Hello, my name is...Beloved

Shattered Dreams
Originally uploaded by mes9193.

It's cold in Chicago today and not just cold, but rainy, windy and cold. And I'm not saying that for sympathy sakes, I'm just letting you know the weather situation here.

For me, the past two and a half years have been a journey about finding out who I truly am. Of course, I always thought I knew who I was, but it wasn't until I began the internship here that I realized that I had no idea who I was. And when I got here and started meeting with Sheryl, we started on a journey of rebuilding my relationship with God the Father. I read books after books regarding this issue and eventually one that really spoke to me was "The Life of the Beloved" by Henri Nouwen. It's amazing (and short) and you should pick it up.

Recently, I've been working on my adolescent idealism towards the world, people, and relationships and I read "Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb. One of the few books I have actually thrown across the room because I couldn't handle it any more. And I feel like I've gotten better at that, and I've worked through some of the issues there, but still, it's a slow process.

And then last night at Axis (www.generationaxis.com) Darrien spoke about the masks we wear in front of God, basically because we are afraid to let Him, our creator, see our real selves. And we had an opportunity to get a nametag for what we felt like God was saying to us, who He calls us. I moved towards the table of beloved, simply because this is my identity in the Trinity that I have understood the past two years. And so, when it all comes down to it, my highest dream, if I only knew it would be to fully live in a place where I could live out my belovedness and give it away to others at the same time. Isn't that what we are called to do? To build relationship, to love on one another, and to eventually share our lives with people? "We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us."

Good luck Radius this weekend on your retreat...oh how I wish I could be there and simply love on all of you...you will be in my heart and prayers.