the water...

It would be for this reason alone...yikes!

Embrace it, then get over it...

Two quick things about today.

1. I'm carb-loading like crazy...I need something of substance for lunch.
2. I read this article today. Michigan (the entire state) needs help...I love you people who are from there (Ben, Andy, Maria, Jim, Wendy, Beth and Sheralee) but seriously, an 18 year old mayor...Now that's crazy.

And to answer your question Bri, no, I'm not lost in love land, I'm just lost in general.

And Kelly, I took you serious and signed you up for the April Retreat...get excited!

And Tiff and Cookie, I'm calling you this weekend...I love you too and miss you tons!

seriously, out of control

So, sometimes when I sleep, I talk in my sleep. I recently asked Jenny for a hug during the middle of the night at the Radius Retreat. There's a really funny story about freshman year me rolling over in my bunk and telling my roommate that I was going to kick her ass.

Sometimes, though, I have the tendency to turn off my alarm in the middle of the night. That happened this morning. I know I set my alarm last night and when the cheeve upstairs dropped something on the floor, I rolled over to look at my clock and realized it was 8:15 am! I was suppose to be to work for 8:00 am!! I think I got ready (shower, shaved my legs, and all) in 20 minutes. I've never moved so fast.

Now I'm looking over my google homepage (I still have 100 invites if anyone wants to be a part of the best email service ever), and I swear I thought this said Golden Beet and Pregnant Salad.

Thank God that it's a 4 day week (we also thank god for model trains as well).

a story about life, love and the letter q

She left her meeting, wondering if it would be possible to create the culture she wanted. She felt defeated, not by the meeting, but the people around the table. Her intuitive side questioned their looks, their stares, their defenses and for a second she had to release the thought that they were all directed at her. She knew it could happen, but she knew it would take a while before people truly saw her vision.

She reached for the phone, quickly searching for his number. It had become one the more recently dialed numbers in her phone over the last week and she was excited to hear his voice on the other line. yet in the midst of their short conversation, more insecurities rose to the surface. Did he really like her? Was it truly a miscommunication? Could it all be some malicious game that he was playing? She didn't know, but she knew she was frustrated, hurt and confused, and she realized how much easier life would be if her best friend lived just down the street instead of 8 hours away.

She made the phone call to a friend, a confidant that she couldn't be alone. As they walked to the restaurant for dinner, she told the friend the story. The story about the Saturday night that went so well (literally this time) and about the conversation the night before. The miscommunication could be heard, but that didn't suffice her hurting heart. She couldn't believe the feelings she was having for someone who had only introduced into her life only a week ago. She hoped Wednesday would happen, to prove that there was a mutual attraction there, but her pessimist, oh the eternal pessimist, reigned her thoughts.

She curled up on the couch, staring at the walls of people who surrounded her. Their faces staring into brightly lit screens and she felt so alone in the room. It wasn't until she realized it wasn't her computer vibrating that she knew she had a message. It was simple, he was going to be able to sleep tonight, and that he would see her on Wednesday. And for a moment she was relieved, but she wondered to herself what it meant, if it would happen, if she would continue to get hurt or to continue to fall down the rabbit hole that is relationships...so, she chose to fall and hope that something, someone would catch her at the end.

Is someone getting the best of you?

To give you an update, here's been my life over the past few weeks...

1. The Radius Fall Retreat happened...it was amazing, and hard. Like usual, it was what I needed. There are a few people I'd really like to come out for the spring retreat...Leah, Tiff, Craig, Andy, Bri, Kelly...April 7-9...watch for the invite...you need to come.

B. I don't want to jinx myself, but I've been on two dates with a very cute boy...I definitely think there is a possibility of this going for a while...I sure hope so because I'm really starting to like him.

III. I'm going to see my favorite comedian on Sunday with Beth Anne and hopefully the aforementioned boy. I can't wait to laugh.

a. I've been listening to the following song recently on repeat, with the windows down and the music up. I have a little more basis of what my soul is saying this time then I did the last.

best of you by the foo fighters

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you
Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no useI was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...
Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts

You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new
Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...

Preface: I will be cynical at some point in this post

A friend sent this to me today (with the end stating that if I didn't send this, I would have bad luck for-eve-r (Yeah Right)


Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says,".....that's her."

I'm beginning to believe this man doesn't exist...

blowing the money at the movies

It's almost November (yes, November, I don't know where the year went either), which means good movies are finally around the corner. And by looking at the schedule, I will be at the movies almost every single weekend.

Just check out this list:

Chicken Little
The Weather Man
Jarhead
Derailed
Shopgirl
Walk the Line
Rent
Brokeback Mountain
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe
Memoirs of a Geisha
The Family Stone
Fun with Dick and Jane

if you care to join me for any of these, let me know...i'd enjoy the company

this is how I feel...

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void. "
-from You've Got Mail

did anyone see Gray's last night?

So slowly, Gray's Anatomy is becoming my new favorite show. And while I agree with Dooce that it is Felicity with doctors, but still, it's a-mazing story line and acting is so good.

But did you happen to see last night's episode? The funny thing, it was the three female doctors complaining about men. And for a second there, I felt like this was my life. Let me tell you why...I had a great date on Friday night (while it started off slow, it ended up going really well). Good conversation, great drinks, it by far was a good night. But then, he hasn't called. And I know the rules, I've read the book, but still it is so frustrating. I wish he would call and ask to get together again. I wish I could show him a little bit more of my life and the crazy people I interact with on a daily basis. I wish I could see more of his. But he hasn't called and perhaps the funniest scene in last night's episode is when the two doctors are stuck in the elevator and George says to Alex "She shaved her legs for you and you didn't move on it, and then I hear about it, so yes it is my problem".

I just don't think guys quite understand what a big deal it is for us to get ready and then for us to wait on a single call (or lack thereof) for us to know what's going on...

random

TWENTY RANDOM THINGS ABOUT Meghan

1. I secretly miss Kansas City from time to time.
2. I had an imaginary friend named Goodie when I was younger who eventually got "hit" by a fire truck.
3. I can't keep a manicure to save my life.
4. I would rather drink tomato juice than orange
5. Scary movies frighten me to death and I refuse to see them (I was traumatized as a small child with them).
6. I eventually want to move back to the south, renovate an old plantation and open up a bed and breakfast.
7. The only Christian music I have on my iPod is worship cds...other Christian music tweaks my liberal theology
8. and yes, I have liberal theology
9. I love MTV and strongly believe they put subliminal messages in their shows to get you hooked
10. My eyes change colors based upon what I am wearing...
11. I've broken the same wrist twice because of roller skates and sprained my ankle due to basketball
12. I secretly love music that reminds me of old school country like Johnny Cash
13. I've had glasses since the 3rd grade when I begged my parents for them and now I wish I had perfect eye sight.
14. I have the tendency to cry at everything, including sappy disney movies (just ask viv and nicky about it)
15. When I'm sad and lonely, I'd rather be with anyone who knows me deeply than with people I just met
16. I wish I could wear flip flops every day of the year
17. I have a speech impediment...my str always have an h stuck in there which caused my junior high ministry staff to mock me
18. I always get into shows during their third or fourth season (case and point West Wing)
19. I love to put pickles on my grill cheese
20. I struggle deeply that I will end up alone and being eaten by dogs...just like Bridget Jones

A saga begins...

I really couldn't think of a title for this post, so this works...

First of all, I'd like to thank Dooce for putting into words for how I feel so connected to "Gray's Anatomy". Yes, it is like Felicity but with doctors...ahh...so true, so true.


Point B: Noah Wylie and his wife had a baby girl and named her Auden...THEY TOTALLY STOLE MY NEW FAVORITE BABY NAME! I hadn't even told people that I liked it and they took it...Bastards!

Roman Numeral III: My iPod has been acting up recently, playing certain songs for 30 seconds and then switching to a different one. I've done everything they've told me to do and it's still not right...I don't want a new iPod with the possibilities of video watching....I WANT MY OLD IPOD TO WORK.

thus begins my Wednesday.

Playing on Repeat

I'm currently playing the following song on repeat, with the volume turned up, and I can't quite figure out what my soul is trying to tell me. If you can figure it out, I'm taking suggestions...

come pick me up by ryan adams

When they call your name

Will you walk right up

With a smile on your face

Or will you cower in fear

In your favorite sweater

With an old love letter

I wish you would

I wish you would

Come pick me up

Take me out

F**k me up

Steal my records

Screw all my friends

They're all full of shit

With a smile on your face

And then do it again

I wish you would

When you're walking downtown

Do you wish I was there

Do you wish it was me

With the windows clear and the mannequins eyes

Do they all look like mine

You know you could I wish you would

Come pick me up

Take me out

F**k me up

Steal my records

Screw all my friends behind my back

With a smile on your face

And then do it again

I wish you would

I wish you'd make up my bed

So I could make up my mind

Try it for sleeping instead

Maybe you'll rest sometime

I wish I could

Perhaps it is time to use the lesson Nancy Reagan taught us

I came across this article today....

JUST SAY NO lady...you are not a baby making machine...

YIKES!

THIS IS JUST SICK AND WRONG

(insert gagging noise here)

I believe that some people should not be able to reproduce. I know some might think that of me, but that's fine, it's not happening any time soon. People that I believe belong on this list are Britney and Kevin, Paris Hilton and her latest boy toy and now this news just broke.



Sick and wrong I tell you...SICK AND WRONG!

3 post in 1 day...relax, it isn't going to happen every day

I just checked Nicky's site, which always pushes me to think and rethink and then look at the situation from a new vantage point and I realized that:

a) he's updated his blog

and

2) I'm a link...wow...I feel so privileged...


on a complete side note, i've taken a H-U-G-E step in the dating world...prepare for great blog entries.

Boredom

10 years ago I was:
15 years old
a sophomore in high school
discovering Ichthus
Working at the Gap
In love with Jeff Anderson and Curt Peterson

5 years ago I was:
20 years old
starting my 2nd year of college
living in the Girl's Lighthouse
still wrestling with the shame of my freshman year
in love with Jordan Reed

1 year ago I was:
living in Cary, IL
Working with Oasis and Champions
grieving, grieving, grieving
Falling for one of my leaders...
Trying to figure out where in the hell I would live in a year

Yesterday I:
Cleaned my apartment from top to bottom
Did laundry
had a yummy Vanilla Latte from the Perk
Talked with Cookie
Called Leah

5 snacks I enjoy:
chocolate covered pretzels (I think it has something to do with the salty/sweet)
peaches
cherry tomatoes
bread and butter
melted velvetta and chips

5 songs I know all the words to:
"Anna Begins" by Counting Crows
"Fair" by Remy Zero
"Magnolia Mountain" by Ryan Adams
"The One you Love" by Rufus Wainwright
"Gone" by Ben Folds

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars:
Go on a backpack trip through Europe
Buy a cool house, then renovate it
Join the Peace Corp
Get another degree
Take my best friend on a trip

5 places I would run away to:
frontier Ranch
Manhattan, KS
Hawaii
Cookie's House
London

5 Things I will NEVER wear:
Uggs
Daisy Dukes
a poncho
the shirt to the band I'm going to see
a thong bikini

5 favorite TV shows:
OC
Scrubs
Arrested Development
Friends
Grey's Anatomy

5 bad habits:
not doing my dishes right away
staring
not putting away my clothes in the hamper (yes, I realize they are clean, but it's so much work)
my self contempt
jealousy

5 biggest joys:
tomorrow
laughing till my sides hurt
drinking Boulevard Beer
a Soy Chai from the bucks on the perfect fall day in denver
the perfect fall day in denver

5 fictional characters I would date:
John Dorian (from Scrubs)
Jim Halpert (from the office)
Michael Bluth (from Arrested Development)
Andrew Largeman (from Garden State)
Dr. Derek Shepherd (from Grey's Anatomy)

5 people I tag to do this:
Kristen
Vicki
Bri
Craig
you silly

OMG!

Have you seen this site? YES!...this is so awesome...I LOVE IT and can waste multiple hours looking at it...