I don't get...I really don't. For me, self-confidence is something I've never had. I've never seen myself as attractive, beautiful, intelligent, funny, etc. I know so much of that has to do with the way I was raised and some of the verbal abuse I suffered. The lies that are in my head are often times violent and unforgivable and it's hard to remember that they are just lies.
Over the last 4 years, I've had someone there telling me it wasn't true. Actually I had a group of people helping me redefine everything and helping me realize what was true and reality. However, this week, that entire wall has crumbled. There aren't even pieces still standing. I feel ashamed, abandoned, alone in the same breath. I tear up every chance I get to think about what's really going on in my life right now...and to be honest, I don't feel like I have chance in hell to change it this time.
Shouldn't transformation be an opportunity for the lies to fully die, where they no longer can make you feel like an idiot, unwanted, a failure, a whale? Shouldn't the love of the Trinity be enough to be the truth you cling to?
Right now, I don't think it's possible and I can't decide if it's worth fighting for the truth...