I made it safe and sound...there is an update on www.meghaninkenya.blogspot.com

Hope you are well :)

What you should know about the upcoming month

First of all, I am not dead, missing, or extremely busy. I'm busy, but not busy enough to write.

However, I am preparing for an experience of a lifetime. I leave tomorrow for Kenya. I can't believe it's finally here. I reread my first blog on my Kenya site and realized that I've been dreaming about this day since September. And now it's here. Not just here, but HERE.

I'm packing, cleaning, preparing all day long. I can't believe it's finally come to this.

I wanted to let you know what to expect in the next month. If you read one blog, you'll probably see the same on the other. Perhaps this is lame, I'm okay with it. It's just easier to keep up one blog when you are paying for your Internet time.

So wish me luck, keep in touch, and keep reading...Kenya, here I come!

a rant to the fashion world

Dear people who create in the fashion world,
While I am sure all the stick thin people of the world, who have no hips, no boobs, no curves on their bodies love t-shirts that could equal as dresses and the shortest shorts in the world, the rest of the general population hate it.

I am included in the population that hates it.

I realize that I have hips (which I love) and boobs (which, according to Sara, are some of best features). I also realize that I have a short torso and longer legs. The whole shirt/dress feature does not work for me. I am also a person who loves linen pants, pants in general, pants that come to the floor, that fray slightly after a couple of wears because they are too long. Why the hell aren't stores carrying normal shirts and pants?

Please fix this and fix it soon...I'm tried of not being able to shop at stores.

Hugs and kisses,
Meghan

Is that you?

A while ago, I had perhaps the nicest comment I've ever had on my blog.

I don't know if it's the same person who left the latest anonymous comment, but I hope so...because it was so nice.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Why June 13, 14, & 15 hold significance for me

I realized recently that the middle of June holds greater significance then I ever knew.

5 years ago on June 13, I walked into a stranger's house not knowing what to expect. I chose a seat near the windows, and 2 people sat down next to me. Little did I know that these people would change my life forever. David and Sara Worley have not only become dear, dear friends, they have become family members I can't imagine my life without. Constantly they invite me into their lives, their daughter's life, their house...5 years ago, I sat down next to 2 of the greatest people in the world and forever changed my view of what love looked like.

2 years ago on June 15, I pulled into a new town filled with expectation and hope. I slept in a new bedroom, in a new apartment that would simply become home. I had so many desires for what this town would hold, could hold, should hold. However, those desires, dreams, whatever you want to call them, were shattered within the first weekend. Pain that I've never experienced before, betrayal I thought would never happen, lies that surmounted all truth entered into Denver and then changed my view. While I've stayed and slowly true friends like Jared, David, and Sara have shone through, Denver's not the place I expected, yet found a new level stability for me to stand on.

1 year ago on June 14, I pulled into a driveway of an office building not knowing what the next hour would hold. I made the choice about 2 weeks earlier that I needed someone outside of my life to prove to me that I wasn't crazy. That what was happening (people manipulating me, saying one thing and doing something else) was truly happening and I wasn't imagining it. Thankfully, 1 year ago on June 14 I met my therapist, Mark, who changed my life. He was amazing then and is amazing now...

3 totally different dates, multiple years, however 3 significant days in my life. Perhaps good things do in 3's...I'm forever grateful to each one because they shaped me differently. As for these 3 days this year, who knows, but I'm open to the possibility of change.

the edge of possibility

Recently, I've been rediscovering what the edge of possibility looks like. In potential new friends, late night conversations, in work...yes, even in work. And while I want new things to blossom, I need to remember to take it slow because I have no idea how everything will pan out.

What's amazing to me is that I leave for Kenya in 25 days. In 25 days, I'll be flying across the Atlantic to discover a land that I know nothing about but have only seen in pictures. In 25 days, I'll open myself up to 8 new people who know nothing about me but together we are going to discover new parts of who we are.

But between now and then, I've got things I need to do. Life doesn't stop on the edge of possibility.

Oh, and...

I got picked for jury duty 9 days before I leave for Kenya...I really hope I can get out of it...I really don't need to be on jury duty.

the week in review

Last Saturday, I flew to Washington DC to visit my best friend and her family. They have been living in Virgina while her husband finished up FBI training (I know, I still think it's cool and dangerous every time I think about it).

However getting there was a story in and of itself. I missed my flight on Saturday morning, and so I didn't get into DC until 11:00 pm that night. I had one full day with them, and while it was shorter than I would have hoped or liked, it still did so much good for my soul because I loved being with them.

Once I got back I had a busy week between work and family dinners. We celebrated individual accomplishments and just enjoyed each others company. I had an event that lasted all day on Thursday which made me exhausted.

Thursday night, I went to see Wicked with a co-worker. Well, it was suppose to be Thursday, but the tickets were actually for Tuesday night. Thanks to great customer service, we were able to see the show. I really do love that musical.

On Friday night, I went to see Mason Jennings with my friend Christen and her friend Beth up in Boulder. After enjoying some Illegal Pete's (mmm...Illegal Pete's), we went to the show. It was so packed, but we had met one of the security guys at Pete's so we convinced him to let us upstairs to the VIP lounge. Once we got up there, not only was the view good, it was much cooler. Unfortunately, the show wasn't all that great.

After leaving the show, we decided to track down Jon Benet Ramsey's house because, well it's Boulder and who hasn't wondered where it is. After finding it and being scared out of our mind, we drove back home.

All in all, it was a good week. I spent today cleaning my house and taking a nap, which means tomorrow I get to go shoe shopping. I needed this weekend to recover from this week.

Oh, and I leave for Kenya in 32 days...yeah, I freak out every time I think about it too.

I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there

For some reason, I'm really enjoying John Mayer's new CD. Maybe because I feel like some of it is written from my own heart (it might have something to do with the fact that I get to see him in less than a month...with Ben Folds). Case in point:
In Repair by John Mayer

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

And now i'm walking in the park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
Oh i'm never really ready, yeah, oh, i'm never really ready
I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there
I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there
I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there
I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there
I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there
I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there

Once in awhile, when it's good/It'll feel like it should*

When I'm ready
I'll be able to say everything that is true
of what I experienced
When I'm ready
Because what I realized yesterday
is that this is deeper than
I ever thought

But my hope is that the steps
I'm taking
Will eventually get me to a place where I can say
"Once in awhile, when it's good/It'll feel like it should"

So until then,
I'll believe that
it will feel like it should,
because I've lost that hope.

*taken from John Mayer's song Stop this Train

Revisiting that TIVO issue

Somehow today while programing my VCR to tape my shows, I somehow jacked with the time.

Meaning that when I got home tonight, the VCR time showed 4:30 pm, not 10:47 pm.

Which means that I've missed the season finales of The Office and Grey's.

This is totally a sign that I need TIVO.

Don't tell me what happens on either...I have to watch Grey's online and I don't know what I am going to do about The Office (step on my George Forman when I get out of bed tomorrow probably).

Grrr....

a note on why this might be my best summer concert series ever.

As you all know, I LOVE music. It's a passion of mine, only topped by my passion for concerts. Every summer is spent trying to get to concerts, watching the fans, enjoying the live music, being captured by Colorado's beauty.

This summer, however, might be the best summer I've ever spent at concerts. Here's the list of fabulous people I'll be seeing:

John Mayer
Ben Folds
Rocco Delucca
The Fray
Patty Griffin
Ryan Adams
Old 97's

My friend J is joining me for 2 of these shows because he is my concert going buddy. The only thing that might make this summer better is a Counting Crows/Guster combo. If that happened, I might die.

oh, and...

This inspired me last week...I wish I could be brave like this

this is why I need tivo

On Thursday, 3 of my favorite shows are having their season finales.

The Office, Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy.

Thankfully, NBC is showing The Office at 7:00 pm. However, Scrubs and Grey's will be run at the same exact time. Which wouldn't typically be a problem considering I'm home on Thursday nights. But I have to work on Thursday night, which means I have to tape all of my shows. (do you see the problem yet?)

With Grey's and Scrubs showing at the same time, I am forced to tape one and not the other. And of course the one time I need ABC to show Greys on Friday, they aren't showing it.

Thankfully my friend Sara has decided to save Scrubs for me but it makes me really sad that I can't watch it live (especially if that becomes the series finale).

If anyone wants to buy me TIVO, I'd be forever indebted to you...

Summer is...

Vanilla Dr. Peppers from Sonic
Driving will every window open
Sunglasses
Farmer's Markets
Skirts every day
flip flops
tank tops
baseball games
camp fires
camping
Bob Marley's "No Woman No Cry"
pedicures
iced tea
tan lines
frisbee golf every night
Red Rocks
sleeping with the windows open

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. -- Charles DuBois

Courage is something I don't think most people are born with. And if you are born with courage, at some point, you lose it.

My friend J recently posted a blog on his experience in living in Denver. Why he came, what happened once he arrived, where he sees himself going. That takes courage. Especially because some people will deny what his experience was like or that they have any part in his pain.

However, while I know that my story is so similar to J's, the part that causes me to get is angry is when people leave in the midst of the pain. People saw J, myself, others in the midst of the pain and they did nothing. No, that's not true, the contributed more pain. Instead of sitting in the pain, in the midst of feeling crazy, they convinced me that I was crazy. They refused to hear the other side of the story. Because it was too painful for them.

While I wish I had the courage to call these people out and let them know that I don't understand why after years of relationship building how they can walk away. That when I trusted them with my soul, they decided to piss all over it.

So until I can muster up the courage to tell these people what happened through my eyes, I'm grateful for the 3 people who have stuck by me through it all. I love you each dearly...DW, Sara, and J. You each make my days brighter.

the most authentic thing I've read

My friend Jared recently posted on his experience in moving to Denver. And while I've only danced around the issue, never fully putting it in writing what exactly happened when I moved here, he says exactly what did (at least in his own life).

To get a taste of what his experience was like and to read the most authentic piece I've read in a while, please go here.

I've never been prouder

My celebrity boyfriend is hosting the season finale for Saturday Night Live.

Guess who is ecstatic?

Guess who is planning on actually watching the entire episode, no matter how painful the players make it?

No matter what, I still love him.

maybe I am psychic

Yesterday as we were planning out our camping trips, we had the Kentucky Derby on so we could appreciate the race.

Let me be honest, I know nothing about horse racing. DW tried to teach me once, and I know a little, but this is where my girl comes out. I pick horses based upon their names and then odds. Yesterday was no different.

I wanted to choose Iamawildandcrazyguy (it really was a horse's name). But the odds were too high for me. So instead, I chose Street Sense.

Who won the Derby? Street Sense.

Had I put the $20 I had on the race for a win, I would have won $118. I think I'm psychic.

In other news, I'm not dead. I just haven't had anything to say (this is what happens when one become done). I'm sure eventually I will have more to say...I'm not ready right now...

hmmm....

Many of you know that I hate to take a risk. I'm afraid of not being in control, of not knowing what will happen at the end. My best friend often says I will marry someone who doesn't like structure and time tables...a risk taker.

I came across this quote this afternoon and it made me ponder risks:

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool. To weep is to risk appearing sentimental. To reach for another is to risk involvement. To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self. To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss. To love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying. To believe is to risk despair. To try is to risk failure. But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. They may avoid suffering an d sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. Chained by their attitudes they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom. Only a person who risks is free.
- Unknown

Right now more than anything, I need to be free. I'm hoping by taking the little risks I am these days, I can find it because I'm starting to feel trapped again.