I'M FREAKING OUT!

In the spirit of being honest, I'll simply say this:

Doing two jobs, one I'm totally qualified for and one that I have no idea what I am doing, is causing me to lose my mind.

I've cried today, wondering if I can really handle this. Why I was picked to do this, I have no idea...all I know is that I'm surviving on energy drinks and praying that I won't lose my mind.

So, tonight, I'll play some frisbee golf and go camping this weekend and Sunday night drink because I don't have to work on Monday.

And still I'm freaking out.

An Extravagant Love

I just want congratulate Kim and Matt on their engagement...I'm so happy for them!!

Watching Old School at Midnight....

So I'm taking the risk and posting at work...which obviously means I still don't have my computer at home. Apple keeps saying soon, which isn't soon enough. So until then, I'll fill you in on my weekend.

Friday night I went out to celebrate my co-workers birthday and almost started a bar fight. Almost is an overstatement, but I was in the mood to start one. We went to this great bar called "Garage" where we had free beer and free shots, and I drank way too much, but it was too much fun to pass up on...After the last week/month/year I've had, I deserved a night like this.

Saturday, after a poor decision to get an eyebrow wax after drinking all night, I went to see "Little Miss Sunshine". Beautiful, painful, harsh...I loved it...I want to own it and see it again. And after a 2 hour nap, I headed over to have a BBQ with Dave, Sara, Hayden, Frank, Beth and Maria. As we sat around eating dinner, enjoying each other, laughing, having an intense conversation about reconciliation and what does it mean, we decided that it was appropriate to watch Old School at midnight. Only Dave, Frank and I watched it...it was great...I love sitting around with those people, who allow me to be me, who push me closer to the Trinity and who ultimately love me at my core.

Sunday was spent watching movies and napping and then watching the Emmys. My weekend was beautiful. I loved every moment of it, and have recently realized that I'm enjoying my time more recently.

And this weekend looks just as good...camping Saturday, the pool on Monday...hell yeah!

But you and I, know the reasons why...

Where have I been? Well about 2 weeks ago, my computer crashed, died dead. I'm currently in the apple store attempting to buy my new computer. I can't wait. But since then, I've been without a computer, and I just don't feel right using blogger while I am at work.

What else is new? Well lots. Things have been crazy and hectic, sad, and good. Very, very good. Freedom has been felt for the first time in a year. The type of freedom that makes you breathe deep, look long and hard, and wonder why you ever lost that feeling. I've been searching for this freedom for a year, and finally I've found it. I told my therapist the other day that it feels like I've been released from prison. Food tastes differently, the sky is brighter, my drives on the Frisbee golf range are longer. And I wouldn't trade this freedom for the world. I finally feel like me again.

I got a promotion. I'm now a Sales Assistant at my work. Woo-hoo! A promotion means more responsibility, more money and more wrestling with the question "do I stay or do I go?" I've recover parts of my iPod, but I'm still missing some major stuff (IE: All my Live counting Crows...If I happen to burn you a CD of that, could you resend it to me?)

Otherwise, I've been listening to the soundtrack to "The Last Kiss" and came across this song by Rachel Yamagata...beautiful, deep, and of course, saying what my soul has been saying.

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend our days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang our heads down as we skip the goodbyes
You can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or whatever I find my place
I'll track you on the radio
And I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I come to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show
And do your best to cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind
But you only showed me the door

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why