My latest repeat song...

Due to circumstances beyond my control (and the fact that I am exhausted from being at the water park all day long...I know my life is hard), this is the song that is on repeat right now on my iPod...

A warning sign
I missed the good part then
I realized I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
Come on in, I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so
A warning sign
You came back to haunt me and realized
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover
Come on in, I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
And the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is that I miss you so
And I'm tired
I should not have let you go
So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms.

I'm really excited this...

Last night Emily, Emily's friend Chad and I went to see Bewitched. Skip it...it's not necessary. Anyways, I saw a preview last night for a movie I'm super excited about. Please go and see the trailer. Yes, I know they cast most of the original cast (which are 10 years too old to play the parts) but I cannot wait to see it. I had chills the entire time watching it. It's going to be awesome!!

I'm currently working so I can't post much, but I'm doing decent. I'll hopefully be able to post soon (like tomorrow) but until then, I'm done with my first temp job and I'm still really excited about the job at DU...I'm calling them tomorrow to see if I can move it forward a little bit. Otherwise, I don't know what my plans are for the 4th (no Taste for me this year) and I'm really enjoy the second season on DVD of this show.

By the way, my web fortune cookie told me to remember 4th grade today...seriously, that's not a fortune. COME ON!

Remember why you are here

This is what my web fortune cookie told me today.

It couldn't be more appropriate for me to hear right now.

Things are going. Not extremely bad, nor are they out of the world, but they are going.

There are times when I am confused, times when I am scared, times when I realize what I am doing and need to stop. Shame is not as prevalent in my life as it once was, but there are moments when I am staring into the distance and Jared knows what I am thinking and what I need to hear in those moments.

I worked three days 9-6 and thought I was going to die. I applied for two jobs at the university of Denver today...I really want one of them.

So...Why am I here?

To grow

To be transformed

To be around a community of people who love me

To understand that my community in Chicago, Kansas City and around the world doesn't end because I have moved.

To simply just be.

To learn from the mistakes I make.

To make new mistakes and realize the growth I do have.

To reconnect with parts of my soul

And to find new parts as well.

But, there are times when I am lonely, scared, confused, happy, joyful and bewildered all at the same time.

And I have nothing to cling to but the Trinity, and that is making the world of difference.

I feel like it's my first day of school

I went to work today. Let me define what my "work" was and what my "work" is now.

It was:

• hanging out with students
• developing curriculum
• having one-on-ones with leaders
• playing gorilla/man/gun
• helping students realize that the love of trinity was in their life now and that love was what mattered most
• wearing jeans and t-shirts to work
• driving 30 minutes to work

It is:

• dressing in appropriate gear (i.e.: nice dress pants, dress shirt, heels)
• answering the telephone
• making real estate appointments
• getting yelled out by random realtors
• walking to the free ride, taking the free ride down the 16th street mall

Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted to dress up. I've realize recently that I want to dress like Carrie Bradshaw but I'm also comfortable in jeans and t-shirts (perhaps too comfortable because I've been wearing it since freshman year). So, I woke up at 6:45 this morning after not sleeping the night before. I took a shower, got ready, put on pantyhose (for you guys, putting on pantyhose is like hell for many women). I walked down to the mall, caught the bus (for free) and arrived earlier than I thought. I was at my work by 8 am and I didn't need to be there until 9. I stopped by and saw VBT in her element. I had coffee, and then went to work. Where I answered the phone all...day...long....

I'm making money, don't get me wrong, but still, come on! I went to lunch and then went back to work. I walked home, and got home at 6:30 pm. Made dinner and came to the Perk for use of the internet.

I love the perk, it is my central perk like friends. Except I don't have 5 friends who meet me here on a regular basis. I've met the girl who works behind the counter (hi Monica) and I like being here. It feels like my 3rd home ( for all of you who knows Starbucks or who have worked at Starbucks you know what I mean).

So, answering the phone for the next week is the plan until the 29th. I think dancing and karoke is in the plans for the weekend. We'll see if it is as eventful as it was last weekend.

not a guilt trip

please read this as an honest post, not a guilt trip.

I need to hear a familiar voice. I want Leah or Craig or Cookie or Toni or Mike to call. I want to laugh and cry and simply be known in a new town. I want the people at the Penn Street Perk to know me and my drink. I want my small group to walk through the door (as Cari pointed out, yes they out number me 3 to 1 and it was a fabulous small group) and I want us to laugh and fall asleep in each others arms as Andy suggested.

Radius is on a whitewater rafting getaway this weekend and while I'm excited to be alone, I wish someone would call me just to say hi. Because to be honest, I miss everyone in Chicago.

I know I could/should (damn shame) call them, but part of my being known and love is that I need to be validated (plus, who is really home on a Friday night).

I'm here!!

Well, I'm sitting in the Penn Street Perk, pimping their internet because I don't have internet in my house. I also don't have cable. Yet...I need to first get a job and make some money, so hopefully I can get cable and internet in time for my summer addictions (like this show, or this show). But, I'm settling in well. Radius was amazing, helping me move in, cleaning my bathroom, setting up my bedroom, and making me feel welcomed. It was great (and fast). Jared came over later that night and we sat out on my porch, drinking a beer and hanging with my wonderful neighbors. It's true, I do have wonderful, fabulous neighbors!

I ran around all day yesterday, getting my drivers license, my emissions test, my VIN verification, my license plates. I was exhausted. Then a trip to Target was necessary, but because I live in the city, Targets (and Wal-Marts) are no where to be found without a 20 minute trip. My apartment is coming together slowly. I just need to get my futon back from VBT. Then I could actually watch movies on my couch and not my Ravina chair.

I have a meeting this afternoon with a temp agency, so hopefully I can start a job by Monday (though I would like to start in a week...you know to give myself some space). I need to process the last three weeks and how overwhelming they were. I want to walk around and figure out where I live. I need to find my supermarket. I just hasn't hit me yet that this is my new place...but I am loving it so far.

just a quick update from the road...

my small group retreat...AMAZING...

my graduation...less tweaking (theologically speaking) than I thought it would be...

I'm in Manhattan, on my way to Denver tomorrow...more (blogging and pics -- I'm becoming a pro on Flickr next week) when I get to Denver!!

racers take your mark...

Today I leave for Lake Geneva with my small group from the past three years for one last party...to have closure...to play some mean sand volleyball, with prophetic feelings of course...to simply breathe with these 7 people I cannot imagine my life without.

I get back on Thursday. I'll need to put the finishing touches on my paper, get my tires rotated and balanced, get some cleaning supplies, get my car washed, finish packing, pack for graduation...and that's all on Thursday.

I leave Friday morning at 6:15 with the Millers to drive to St. Paul. Perhaps I'll have some time to myself in my room to take a nap. Communion that night, dinner with the parents, graduation on Saturday, party Saturday night, return to Chicago on Sunday.

Load the van on Monday, probably now leave on Monday. Drive to Des Moines. Drive to Manhattan (Kansas) on Tuesday. Drive to Denver by Wednesday. Unload. Transfer my DL, registration on my car, and change my phone number on Thursday. Unpack fully by Friday. Take my parents to the airport on Saturday. Breakdown Saturday afternoon into Sunday (seriously, it's on the calendar).

So, if I don't post, please see above reasons. If I crash and burn sooner, please see above reasons. But until I post again, please see what my beautiful web fortune cookie said today:

You aspire to be a Viking.

untitled one...

I've walked through these halls multiple times
Past these doors on an almost daily basis for the last 36 months
Except this time, it's different

This is the last time I walk into 106 for a leaders meeting
It's the last time I'll walk into the lakeside as a member of axis

I started here 36 months ago
slightly scared
overly confident
simply looking for a place to call my own.

And I found it.

But like any family
We've had our ups and downs
I've loved it, I've wanted to tear it down, and yet
I've found the middle ground

Tonight, this place seems slightly distant and less like the home I've known
Perhaps this is a sign that I'm ready to leave
(of course, the apartment and the job mean I'm ready to leave too).

All I know is that I'm grateful to have found you and
no matter what people will say
I appreciate this place for all it has given to me.
The friends who I never imagined I would know...
The ability to fail successfully...
the chance to grow...

good bye you beast of a building...
I think there is a little bit of me that will miss you