a shock, I know...

I work in a part of Denver called Cherry Creek. For me, it's the pretentious, yuppies who are trying to prove to each other that they matter more. We have an arts festival every year that encompasses all of Cherry Creek.

So, instead of attempting to drive today, I took the bus...for the first time ever. I never took it in Chicago, I couldn't understand it. However, Denver's (at least my little part of it) is pretty damn easy.

But I won't lie, it stressed me out like crazy this morning. Here's no shocker, I like to be in control (ultimately, it deals with a greater part of my story, but for a different post). Being on the bus this morning was a lack of control. I couldn't figure out when it would be here (exactly), I couldn't initially figure out where I was suppose to stand...but I did figure it out, and I really enjoyed it. In fact, I'm wondering if it would be good for my soul to do it more often...but something to consider later.

Kelly is still here...a BBQ tonight, the pool, dinner with BA, Sara, and David tomorrow....dancing at Mynt, and then she leaves...and I know in the midst of all of it, good, deep conversations will occur and that's what I need right now.

PS-I love him, I do

revolution...

Revolution defined as: "A sudden or momentous change in a situation". I feel like my last few weeks, months have been leading me up to this.

A momentous change in a situation. I'm taking control of my relational world (or the lack there of on a scale that I know it to be). It's not what it was, it may never be again, but I know that what I have is what I need. Granted there are a few relationships in the recent weeks that have left me abandoned, hurt, crushed, but until there is movement, I will continue in my momentous change.

What does that mean? Little things like internet in my house, iTunes on all the time, less tv, more im's. Running a 5-k in September for AIDS. Seeing and spending time with Kelly this weekend, choosing eHarmony since I can't meet men at the bars (and perhaps it isn't can't as much as I don't want to). Laughing more, crying more, confiding in Sara more...choosing relationships that move me towards transforming. Reading on how to incorporate psychology and theology. Remembering that I did go to seminary for a reason..

So, who knows where this revolution will lead me...but it started with Tiff being here and will be propelled by Kelly being here and eventually devoting more to the people who want me to simply be me...

One year later...

Oh holy hell, I've been here one year...

And to be honest, if you couldn't tell based upon the posts of the last year, it hasn't been easy or fun. Don't get me wrong, I love Denver, I love Sara and David, Vivian and the small portion of community I have experienced. But overall, this year has been hellish.

And what made me realize I had been here a year wasn't some grand moment in time...I was walking to my last small group and ran into Shawn...oh Shawn...Shawn is my neighbor and the neighbor I made out with the first month I was here. I met Shawn the first night I was here because all my neighbors were sitting out on the porch drinking a beer. I don't know...so don't bother asking. It was seeing him as I walked down Pennsylvania that I realized I had been here a year.

Painful, not running into him, but just the year that has been. While the moments of pure joy seem distant, I know they are there and I know I am committed to seeing what type of community I can be a part of here. But the moments of loneliness seem to be running through my head right now...perhaps that is more due to the fact that I was in therapy last night and he said somethings that stung.

So, one year down in Colorado...I'm officially a native (weird, I know).

In other news, Tiffany was here last weekend and it was so refreshing to my soul. To have her here and experience what life is like to me, that was amazing. To have Sara, Maria and Beth spend time with her and get to know her, beautiful. I love her more and more and I realized how much I do miss her...she is an amazing woman. So thank you for coming...that weekend alone did more for my soul than anything I could have needed in my life.

a weekend that was, in fact, community...

I looked across my front porch Friday night and realized that this was the most community I had felt here in a long time. Sara, Hayden, Viv, Beth Anne, Sheralee, Maria D., Maria G., and Jared had all come over to grill. We sat around, laughing talking and just simply being. It was all the community I had hoped for when I first moved here one year ago and finally I had it.

Saturday was spent seeing a movie and going to see Second City. A good laugh and alone time, both beautiful for my soul. Spending time with people, Viv, Maria G., and Maria D., was great simply because there was no expectation of what would happen...except a good time.

Sunday we were invited to the Warwick to enjoy their roof top pool. Imagine 4 working professionals acting like 10 year olds. Marco Polo, seeing who could hold their breath the longest, somersaults...it was awesome. Again, community at its finest.

One thing I'm beginning to realize is that my community is really decent. I have Sara and David who love me deeply and encourage me to be me. Vivian has known my story for 4 years and we often have the exact same thought process. Jared, a brother in hiding, who can finish my sentences and is a concert friend. Sheralee and Maria, who are beautiful women in my life who continue to encourage and love me well. Beth Anne, who pursues me for random Liks runs and can go deep with me, shares equally, and loves to laugh with me...I have some decent aspects of community.

Perhaps, I won't ever be included with the popular kids (just like high school) and that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt less...it just means that the people I choose to spend time with bring me life and for that I am grateful.

And my community from afar is slowly joining me here...Tiffany this weekend, Kelly at the end of June, Christie in August...now if only Bri and Craig would get their tails out here, that would be awesome....