I feel really lucky

At the beginning of the year, my friends E, J and I sat around my dining room table and dreamed. We dreamed for what we wanted out of this year. I sat with a white poster board and a stack of magazines.

This is what I have hanging in my bedroom, on the wall so it's the first thing I see when I get up and what I stare at while deciding what to wear for the day. Overall, I wanted a new me. I wanted a new job, I wanted to be healthier, I wanted to camp, I wanted a vacation, I wanted to restore my balance.

Here we are over 6 months through the year. I have an amazing new job, that I am realizing more and more that I love. I am getting healthier. I go to the gym 5 days a week. I went on an amazing vacation. I wanted to grow in my self-confidence and I wanted to believe in myself. I am beginning to feel more and more balanced.

Except in one area.

The entire upper left hand corner of my vision board is about love. About falling in love, about marriage, about finding someone to do this journey with. I'm not going to lie, for the first time in a long time, I went on a date (that's not news, I've been dating a lot in the last 2 years) and I walked away from the date thinking to myself that I'm really happy being single and that if I find someone, I'd like him to fit into my life easily and me into his.

So maybe this year was more for me to focus on my career, my health, my general well-being. Maybe all that needed to fall into place before I could focus on love.

And truthfully, now that everything else appears to be in place, I'm ready for the next step. We'll see what happens during this last part of the year.

Times, they are a changin'

Perhaps I should catch the few readers still on here up on what's happening.

At the end of February, my intuition was proven right. I was laid off...again.

Not going to lie, I fully expected the company to go under in just six weeks. (Un)Fortunately, it is still going strong. So, I interviewed, I waited, and finally, after just two months, I accepted a new position. With a different catering company, where I would be doing more operational things for events. I saw it as an opportunity to grow.

Unfortunately, it has not been the best choice. I didn't realize I'd be sacrificing my weekends, my soul for something I wasn't 100% about.

And then things changed.

And I would like to call it divine.

I was approached by a NPO to come on their staff. They approached me with an opportunity of a lifetime. That after all the time I've put in the last two years, finally, I am making the transition towards what I want to be doing long term.

So, after only two months, I've put in my two weeks noticed. And I'm super excited about what's ahead of me. But that's not the only thing that's changed.

I found a rhythm at the gym. I do zumba...and the elliptical...and weights. I'm noticing the change in my body. I'm starting to lose weight (I am currently down 15 pounds since starting at the end of April) and find some confidence that has been tucked far away.

So, while I may not be blogging, I'm still here. Making transitions, being content and really excited about what's next.

Fearful

I am almost always stressed out. Life, in general stresses me out. In recent years, this has been attributed to my job. In 2009, in case your memory has failed you, I lost my well-paying, high-stressed job. In reflection, it was a blessing; in the moment, it was stirring up every possible fear about myself. And that entire year, I considered myself a failure.

I did get a job towards the end of the year. I took the job because it was something I was interested in, but not something I was passionate about. Some days, I know I took this job to take a job. Being unemployed for 11 months will do that to you.

However, due to some recent events, I am now fearful again of losing my job. I'm hoping by saying out loud that I don't want to lose my job will, somehow, make it true. I am good at my job. I've been very successful at my job. However, doing my line of work, in the industry I am in, is one where people see it as an extra, not a necessity. Mentally, emotionally, financially, I can't afford to lose my job.

So, universe, I'm putting it out there...either help me with this one or find me a new one...I can't keep living in fear.

What made my night

@denverpost posted this tonight:
George Karl still believes Carmelo Anthony will be with the #Nuggets all season: http://dpo.st/fTp0J3 #Melo

How I responded:
@denverpost and I still believe that the Tooth Fairy rides a Pegasus and lives with the Keebler Elves. #CarmeloAnthony #Nuggets #Nets

And here's what they said back:
That made us laugh :-)

It wasn't much, but in light of everything that is happening right now, it made my night.