Sunday, January 09, 2005

Delta Blue

There is a florist shop that I pass every day that I go into work. I wouldn't say I pass it every day because let's be honest, I don't go to work or that direction every day. It always has sayings on it, quotes that sometimes make me think about the effect they have on my life. It isn't dramatic, but every now and then I try to remember what they are saying and hopefully it will be passed on to something I am doing. Right now, in my mood of change, this sign doesn’t really mean that much to me, but it is something I look at as I drive to work.I have worked a full week and already I feel like the senior-itis is kicking in and the pre-grieving wants to start but can't because I won't let it. And today as I was driving into work and listening to "walking in Memphis" I realized that I am ready to leave this place. I'm not ready to leave the relationships I have developed while being here, but I was ready to plant some roots and I think I'm ready to make a decision about moving. Now, this could all change by next week, so don't put it into cement, but if I imagine where I am going, where I will be in 6 months, I don't know if it's still in Chicago...

I watched my favorite movie this weekend, Garden State. If for some reason you have not seen this movie, please stop reading my blog, got to Blockbuster, rent it and then come back...It's that good. Anyways, I felt like I was watching this movie through new eyes, through eyes of change and the idea of moving when I came across this quote:

"You know that point in your life where you realize the house you grew up isn’t really your home anymore? All of a sudden even thought you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone. You’ll see one day when you move out, it just sort of happens one day and it’s gone. It’s like you can never get it back. It’s like you feel homesick for a place that doesn’t even exist. Or maybe it’s like a right of passage, you know, and you’ll never have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home yourself; for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I don’t know, but I miss the idea. Maybe that’s all family really is; a group of people who miss the same imaginary place.”

I could list every line that has moved me from that movie, whether it was tears or laughter or made me think about something bigger in life, but as for now, I think this quote sums up how I felt about being home and how I feel about moving forward. I really am looking for a group of people who miss the same imaginary place...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

wow...maybe it's the consecutive Wednesdays we spent together for a year...but i wrote out that same qoute last night and thought about it for a long time. funny...i want to see you soon. i miss you.
love always