be ok...

Perhaps one of the most frustrating thing about being unemployed are the reactions I get from others. For those who know someone or themselves have been unemployed, the response is "I'm so sorry. How are you doing?". Yet, for those who have no idea what it is like, here are the response I have received:

Are you loving it?
That's fantastic. What are you doing these days?
Good for you!

WHAT?!?! Good for you?!?!

Um, let's review the facts of the last 5 months: These have not been easy times. They have not been fun. Sure there are moments that are beautiful, that remind me that waiting for the job that is best for me is okay. Most days though, the fear that something may never come is overwhelming.

It's been suggested recently that I look into pharmaceutical sales in the mean time. When I've mentioned it to two people (who don't know each other), they've both said the same thing: That's selling your soul to the devil. I'm not going to lie, the possibility of making $60,000 a year is tempting. But is it worth it?

I recently asked my friends for support. A few people asked what they can do. What I realized I needed came last night as I took my friend Maria home. She spoke some words of truth into my life. That she respected my decision to wait, that it is honorable and no matter what I do, she's there for me. What I need right now is for people to speak the truth into my life. I desperately need is for people to remind me that I am doing more than enough and if I want to wait, it's going to be okay.

And that's what I want. To be okay. I want to know that things are going to be okay, no matter what happens, no matter how long I wait. I think that's part of the reason Ingrid Michaelson's song "Be Ok" is my current repeat song:

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

CHORUS:
Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

CHORUS

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok

Hopefully someday soon I realize that I will know I will be okay...