Merry Christmas?

Since I was unemployed for most of 2009, I couldn't really afford to leave for the holidays. Which, all in all, isn't a bad thing. My folks came to visit for Thanksgiving and they have sent my presents to me. They've been neatly stacked at my front door because, well, I was lazy this year and decided not to put up a tree.

This isn't my first Christmas away from my family. I did it in 2007 when I didn't have the time off to travel because of Kenya. But the biggest difference is that I spent that Christmas with my friends at my house, lounging in pj's opening presents and laughing. We also went to see Juno that night. Overall, it was a great Christmas.

This Christmas is, well, something I'm not looking forward to. In all honesty, I almost wish I was traveling to a different city instead of staying in Denver. I'm not going to be completely alone. My friends Maria and Leah are beyond gracious and have both opened their festivities up to me. And my friend Nic and I are going to dinner on Christmas Eve and then I'm heading to a new friend Nicole's house.

It should be a good time...it should be nice. But it's not ideal. I'm extremely grateful that my friends have included me, and yet, there is a huge part of me that is struggling with the alone-ness of this Christmas. I think the thought of not having anyone around on Christmas Day is really starting to freak me out and this isn't how I want to spend Christmas. The independent part of me wants to be okay with spending Christmas away from my close friends and family...the reality is I'm having really big anxiety about this Christmas, which is making me not all that excited for it. I just hope I can get into the spirit by Friday.

Why I love the Internet

And really, what I love is Facebook. Sure, it has it's problems. Sometimes people post way to much information, sometimes people are over-dramatic (myself included), sometimes people use it to be passive-aggressive. However, Facebook is, for me at least, a place to catch up, to hear what is going on with friends, and to laugh at pictures. But the best thing is the ability to catch up with old friends.

Jeni and I actually went to middle school together and were friends in high school. We went to the same church, had the same crushes, and had a similar group of friends. But we lost touch in college (not surprising because I suck at keeping in touch with people). And thanks to Facebook and for being in similar dating places, we've reconnected with a vengeance. We chat daily about our boy situations, about what we SHOULD be doing and how we SHOULD be acting in our late 20's.

Don't get me wrong, my girlfriends here and around the country are fabulous on their advice, but there is something about Jeni's advice. She's been really helpful, and most importantly, not judgemental as I make decisions about my love life. She recently posted this blog about not wanting to be second string, or the back-up, in a guy's life. The girl who is good enough if everything else doesn't work out. And what was so refreshing about this blog in particular is that it's something I've cried out before. I get it, and to me, that's why I love reconnecting with Jeni. It feels like we are on the same path, just many, many miles away.

So, say what you will about the Internet and Facebook, but I love it and am appreciative for reconnecting me to a friend that I lost along the way...

I'm ready to get on to 2010

And it's true, it may be the antidepressants, but 2010 has to be better than 2009. So much has to happen in 2010. First and foremost, it's the year of the 30. I've currently got 101 days left. I've set some realistic goals for myself on what I want to take control over in the 30th year. Finances, diet, life, love are all at the top of the list.

With 26 days left in the year and 101 days left in my 20's (yeah, that's weird to say, especially when I consider where I was when I was leaving my teens for my 20's...thank god for transformation), I've decided to take this list seriously:

By 30, you should have (I've crossed through the ones I feel like I've accomplished):

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know:

How to fall in love without losing yourself.

How you feel about having kids.

How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

When to try harder and when to walk away.

How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.

How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

How to take control of your own birthday.

That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.

That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.

Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

Why they say life begins at 30.

Looks like I've got some work to do in the next 101 days...