rec·on·cil·i·a·tion

1. an act of reconciling or the state of being reconciled.
2. the process of making consistent or compatible.

In light of the last year, reconciliation has become something I wonder about. Is it still happening in the world today? Is it possible for 20 people in Denver? Could it happen within the next few months?

I desperately want the reconciliation in my life. I want the hard conversations. I want to be in a room of people know that we've talked it out, we've decided to be consistent, we've realized what has happened, and have communicated the past, present and future. However, until the other side decides to move towards a willing converssation, and is willing to accept the fact that they have caused pain, is reconciliation really worth it?

I am more than willing to sit in a conversation, own what I need to, but until I see movement, desire to be honest, and grief for the pain the other party has caused, I'm not willing to believe that reconciliation will work in my life.

I know small steps are happening by a variety of people. Phone calls, cups of coffee, emails, but then I think about me and the two people I would want to reconcile with. I'm not asking for the friendship back (and to be honest in this moment I don't know if we were ever truly friends). What I do want is the peace of mind that I could pass these two on the street and know that they aren't thinking of all the ways that they hate me. What I do want is the peace of mind to know that the pain we've each caused was out of perserving the good we had.

So, I am willing and able, but when I have to make decisions like "me being in the room isn't loving that person well because of other people in the room", isn't it time to have the hard conversation?