Wednesday, February 22, 2006

a realization over lunch...

As I sat down to lunch today, I looked at the people around me. Many people, eating alone, which isn't unusual at lunch, but here is what I realized.

A majority of the people around you are both sad and lonely.

I did not make a blanket statement, not everyone is sad and lonely, but a lot of people are. Hell, I'll even include myself in that statement.

A majority of the people, myself included, are both sad and lonely.

And I think blogs only further this cause. When I originally created my blog, I wanted to quit writing my supporters each month and have them be able to check in and see what I was doing every day.

There is some sick satisfaction knowing almost 8,000 people have read my blog. Who honestly cares on a daily basis what I am doing? I am not saving the world with this, I'm not even changing the world, I'm simply processing out some things that are important to me. By having a blog, I am fulfilling some space of loneliness.

People today long for deep, meaningful relationships. Not even romantically, but friendship wise. I know that I long to have people in Denver know me deeply. To the core, where only a few have entered and love me in that place. I know that I long to have a romantic relationship and that in certain moments I'll be attracted to any guy that shows me attention.

So what does this mean? It means for me that a simple Christian-ese answer isn't going to fit. Old ways of thinking no longer fit once you realize the pain you are in. Does it mean that I should date the next person that walks in the door? No, that will only create more pain. What I do think though is that connecting with the Trinity, reclaiming my name as Beloved is where the sadness and loneliness can begin to fade away. And when you are as highly relationally as I am, and when a majority of your relationships seem like they aren't going the direction you would want, the pain is almost unbearable and it begins to feel like the walls are caving in. And this is a place, a place where the loneliness and sadness consume me, is a place I can no longer live...


Anonymous said... don't know me, but I know exactly where you are. I'm one of those sad and lonely people wanting to be known. I long to truly be known by the people in my life, but know that being known by God and even myself has to come first.

Your post encourages me that I'm not alone and I pray that you are able to center in the Trinity. Thanks for being honest and courageous enough to admit where you are.

Maria said...

oh megs - I love you! and I am so enjoying getting to know you to deeper and deeper places in your core. You bring it - every time - and I love that about you. And I love how you search so hard for Trinity - I sincerely hope that your identity as Beloved continues to grow and the sadness and lonliness continues to diminish.

vbt said...

HOLY HELL!!! Half of my face in on your profile photo!! wow... mom's cool... to think, my profile is literally my ass...