Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Being in the state that I am in...

I was driving to lunch today (I'm having a shitty day, I treated myself to this) and I was listening to the lyrics from Alanis Morissette's song entitled "thank u". I don't know why, but I was struck by the lyrics of this song...perhaps it's because of the mess I am in and how I want to say thank you to all those things I've used to protect myself and now I'm ready to be done with them.

As if to tell them, thank you and bye-bye. Imagine if one day, this song was really true for me. That I could remember my divinity. That I could realize the death didn't mean stopping, and what if I could really thank the silence...

Thank you Trinity for brining this song to me in the midst of my neediness.

How about getting off of these antibiotics
How about stopping eating when I'm filled up
How about them transparent dangling carrots
How about that ever elusive kudo
Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence
How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time
Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence
The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down
How about no longer being masochistic
How about remembering your divinity
How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How about not equating death with stopping
Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence
yeah yeah ahh ohhh ahhh ho oh ahhh ho ohhhhhh yeaahhhh yeahh

No comments: