Thursday, May 18, 2006

Because my friends are hilarious

My friends, Maria and Vivie wrote the story for me while I was missing in action from our daily email banter. Please enjoy.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Meghan. now Meghan was really special princess, and not just because her name was spelled with an "h”. she also had a very special gift and people from the entire kingdom would travel for days just to sit in her court. Her court had the best Jesters in kingdoms... And there was a very special Jester among them... Zachariah Braffsterlen. Now Zachariah Braffsterlen was not only the funniest Jester in all the world, he was also the most beautiful man for miles and miles! (to the chagrin of the prince of course. as Princess Meghan was betrothed to the Prince of Asternim, Prince Tucker.. (ps - chagrin - good word!) Prince Tucker, Lord of the Bow Tie, was well educated, a well off prince, a fine catch for any young princess, and yet Princess Meghan's affections were inexplicably tied to the lowly beautiful Jester. “But I'm a Princess!!! How am I attracted to the Jester?!" Those were the words that would go through Princess Meghan's mind all day...And she was very aware of her attempts to even fool herself - as attraction was to mild of a word... But how could she admit that she was in love?!?!? She knew she was supposed to be in love with Prince Tucker... yet she knew that she was only attracted to him. One morning, as Princess Meghan was contemplating this very conundrum, Jester Zachariah Braffsterlen arrived for a long day of court earlier than usual. It took every ounce of strength the Princess had to say "Good Morning" instead of "Hello my love.” The Jester was taken aback by the Princess address - he was not performing his entertainment duties and still she addressed him... Unbenowst (sp?) to the princess, deep down he was glad that she did - and unbenowst (sp?) to the jester, she saw the sparkle in his countenance. Their mutual attraction, or dare I say affection, was immediately irresistible and they were drawn to each other's arms like a fish to water. She could smell his scent... the scent that has nothing to do with perfumes and all to do with who he is - and she found herself home for the first time... no castle or summer palace could compare to being in his arms. Suddenly - just as Princess Meghan and Jester Zachariah Braffsterlen were becoming more comfortable on the journey of getting to know one another in the biblical sense, Prince Tucker walked into the court with a beautiful bouquet of Gerbera Daisies for the princess. He was aghast at what he found! "YOU ARE MY FIANCEE!!!!" He yelled at the top of his lung, "And he is nothing but a Jester!" Ears had never heard such scorn and contempt... He stormed out of the castle! Princess Meghan wrenched herself out of the arms of her beloved Jester and ran after him. She had to explain - as much as she loved Zachariah Braffsterlen she couldn't bear to see Prince Tucker in such pain. But Prince Tucker wouldn't have it... His honor was destroyed... He faced no choice... He had to face the Jester in a duel <> The local armsman - Sir Ted Nugent - ran to get a pair of dueling pistols. My oh my? What is going to happen - you'll find out, right after the break. Zachariah finds himself in a quandary - he's never held a gun before... His weapons of choice are his wit and his charisma... but how would he employ them in this scenario? It was determined by the crowd that gathered (every good duel needs a crowd) that Prince Tucker and the Jester would each choose a pistol, stand back to back, take 10 long strides, turn and shoot - whomever made it out alive would win Princess Meghan, who was understandably distraught over the entire proposition. Out of the woods came a mysterious stranger claiming to be the world famous funny-man Lord Paperseller. The key is in distraction he said quietly to Jester Zachariah. Use your wit and charisma to distract the Prince, then's the time to attack. Princess Meghan and Zachariah's eyes met - hers filled with tears, his filled with confusion and despair... Each man picked his pistol and as they stood back to back the Jester asked the Prince a question. Have you seen the one with the crab? Be careful out there...I peench. Prince Tucker knew exactly what he was talking about - and did his best to keep his composure...Zachariah knew that he had found his weakness - he likes funny jokes! With his new found confidence Zachariah began the long journey of 10 strides - all the while using his skills in joking to distract the Prince. The Prince on the other hand began to doubt himself - if he was so easily distracted, how was he going to win the Princess? Maid Gort and Maid Berrios-Torres (that's right, Princess Meghan's court was international) came to their Mistress side - full of confidence that the Jester already had the upperhand... Meanwhile, in the background, the Paperboy was cheering on the Jester, knowing that he couldn't stop Princess Meghan from her original true love... She only wanted her to be happy... Without warning Prince Tucker turned early and began firing! He wasn't about to let his true love get away that easily! "Hey, what did you do that for?" Zachariah exclaimed... the bullet only brushed his sleeve, damaging the shirt and not hurting him in a bit... Princess Meghan and Maid Gort and Maid Berrios-Torres could barely breathe! What was going to happen next? While Jester Zachariah was not injured he was infuriated! He too turned and began shooting - finding intense energy in his rage. He had no idea what he was doing - no control over his actions...Maid Mandy got hurt - but no one really cared... Both the Prince and the Jester ran out of bullets and a stifling silence settled on the clearing. Everyone wanted to know what had happened. <> The only audible force was the wind..."I don't want to do this anymore" said Zachariah..."Here, in front of everyone, I confess that I'm in love with you - from the first day I saw you... me riding the unicycle while juggling, you laughing so hard you started to cry... your eyes pierced me and I knew I would never be the same... And I know that you will never be mine, as I am a lowly Jester, and you are, well, a Princess..." In that moment Prince Tucker (who was still alive - neither man was a great shot) knew what he had to do. He slowly peeled himself off the cold damp grass - but no one noticed, all eyes were on Jester Zachariah. "I love you my Princess" he said "And that love drives me to let you go. If you choose me, you will make me the happiest man on the face of the earth. And - I want you to be happy, so the choice is yours my love." This is the moment she had been waiting for!!! She was about to announce her obvious choice, when all of the sudden..."As long as we're doing this... Princess Meghan, I'm in love with you as well... I know I can't control you or force you to chose me. But I needed you to know... If I can be one of your choices, then, I needed to give it a shot (no pun intended with the duel)" It was the Paperboy. Princess Meghan was floored and overwhelmed. This changed everything! Maid Gort reminded her of Maid Cooper's timeless bit of advice: "When you're wondering who you really love, ask yourself who you'd rather be standing outside your burning apartment with?" And in that moment Princess Meghan knew who it was she loved. Princess Meghan knew that all three men would hold her and comfort her in the event of a fire or other disaster. However, there was only one man who would make her laugh and move forward. Princess Meghan turns to the Paperboy..."Thank you so much for your words... I'm sorry I can't reciprocate this...""I chose you, Jester of my heart!" Prince Tucker was speechless. He got on his horse and rode into the sunset...The devastated Paperboy started to walk away as well. His heart was broken, yet he accepted his fate. "What about your honor? Your crown?" asked the Jester "I would renounce it all in a heartbeat just to be with you". Their first kiss was the most memorable kiss in the story of humanity...<>"What are you thinking about, honey?" asked Megs. "Are you daydreaming again?" Zach was caught! He knew he and his alterego J.D. drifted away every now and then, and he couldn't hide this from his wife of 10 years...He just smiled..."Honey, get ready!" said Zach, "We'll be late for our double date with Jim and Pam"

The End


Maria said...

that was so much fun to write - and it reads pretty good as one continuous story too :)

Ms. Warren said...

Megs, hey I'm still planning on coming this summer. My sister just needs to check her dates at work. Can't wait to see you!!!