Saturday, April 04, 2009


One of my favorite shows to watch is "Friday Night Lights". It has nothing to do with my love of football, it has to do with my desire to be authentic. Something in this show hits my desire for authenticity every week.

This week, I realized how strong this desire is when I realized someone I considered to be a friend showed his true colors. Not knowing him made me sad; realizing who he actually is made me sadder.

My desire to be known, to be real, to be loved has become more apparent since I've lost my job. My desire to do work that betters the world is palpable in every moment of my life.

As I was watching "Friday Night Lights" this week, I was struck by one of the characters desire for college. Her desire for college is similar to my desires to just be me. And in all honesty, these could be my words today.

Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything.
I figured wanting would lead to trying and trying would lead to failure.
But now I find that I can't stop wanting.
I want to fly somewhere in first class.
I want to travel to Europe on a business trip.
I want to get invited to the White House.
I want to learn about the world.
I want to surprise myself.
I want to be important.
I want to be the best person that I can be.
I want to define myself instead of having others define me.
I want to win, and have people be happy for me,
I want to lose and get over it.
I want to not be afraid of the unknown.
I want to grow up to be generous and big hearted, the way that people have been with me.
I want an interesting and surprising life.
It's not that I think I'm going to get all of these things,
I just want the possibility of getting them.
College Life represents possibility.
The possibility that things are going to change.
I can't wait..

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