breakdown...

I hope this old train breaks down then I could take a walk around
See what there is to see, time is just a melody
With all the people in the street walking fast as their feet
Can take them, I just roll through town
And though my windows got a view, well the frame Im looking through
Seems to have no concern for now
So for now I I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh please just let me please just breakdown
Well this engine screams out loud, centipede going to crawl westbound
So I dont even make a sound cause its going to sting me when I leave this town
And all the people in the street that Ill never get to meet
If these tracks dont bend somehow
And I got no time that I got to get to where I dont need to be
So I I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh please just let me please just breakdown I want to break on down
But I cant stop now Let me break on down
But you cant stop nothing if you got no control
Of the thoughts in your mind that you kept and you know
That you dont know nothing but you dont need to know
The wisdoms in the trees not the glass windows
You cant stop wishing if you dont let go
Of the things that you find and you lose and you know
You keep on rolling, put the moment on hold
Because the frames too bright, so put the blinds down low
I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh please just let me please just breakdown I got to break on down
But I cant stop now ~ from Jack Johnson latest CD

seriously...I need a breakdown

it finally got one right...

Today's web fortune cookie says the following:

You need a new environment - go on a vacation.

YES I DO! Thank God that i am going to Denver on Saturday (I also thank God for model trains)..think good thoughts as I try to find an apartment...I'm looking for either a one bedroom or two...

FIVE WHOLE DAYS IN MY NEW TOWN. I can't wait.

These are the reasons I will always love Chicago...

(in no certain order...)

• Willow Creek
• Indiana Dunes
• Flat Top Grill
• The Cubs
• Wrigleyville
• The Metra
• The "EL"
• Kane Count Flea Market
• The Skyline
• the Music Scene
• the Theater Selection (and I don't mean AMC)
• Taste of Chicago
• July 3rd Fireworks
• Lake Geneva
• Second City
• 24 Hour Starbucks
• Long Grove
• Penny's Noodle Shop
• Waxman Candles
• Meijer
• Strange Cargo
• The Bar Celona
• Erik and Kathy on the Mix
• Emmetts
• Oprah (not that I ever went, but knowing she was that close felt good)
• July 4th in the City
• Christmas on State Street
• Barrington and Arlington Heights Downtown areas
• Craig, Andy, Scott, Toby, Erik, Tobias, Ryan, Sheryl, Cookie, Summit, and all my friends who made Chicago the best possible place

Thanks...

These two girls have made doing ministry at Willow fun...thanks ladies! I love you both so much! Please come and visit any time!!

distracting

I had a friend call something out today...something I owned up for crossing a boundary. And now, it keeps running through my head...how disappointed I am in the fact that I let him down...something to work through obviously, but right now as I try to finish up a paper, it is keeping me distracted...the shame especially is hindering my work.

dang it!

14:12

So, it was a very event-filled weekend. But in order to understand the weekend, you must begin to understand the week that was before it. Last week was the week that began Cryfest 2005. Official grieving has begun. Wednesday night we (the interns who are graduating) were honored at New Community. Thursday night the graduating interns tried to give our testimony in 3 minutes or less of what has happened in us and through us in the last 3 years. Very daunting, but good. Friday morning was my last small group experience and I have never ever experienced anything like it before. It was beautiful, sad, and hard all at the same time. I love those boys...they have changed my life. As I described it to Sheryl, it doesn't suck, it just is painful. Friday night I had a huddle and then Viv, Kristen, David, Jason, and myself went dancing. It was a blast! Got home at 3:30 am, showered, and took a two hour nap. I had to get up at 6:30 because of the yard sale. We got rid of so much junk and made lots of money in the process (yahoo! I made enough to make a dent in the registration of my car). Had my last one on one with Sheryl and bawled my eyes out. Finished up the yard sale, went home, laid on my couch for 20 minutes, showered and hung out with Kochie and Kreg. Sunday got up, went back to the yard sale, and this is where the fun begins. Jen was selling a pink wig, DW was selling a basketball and some sport goggles. I was challenged to dribble the ball for 15 minutes (without double-dribbling) and I would be given the basketball and the goggles. So I put on the wig, the goggles and started dribbling. I walked up and down the street and at 14:12 I double-dribbled and it was done.



Finished the yard sale officially, went home, showered, made a corn casserole, and went to Axis. Does this feel like a ton to you? IT SHOULD BECAUSE IT WAS!! I feel like I'm running at 100 mph and it won't stop. But I am leaving for Denver on Saturday...and hopefully will have some interviews and an apartment by the time I come back. I'm ready to crash and be in Denver. I'm ready to be done with school (I should be working on a 3000 word paper right now)...I'm ready to relax....

the most important people in my life

I love these people more than life itself right now....and I can't imagine doing life without them. Thank you Sheryl, Ryan, Erik, Toby, Tobias, Scott and Andy for making these three years the best. I love you all...

OH MY GOSH!!

So, if for some reason you have been asleep the last 9 months, I attend a Baptist Seminary. Granted it is over the internet a majority of the time, I still had to sign a lifestyle statement saying I wouldn't drink, do drugs, etc...

Well, on June 10th our seminary is having a bbq for the graduating seniors. And someone typed the following on the evite (which by the way is the best site for planning a party):

madste
is it bring your own beer?

I don't know who this is, but man, do they have chutzpah!

Thanks for putting the idea out there, but I doubt it is BYOB.

A Name Change will be Necessary

So, I can't continue using the name of this blog in about a month. I won't be doing life in the Windy City, so I am taking suggestions....Let me know what you think!

A quote out of context...

Best Imitation of Myself...

thoughts from my head alone

Rocky Mountain Highs and Lows

I'm sure I'll come up with more, but this is just a start...

Redemption...

See NBC...Fox understands the importance of good shows, why can't you?

Thanks Fox for bringing back Arrested Development back next season...

my friend* seth

my friend* seth
Originally uploaded by mes9193.

taken at my friend Kristen's going away party...he taught me how to tie a tie...sort of

NBC, this is your last chance

"Illustrating how TV schedules are constantly in flux, NBC promised two other new comedies would come on the air sometime next season. Two shows not on the September schedule, "Scrubs" and "Fear Factor," will also return at some point."

DAMN RIGHT SCRUBS BETTER RETURN AT SOME POINT OR I WILL GIVE UP ON NBC FOR GOOD.

Fighting an Uphill Battle

Currently, I am trying to find a job...

And I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle. I've worked and reworked my resume multiple times. I've looked on Monster, Social Services websites and the University of Denver website trying to find something to do. And if I'm honest, I'll I really want to do this summer is play. ALL DAY LONG. Which I know can't happen, but if I had all the money in the world, I would take the summer off to reflect over the past three years and the whirlwind they have been. I would spend time with the Trinity, reread the books I've had to fly through over the last 36 months. I would journal more, write more, be creative more. I would take a photography class and a dance class to rebuild my soul. I would make phone calls, type emails, and lay near the pool with my best friend in Arizona.

Unfortunately, none of that can happen because I need something to pay the bills. I can't live in la-la land over the summer...though I wish I could....so I'm going to continue to look and hopefully something will spring up...

a solo ben

pictures from the Ben Folds Concert in chicago are now up on my flickr account. Thanks to Matty for sending these to me!

Sporting a new look...

in light of everything in my life changing as have I known it in the next 30 days, i've decided to try out a new blog look...isn't it hot?!

A Reason Why I LOVE this City...

Yesterday as I was driving home from the gym, I was stuck behind "that" guy. The one using his cell phone and driving at the same time...swerving in and out of his lane (unintentional, but still). Granted, I also talk and drive at the same time, but I tend to be very good at doing both at the same time.

So, as I carefully passed him, I glanced over. Okay, so he's in his mid 70's. But his talking on a Zach Morris phone...LITERALLY! I couldn't believe it! So I was angry at his lack of driving skills, but I couldn't help but laugh at his phone.

Then as I was reading the Sun-Times today, I came across this. I'm grateful that our city cares about driving and talking at the same time. I only wish they cared about the type of phone we use while we do it.

i hope this one is true...

this is what my fortune cookie says today:

You will step on the soil of many countries.

Out of all I have read, this is the one I want the most.

Getting all my ducks in a row...

To all of those who are in Kansas City, that I didn't call while I was in town this weekend, I ask of your forgiveness. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with you, it was just the fact that in light of the situation with my grandmother (who is sick, and will probably pass away sometime soon), all I really wanted was to spend the weekend with my family. Granted, it was a decent trip home, but since my best friend no longer lives there, it seemed weird to be near Brookside and not stopping by to say hi.

Anyways, prior to me leaving, I found out that one of our had passed away...not the way you want to leave for a trip home. Then before I left on Monday morning, (actually Sunday night), my parents and I talked about my reasons to move to Denver. While it was a good conversation, it was still hard. But it didn't discourage me from leaving or changing my mind, which is a good thing.

So getting back into the swing of things on Monday was difficult. I arrived home only to receive more bad news about my roommate's father. With very little sleep the night before, and a long road ahead of me, I realized that all I wanted was to go to bed, pull the covers over my head and wake up in a time that wasn't marked by grieving. Saying goodbye, not only to my friends and my pseudo family here, but to my leader, my grandmother...it's just a hard time. And in all the midst of this, I'm trying to plan a trip out to Denver. I'm trying to find a job (and trying to update and make my resume presentable in the marketplace), I'm trying to find a place to live, I'm trying to pack up my room, trying to just be present when all I feel right now is numb.

I'm in the home stretch now...literally. I just need to make it past the finish line and then maybe I can breathe at a normal pace again...

You have got to be kidding me...

My web fortune cookie says the following....

You have an unusual magnetic personality. Just be aware of your polarity.

I'm beginning to believe that my fortune isn't all that unique...

A typical girl comment...

There is a boy...enough said...

I'm so confused by his comments that it is driving me up the wall...

PLEASE BE STRAIGHT FORWARD WITH ME!! IF YOU WANT TO DATE (EVEN ON A FRIDAY NIGHT) THEN TELL ME...IF YOU JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS, THAT FINE... just let me know so I can set my expectations.

i'm so frustrated right now, I could scream!!

I love Joan Davis!

So, last night, my friend Andy invited me and 5 of his closest friends to see Ben Folds at the Riv. And to get it out of the way, the concert was amazing, Ben Folds is a new celebrity crush (and like I told Amy last night, I think my "type" is the nerdy-type guys...who really aren't nerds, but dress like it...does that make sense? Of course there is always exception to this rule. For example, Mark Sprecker. But nine times out of ten, it's the clean cut, professional, nerdy type guy).

But the adventure wasn't the concert, it was what happened prior to the concert (and by concert, I mean Ben) even starting. So, I decided to take the el into the city, one because I hate parking there and two why not enjoy the trip. So, I parked at Cumberland, transferred at Washington to the red line and was enjoying the view when a man sat down in front of me. He tried to start a conversation with the girl sitting across from him, about her bookbag, what she was in school for and when she mentioned something about a lawyer, he tells her that his uncle was Johnnie Cochran. Okay, this is where I begin to laugh...silently. Then he proceeds to tell her that if she wanted he could take her out to dinner, buy her things, etc...but she is trying to ignore the conversation and simply look over the city. By the time I got off the el at Lawrence, I was dying laughing. I went to Borders, talked to Vicki on the phone, and met up with everyone at the Green Mill. And not just any Green Mill, but the one that Al Capone use to hang out at and there is a secret tunnel there. Amy met up with us at that point and we went into the show.

Andy either wanted front row (to stand) or good balcony seats and we got the latter. So Matt, Amy and I began to talk when the guys in front of us began to smoke. This old bouncer came up to us (which by the way, his name is either Rex/Tommy/Joe/Francis) and asked us if the smoke was bothering us, because if it was, we could have them put it out. So funny. Well, somehow we began to talk about when people find out where you went to college and then begin asking you about people (granted it doesn't happen that often for me, but still I know I do it). So we made up a random person (Joan Davis) who is now the staple of that conversation for Amy, Matt and I. The other staple of our conversation was this story Matt had about googling one of his contacts for work and finding a police record on someone with a similar name who stabbed her boyfriend in the heel with a steak knife. Really? The Heel? Steak Knife? "OHHH I'm so angry at you right now, but all I can reach is this steak knife and your heel!" Whose thought process is that?

By the time the opening act got started, it was this Mealoaf looking guy with an accordion singing songs you would expect off of SNL. He mentioned something about a radio broadcaster and then something about the east and west...I really don't remember, but he made us laugh. After he was done, people were trying to find seats and while the other security people were nice, this one guy was completely rude about it. "Stop starring people...move it along...." wow, I'm guessing he doesn't have WOO.

Once Ben began and played, it was an amazing show and did so much for my soul. I met up with Mike for a drink afterwards, which is another blog in itself....But last night was a beautiful night in the city and I loved it...it makes me want to create nights like that in Denver.