eek! a mouse

eek! a mouse
Originally uploaded by mes9193.

I just wanted everyone to see how freakin' cute my best friend's child is! I can't wait to see both of them in a month!

listening to...

could it be that the Father of glory

loves me more than I'll ever know

in this place

could i look to your face

and see beauty that makes my life glow

and i want to see

my Father of glory

A good laugh

I was on the phone last night with my friend Craig. A back story on Craig and I:
He worked for Student Ministries North Shore and had a background in Young Life . I was curious about other organizations using Young Life's camps and wanted to have coffee with him. I scared him at first, and now we are friends. He's an actor, poet, writer, and an intern groupie. I am a writer, a person who loves actors and an actual intern. We get along great.

Back to last night...Craig has learned that calling me after 11 pm is a tricky thing because I tend to be asleep, but I was up last night. He asked me about my day, and I said I had gone shopping, spent some time with the Trinity, and watched trashy TV (American's Next Top Model and Nanny 911). He asked me who the Trinity was...

Now, I was taken aback because he works for a church and a Christian university. He thought I meant Viv, Cookie and myself...I actually meant God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. T-h-e TRINITY. I was about to break back into Evangelical Christian mode.

Still, I laugh out loud...Besides, Viv, Cookie and I are the Three Amigos...get the nickname right at least.

I needed this...

I had breakfast this morning with my dear friend Sara. I love Sara. She and I had a deep connect from the very first time we met. We started the program at the same time and we sat next to each other at Sheryl's house and it was a connect right away. We laugh and cry and have great conversations over good beer in St. Paul together often. So we went to Egg Harbor and had some great breakfast because it's hard not to have a good breakfast at Egg Harbor. And as she walked in, I noticed that a leader I use to serve along with in Elevate was also coming into Egg Harbor. I excused myself from my table and went to give him a hug.

I loved serving with this man. He was so much, so encouraging, such a servant and I thoroughly enjoyed being around him. He made my time at Elevate so enjoyable. In fact, all my leaders did (once we got past 3 months where it was so hard) and I wouldn't trade my time with them for the world. Actually, I wanted to bring all of them with me when I transferred to Oasis and Champions.

As I went in to give him a hug, he said the following "I miss your leadership". And something inside my soul jumped for joy. There were so many mistakes I made while I was at Elevate, and I own those. It was the hardest season I've ever had in ministry (my whole second year was tough) and now 6 months after I left, I hear those encouraging words that I didn't mess up, that I wasn't a failure, that I was valued. We both said we should catch up some time and he went to his table and I went back to mine.

My breakfast with Sara was amazing. Talks about Denver, friends, life, school crap, etc. It was what my soul needed. But let me tell you, those words that my old leader spoke to me will be the encouraging words I needed for this week. It was amazing.

Trust me, I'm in a good place right now. A major season of conflict resolution has ended well. Oasis ended last night until January and I have all of Thanksgiving off. Last night as I was laying in bed, I realized that I had grown, that I have changed, and I'm so much more of who I was created to be that I love it. I'm doing really well and those words still had a huge impact on me.

Encouragement is so hard for some people, especially if they didn't grow up with encouragement in their families. But try it. Tell someone how much they really mean to you. Send someone a piece of real mail, one that requires a stamp and the postal system. Pick up the phone and make someone's day...You have no idea what it will do for them, you have no idea what it will do for you.

To fill you in on my weekend

Not that it was anything exciting, but you know, I thought that someone might enjoy knowing what I did over this weekend.

Friday, I called Van to wish her a happy birthday. Unfortunately, her present didn't get mailed on time, and now it's just sitting on my desk begging to be sent. Hopefully I can put it in the mail this week sometime.

I've been working on my statement of faith, which is basically my senior thesis for my program. It was much harder than I thought and it's due on Friday, November 19th, which means I had to get it done this weekend. I spent Thursday evening trying to write something, but it was complete crap, so I had to start over again on Friday. I feel better about what I am writing now, but I won't know for a while if it's what the Bethel gods are looking for. I sure hope so...

Friday night I saw the second Bridget Jones movie. Please wait to see this movie until it comes to DVD or to your very fun $5 movie theater. It was the first one, which slightly different lines, but that's about all that changed. It wasn't worth the $8 I spent (thank God for student id's)...very disappointing.

Saturday, I had lunch with a friend and shopped for Christmas presents. With the financial situation being tough these days, I don't know what to give people. And thankfully I'm not in high school any more where I have to give to thousands of people, nor will I be receiving 12 years worth of Bath and Body Works scented lotion/soap/body spray/etc. I rented three movies: "Saved" (you are just jealous of my success in the Lord), "Lost in Translation" (Charlotte: I just don't know what I'm supposed to be. Bob: You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.) and "God is good and I am not" (a French film, don't bother). I went to dinner with a friend (Hi Viv) and then watched Saturday Night Live (not funny...I miss the good old days of when it was funny...heck, that was last year).

Sunday, I finally watch "Lost in Translation". Very good...if you enjoy the art of film and not just movies, this is a great movie. "Garden State" reminds me of this film and I love them both. I went to Axis last night and it was an amazing program. Jarrett hit it out of the park last night. Hopefully it will be up soon so you can listen to. We talked about dating and it wasn't your typical dating talk, but how we tend to lose our identity when we do date. I would listen to it if you get a chance. Had Viv and Kristen over for dinner and watched "Scrubs".

It was a decent weekend and my soul feels very light from it. It looks like it's going to be a busy week. A vocab quiz, a paper, and my statement of faith is keeping me quite busy. Hope you are doing well...

And yes, I changed the blog color again...I like this better, but I don't know if I love it.

If you want to understand where I am coming from...

My friend Viv posted on her blog recently. One of the many things I love about her is that she understands American politics, and she isn't even American!! So, this simple post today is encouraging you to go to Viv's Site and understand a little more of what I have come to grasp about my politics over the past two and a half years.

Change is now a good thing

Change is like the new black...you should do it, you'll look slimmer while doing it, and it always adds some spice to your life.

First I changed my hair color...

Now I changed my blog color...

Let me know what you think. I can't quite decide how I feel about this change.

I'll take email geek for 200 please

Just a quick reminder of the email geek that I am...

I just emailed a friend of mine for the first time (he just got email). He's one of the few who will really laugh hard at Canadian corn, limousine margaritas, and of course the air c.

I keep checking my email because I'm waiting for him to write me back.

Hello, McFly! He's probably not sitting around waiting for you to email him so he can email you back.

These are the times when I realize I need a life.

Lyrics I can't get out of my head

So, I was listening to a cd that has random songs on it.

And by random, I mean it's playing country one moment and hip hop the next.

Anyways, I was listening to it as I was driving into work today and now I can't get some of the lyrics out of my head. This isn't a bad thing, but I often feel like so many artist are singing the songs of my heart. Somehow they have written down the things that I feel but haven't shared with anyone and these strangers know what I am saying. Here's an example of the songs I have in my head:

"You've crossed the finish line/Won the race but lost your mind/Was it worth it after all/I need you here with me/Cause love is all we need/Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall/Well I know what I've been told/Gotta break free to break the mold..."Lazlo Bane

"Last time I talked to you/You were lonely and out of place/Hope you remember me when you're homesick and need a change..." Our Lady Peace

"It does not bother me to say this isn't love/Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love/And I guess I'm going to have to live with that..."Counting Crows

I think it's stupid not to think that music doesn't influence who you are and what you think, but for me, I can't live without music. It's essential to who I am and for me, right now, it's touching a part of my soul that I can't get to...

The things we will do for Jesus

The things we will do for Jesus
Originally uploaded by kristenanne.

My friend Kristen took this picture at AXISPALOOZA last night. This is where we as a community reflect on the music that has impacted us over the past year. We have no idea what's gonna get played, what will happen, who will show up, but it's one of my favorite nights in the Axis year (running only behind the Axis retreat and worship nights).

God, I love this church....

And yes, that is my pastor in the sunglasses.

A great wedding...with a splash of drama

Allison, Scott, and Me
Originally uploaded by mes9193.

So, I had a blast at the wedding...you can check out the pictures on www.flickr.com.

I arrived to hang out with the bride and the bridesmaids at 11 am, watched them get their hair done, put on make-up and then drive to the church. We took pictures outside (it's already cold in Chicago) and hid from people.

The ceremony itself was awesome, so them (the recessional was the theme song to "West Wing"), a little John Denver, trouble bustling her dress and then off to the reception.

This is where the drama begins. I don't want to go into all the details, but the guest book didn't arrive with who it was suppose to, she ended up confronting me (I'm getting really good at confrontation these days), and drove home angry.

All in all it was a great evening and I felt so special being included on this special day.

By the way

Don't forget that "The OC" starts tonight...
Prepare for guilty pleasures!

Just thinking...

I graduated from high school in 1998, I graduated from college in 2002, and I'll graduate from my master's program in 2005...What ever happened to the people I knew in 1998?

Last night I was laying in bed last night, trying to go to sleep and a friend of mine from high school (go BVN) popped into my head. I haven't seen her since graduation, and if I'm honest, we didn't end on the best of terms either. My high school graduation wasn't anything spectactular. Our graduation song was "I Believe I can Fly" by R. Kelly, I got into a fight with parents, and the one person I wanted to be there said he wasn't coming and then he surprised me by being there. All and all, I was happy to graduate from high school, but I always thought I would keep in better contact with those I spent so much time with.

So I got to thinking about all my friends from high school, both at my school and people I knew from the Kansas City area because my high school youth group had people from both sides of the lines and so here are a list of people I wonder what they are doing with their life now...

• Bobby and Jeff A.
• Curt P.
• Chris C.
• Wes M.
• Whitney Y.
• Julia G.
• Jenny L.
• Christine H.
• Cully
• Chris L.
• Chris
• Brandon N.
• Brett O.

These aren't just random people, these are people I laughed with, cried with, drove around with, went to dances with, had crushes on...and I know I could find them on Classmates or Reunion, but that's not the same. I don't even know if they still are in KC, goodness knows I'm not, but I'm just curious to know what life looks like 7 years after you graduate.

Hello, my name is...Beloved

Shattered Dreams
Originally uploaded by mes9193.

It's cold in Chicago today and not just cold, but rainy, windy and cold. And I'm not saying that for sympathy sakes, I'm just letting you know the weather situation here.

For me, the past two and a half years have been a journey about finding out who I truly am. Of course, I always thought I knew who I was, but it wasn't until I began the internship here that I realized that I had no idea who I was. And when I got here and started meeting with Sheryl, we started on a journey of rebuilding my relationship with God the Father. I read books after books regarding this issue and eventually one that really spoke to me was "The Life of the Beloved" by Henri Nouwen. It's amazing (and short) and you should pick it up.

Recently, I've been working on my adolescent idealism towards the world, people, and relationships and I read "Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb. One of the few books I have actually thrown across the room because I couldn't handle it any more. And I feel like I've gotten better at that, and I've worked through some of the issues there, but still, it's a slow process.

And then last night at Axis (www.generationaxis.com) Darrien spoke about the masks we wear in front of God, basically because we are afraid to let Him, our creator, see our real selves. And we had an opportunity to get a nametag for what we felt like God was saying to us, who He calls us. I moved towards the table of beloved, simply because this is my identity in the Trinity that I have understood the past two years. And so, when it all comes down to it, my highest dream, if I only knew it would be to fully live in a place where I could live out my belovedness and give it away to others at the same time. Isn't that what we are called to do? To build relationship, to love on one another, and to eventually share our lives with people? "We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us."

Good luck Radius this weekend on your retreat...oh how I wish I could be there and simply love on all of you...you will be in my heart and prayers.

Of France!!!!*

*sorry Heater, I laughed so hard at this that I couldn't resist to make it a subject line...

So, I just got back from Carthage visiting a very cool girl and let me tell you, it was amazing.

You never fully realize the effect you have on people until either a) they tell you (like my friend Steve did yesterday) or 2) it comes back to teach you something. I've been living in the latter, and then tonight I experienced the former.

A year ago this young woman came to me to ask me to be her mentor. Me, of all people, I didn't feel worthy, but I knew that it would require me to put into practice what I have been learning since I've been here. I wanted to mentor someone, especially someone who was in high school because I often felt during my high school years no adult really wanted to invest time in me. So, I said yes and it changed my life forever.

She is up at college now, doing her best to remain true to who God has created her to be and at the same time figure out how to balance school (she's so freakin' smart), friends, and fun all at the same time. She's essentially figuring out her rhythm of life, and I'm so grateful that I have been a part of that experience.

I drove to her college campus, all the while reminiscing about mine (and trust me, I LOVED college...it was some of the best years of my life) and once I got there, I saw how well adjusted she is and how she truly is simply loving on the girls and guys she is around on a daily basis. I love it. I love who she is and who she is becoming; I love that she is figuring out what she really wants to do with her life and I love the fact that she is loving school. She's the only 18 year old I know that was willing to say to herself "yes, I think therapy is a good idea".

I have so many dreams for her, about who she will become and what she will do and I feel fortunate that she wants to share that with me. She pushes me to look deeper into who I am and what I do and learn...she is amazing.

Liz, you are one great kid and I am so fortunate to not only to call you my mentoree, but also my friend.

ps-She, like me, is a nerd about her blog...check her out here: http://www.xanga.com/dremor

to brighten my day

A good friend of mine sent me this email today:
here's the quote that's been on my mind...
"oh my god, danny devito, i love your work!!"
hope you're having a good day!!

Nothing more, nothing less, and it was the best thing I could have received in my inbox today. Unlike my friend Heather (www.dooce.com who, let's be honest, has never met me but I know that if we did meet we would be great friends) who receives mean emails in her inbox on a regular basis, I tend to get only good ones and the occasional spam.

I get emails from friends and family members, jokes, pictures of my best friend's adorable child, and information from united and american about flights I can't take right now. And I do want to get away. I want to get some space from all the drama that is happening right now, lay on a beach like I did last year in Puerto Rico and simply sleep the day away as I listen to the ocean crash up against the shore.

I know fleeing won't cure anything, in fact, I know that the drama will still be here when I get back, but I feel like I need a break.

And it's not bad drama, it's just drama and I wish it would end because I don't know how much more self-realization I can handle.

Until then, I go to Carthage College (www.carthage.edu) tomorrow to visit a girl that is awesome and as an 18 year old, I truly believe on the transformational journey. I can't wait!

So, in order to brighten your day, I leave you with this quote:
"I ought cancel your Spring Fling. Now, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ. "

Haha...I defeated the gods...

Okay, as you can see below, I have figured out a way to post pictures on my blog without confronting the Willow gods.

Thank you www.flickr.com! Prepare for greatness!

A reminder of the beauty of this city

IMG_0236.JPG,
originally uploaded by mes9193.

Despite the weather here, I wanted to remind myself how much I truly love this city.

I had the most fantastic weekend here and it was all set here, in this wonderful city...

I can't imagine being any place else.

Scrubs, Zach, and Tom...

So one of my new favorites show is "Scrubs". It airs on Tuesday nights at 8:30 pm here in the Windy City. And to say it's one of my new favorites is an overstatement simply because I've been watching it for about a year, when it use to be on Thursday nights and then it moved, so I had to begin to tape it. I try to tape it every Tuesday night and I'll watch it when I get home around 11:30...a good laugh before bed, it's great!

Tuesday's show focused on grieving, a topic I feel more competent in now than I did two years ago. JD's father passed away and his brother (the one hot Tom Cavanagh from the other fabulous TV show that was cut way too soon "Ed") show up with a cake to break the news to JD. We see how each member reacts to the news and the support that Cox gives to JD. This show I believe speaks to the members of my generation, much like M*A*S*H spoke to my father's generation.

Then Zach Braff (the star of Scrubs) makes a beautiful movie, one that also speaks for our generation and it makes me want to give him a kiss on the lips. He understands our generation, the issues we are going through, the thoughts that run through our heads. Zach Braff is a genius and I love what he is doing.

If you get a chance, and are willing to sit through witty communication and deep moments, this show is for you. My favorite episodes include the one with Rerun (the boys were planning Turk's bachelor party) and the one that included the song "99 red balloons". Watch this show, support it, if not for yourself, but for me.

By the way, you can read more about "Garden State" and other fun things from Zach here:
http://gardenstate.typepad.com/

So, here's an update...

For those of you who know me, you know how much College Football means to me. If you don't believe me, look at my previous post entitled "One Thing I Love". It was posted on September 4th. Anyways, my Kansas State Wildcats are doing horrible. We lost to the University of Kansas and we've beat them 11 years in a row. And they are terrible at football...typically. We play Oklahoma next (there's no way we'll win) and then Nebraska (hopeful, but expectation management will be done prior to this game). I'm even questioning whether or not we'll get a bowl bid this year.

Life is crazy busy. I worked 14 hours on Friday. Have you ever been in your office building for 14 hours straight? Let me tell you, it's not fun, I don't recommend it. School started last Monday and I'm currently enrolled in two classes: Ethics (and come on now...everyone I tell that I am in an ethics class they roll their eyes, which I agree with completely. Me of all people studying ethics, it's quite funny) and Leadership Communication (the same class I've taken 5 times in a row). Bethel's leadership classes are very lack luster. Perhaps it's in the culture I am in, but these classes could use a revamping so that everyone benefits from them, not just the students outside of Willow.

I went to a bachelorette party this weekend. I'm exhausted. I've never sat in a room with women and had a more open discussion regarding sex. I feel fortunate that these women were open enough to share with me in the room and that people were willing to share.

Otherwise, I'm hanging in there. Life and leadership has been difficult recently. I've stepped down from leading a small group of women in their 20's and during that process, I've had some learning lessons. I've never realized how lonely leadership can truly be, and I feel like I now have to watch what I am saying every second of every day. I'm worried about how others will take it and that's hard.

Another interesting thing is that an English professor of mine from Kansas State was arrested for murder. It's a little strange and very creepy.

I'm reading "The DaVinci Code" right now and I can't put it down...
I know it's fiction, and it is a page turner...
I'm tempted to buy the new Gavin DeGraw cd and I really want to buy "Saved" yet with cash being low these day, maybe Santa will bring them for Christmas. I guess I should start being a good girl then.