a realization over lunch...

As I sat down to lunch today, I looked at the people around me. Many people, eating alone, which isn't unusual at lunch, but here is what I realized.

A majority of the people around you are both sad and lonely.

I did not make a blanket statement, not everyone is sad and lonely, but a lot of people are. Hell, I'll even include myself in that statement.

A majority of the people, myself included, are both sad and lonely.

And I think blogs only further this cause. When I originally created my blog, I wanted to quit writing my supporters each month and have them be able to check in and see what I was doing every day.

There is some sick satisfaction knowing almost 8,000 people have read my blog. Who honestly cares on a daily basis what I am doing? I am not saving the world with this, I'm not even changing the world, I'm simply processing out some things that are important to me. By having a blog, I am fulfilling some space of loneliness.

People today long for deep, meaningful relationships. Not even romantically, but friendship wise. I know that I long to have people in Denver know me deeply. To the core, where only a few have entered and love me in that place. I know that I long to have a romantic relationship and that in certain moments I'll be attracted to any guy that shows me attention.

So what does this mean? It means for me that a simple Christian-ese answer isn't going to fit. Old ways of thinking no longer fit once you realize the pain you are in. Does it mean that I should date the next person that walks in the door? No, that will only create more pain. What I do think though is that connecting with the Trinity, reclaiming my name as Beloved is where the sadness and loneliness can begin to fade away. And when you are as highly relationally as I am, and when a majority of your relationships seem like they aren't going the direction you would want, the pain is almost unbearable and it begins to feel like the walls are caving in. And this is a place, a place where the loneliness and sadness consume me, is a place I can no longer live...